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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Speaking as a man....

266 replies

LumpyMcBentface · 09/09/2016 09:47

'Man here'

'Male opinion'

Please just stop it. Unless your post has something to do with your genitals (in which case probably don't post it) it has no relevance to what you are about to say.

We won't all stop, draw breath, and think 'finally! A man's opinion. We can all stop debating now'.

It just makes you look like a pompous mansplaining tosser.

OP posts:
DelicatePreciousThing1 · 09/09/2016 12:54

@StillDrSethHazlittMD
But I got the impression you were one of the mums.

wasonthelist · 09/09/2016 12:58

I got accused of some sort of passive aggressive nastiness for not clearly stating I was a man when I posted about access to my DD. Somedays you can't win.

MLGs · 09/09/2016 12:59

Sometimes it's relevant sometimes it's not.

Where it's irrelevant to the subject of the post It's annoying and unnecessary.

FlyingElbows · 09/09/2016 13:01

I really struggle to identify the difference between a woman discounting the opinion and lived experience of a man because he is a man and a man discounting the opinion and lived experience of a woman because she is a woman. I really can't be doing with women who wish to discount half the population as invalid and inferior due to their sex. Can you not see the irony?!

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 09/09/2016 13:02

Delicate Interesting, isn't it? On another thread fairly recently, several posters who've been here for years expressed their shock when I stated I was a man because they'd assumed from my postings over the years that I was a woman (even though on some other threads I had stated I was a man where I thought it was relevant to the thread).

wasonthelist · 09/09/2016 13:03

Yes but who decides if it's relevant? I almost never mention it - but still got slagged off.

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 09/09/2016 13:06

Over on TES, there is one poster who is deliberately vague about where h/she is male or female. It's game-playing and it really irritates.

DollyBarton · 09/09/2016 13:06

Yes to flying elbows.

I think I may be guilty of mumsplaining at times...

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 09/09/2016 13:07

...whether..
To clarify, this poster is male or female. That much is clear.

wasonthelist · 09/09/2016 13:09

I have been guilty of mansplaining, but I've certainly been on the receiving end of whatever the female equivalent is.

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 09/09/2016 13:10

@wasonthelist

Yeah but everyone gets flagged off here. It' par for the course. Ooh, look: a macho golfing metaphor! Lol

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 09/09/2016 13:11

...slagged off

...it's par

I must proofread my posts...

MaudlinNamechange · 09/09/2016 13:11

"I really struggle to identify the difference between a woman discounting the opinion and lived experience of a man because he is a man and a man discounting the opinion and lived experience of a woman because she is a woman".

the critical difference is that these are not symmetrical situations.

Men know less, from fewer angles, about what life is like for women, than the other way around.
No woman can know exactly what it is like to be a man, but they do know a lot about men's views, expectations, ways of thinking and being, etc, because men operate in the world on the basis that the women should fit in with them.

Women do not operate in this way, or have as many opportunities to educate men about what they are thinking, feeling or doing - partly because men ignore women when they try to communicate with them. They are able to do this because it poses little real real risk to them. On the contrary, women who ignore men's attitudes are at material and physical risk every day.

So when a man says "speaking as a man, I think [you're making a big fuss about nothing] [housework is not important] [you probably do deserve less money than the men in your office as you are probably not working as long hours]" - I don't want to hear it. I know men think these things. They're wrong, and I have little respect for them, and I'm bored of them. I am interested in what women think.

On the other hand - if a man says "I should clarify before posting that I am a man" - that doesn't bother me at all, if it feels like he just doesn't want to post under false pretences.

WheelofPan · 09/09/2016 13:19

And that bloody annoying white-vested bloke meme that gets rolled out A LOT is really annoying.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 09/09/2016 13:37

Really interesting Maudlin.

Except the white vest meme, which I haven't seen :)

MiscellaneousAssortment · 09/09/2016 13:38

Oops, that vest meme was Wheel, sorry both!

LumpyMcBentface · 09/09/2016 13:44

Maudlin has it. That's exactly how I feel.

Signposting your sex on a thread for clarification? Fine and dandy.

Announcing you're a man before imparting your wisdom to us 'girls'? Nah mate.

OP posts:
DadDadDad · 09/09/2016 13:50

Maybe I don't go on the right topics, but have you seen recent examples of a man "announcing you're a man before imparting your wisdom to us girls"?

It really surprises me that this happens much here, and I would have thought any man who has been here a while would be pretty aware that it's hardly going to get a warm response.

LumpyMcBentface · 09/09/2016 13:52

Yep. Saw one today that was completely irrelevant to the topic. It's what prompted me to post.

Buggered if I can remember the posting name though. I just have it a side eye and came on AIBU to whinge about it.

OP posts:
LumpyMcBentface · 09/09/2016 13:52

*gave

OP posts:
WheelofPan · 09/09/2016 13:58

It's a shame that stance Maud re every bloke. e.g I and blokes I know well (which tbh is about 4 ) don't conform to your blanket assumptions about what 'we' actually think. Sure that won't make any difference to your choice but it does seem over-reactive, n'est-ce pas?

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 09/09/2016 14:05

Its called mumsnet though....?

It's our Wendy House, no boys allowed.

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 09/09/2016 14:16

Pan Do you mean boys, as in those of the male sex under a certain age or as a generic term for all those of the male sex?

Remember a lot of people on MN get very stroppy about anyone using the word girl to describe a woman over 18 - used to be just men doing that getting their arses kicked but these days even women who use that term get attacked by other women for doing so.

Quimby · 09/09/2016 14:25

"Andrew, what bothers me about your user name is that I still pronounce it in my head, as Andrew o fogg grin"

Holy fuck

His name isn't AndrewFROG Shock
I've been skim reading that wrong for fucking ages

DadDadDad · 09/09/2016 14:25

DrSeth - I'm guessing Pan was being jokey satirising the mentality that says "this is MUMSnet, it's only for MUMS, you men can't come and play here, so there!"