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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be furious with DD's nanny?

305 replies

alwaystimeforgin · 06/09/2016 16:47

So I am utterly fuming. I have just had a call from a friend of mine saying she had found my DD (She is 3 years old) wandering around at the park on her own with no adult in sight. After about 10 mins DD's nanny comes back with a coffee in her hand and when my friend questioned her she said she went to the cafe to get DD a drink as she was thirsty.

The coffee shop is the other side of the park and would have taken the nanny around 15 mins to walk there and back. Plenty of time for a child to get injured or get into some sort of danger. Hate to think what might have happened if my friend had not been there. The nanny has been great with DD up until this point and she has been a nanny for 15 years so I am genuinely shocked by this serious lack of judgement on her part. However, I don't think I can trust her now after this incident Is this grounds for dismissal or should I be giving her another chance?

OP posts:

TimTamTerrier · 06/09/2016 18:35

I don't think I could trust her again. She's been with you a short enough time that she could leave this job off her CV if she goes straight away, then she wouldn't need you to give references.

Littleballerina · 06/09/2016 18:35

I think absolutely neglecting your child.

Yorkieheaven · 06/09/2016 18:35

Read the thread people!

Op as a cm I wouldn't ask anyone else to watch mindees unless there was a serious emergency with another child and that's in my contract.

Her duty of care was to your child. At a park unless on play equipment or free play I would use a wrist strap in an under 4.

I couldn't possibly trust her after this.

oldlaundbooth · 06/09/2016 18:37

Get a new nanny FGS.

If she's still on he probation period, surely the verbal before written warning doesn't apply.

oldlaundbooth · 06/09/2016 18:37

And she does that a month in?!

Ozzieshunni · 06/09/2016 18:40

New nanny. I don't even think that would be up for discussion!

Crawlingupthewalls · 06/09/2016 18:41

Totally agree with all the others saying sack her - and how desperate for a coffee do you need to be to abandon your charge?! Madness...

isitseptemberyet · 06/09/2016 18:46

u will never feel comfortable leaving your child with her again.. the story of her friend watching her , even if true is absolutely still a sackable offence - what if something had happened to ur daughter whilst in the care of this person u didn't know ?! It's unbelievably ridiculous , i would sack her ass immediately

IWokeUpLikeThisHonest · 06/09/2016 18:49

I'd have to let her go..

Apart from the possibility of you DD getting hurt or worse, can you imagine trying to explain to anyone (family, friends, children's social care) if something was to happen tomorrow and you'd done nothing after this? I know children's social care would take an extremely dim view of that.

I wouldn't be able to concentrate doing anything else if I didn't trust my childminder.

This is her first month and she hasn't exactly been focusing on the job in hand, imagine her 6-12 months later when she's about fed up with work

Goingtobeawesome · 06/09/2016 18:50

Years ago I got sacked for not making an eighteen month old put his mittens on. I figured he'd get cold hands and want to put them on without any fuss..

monkeygone · 06/09/2016 18:51

It's hard to tell online, because this sounds so ridiculous that it's difficult to believe it could really be true.

However, if you are genuinely in this situation and you fully trust your friend's account, then 110% you need to sack this nanny. You can ask her for her side of the story first, butif she denies it, you'll assume she's lying because you trust your friend more, and if she admits it, then there is no possible excuse that the nanny could come up with that would make this acceptable.

MermaidTears · 06/09/2016 18:53

Easy way to find out. Did you ask your DD if nanny said, ' wait here while I go get us drinks'. Or did she say ' wait here and my friend over there will look after you if you need anything '. Along those lines. If the nanny never mentioned a friend to your DD then it's clearly made up. Whenever I am somewhere and need to pop off and do something like get a drink etc I usually say, stay here while I go and if you need anything ask (whichever friend I'm with) and don't go anywhere.

flumpybear · 06/09/2016 18:55

Richard - not sure what you mean BUT her actions may have led to the child being killed or kidnapped - she's 3 ffs!! This nanny has no excuses - coffee before a child - hinestly, you can't see this is a criminal offence!? You think petty theft, minor misdemeanours etc are OK for police action, but endangering a child's life isn't worth the police - you're an idiot!

Excited101 · 06/09/2016 19:03

This is disgraceful! I think she'd have to be sacked if it was me. Total miss judgement either purely by her, or by her and her friend (if she trusted a clearly untrustworthy person to watch dd) yes accidents and mistakes happen but this one is incredibly bad.

WhatamessIgotinto · 06/09/2016 19:04

Well given your nanny's explanation, I'm afraid I would be letting her go.

I would not be happy with my nanny leaving my child in someone else's care unless I knew who that person was in any case.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 06/09/2016 19:05

She left a 3 year old baby alone in a park. Does she actually live on this planet.
It really makes you go cold when you think of what could have happened, if. Your friend had not been there. The potential dangers are endless.
There is no room for second chances. She has to go. Assuming of course that your friend is not spinning you a yarn.

Iflyaway · 06/09/2016 19:11

She left a 3 year old alone in a park while getting coffee??!!

WTF!

15 years a nanny? Did you check her references? I mean ,it's easy to fake all kinds of documents nowadays.

I wouldn't keep a nanny who so abuses the bottom line. Which is taking care of your charge!

MatildaTheCat · 06/09/2016 19:14

Still on probation and behaves this way? Cut your losses and let her go. Thank your stars your friend was there, you got lucky this time.

AnnaMarlowe · 06/09/2016 19:15

"DD didn't want to go"

Since when is a 3 yo in charge of where she goes or doesn't?

I'm still pretty amazed that a professional nanny would take a child out for the day in summer and not be carrying a drink in her bag.

GingerIvy · 06/09/2016 19:21

Have to admit, I was thinking:

nanny should have been prepared and had drink along
sounds like she went to get a drink for herself, not your child (coffee). Wouldn't most children tag along happily if it meant something for them?? If I go to get a coffee for me, my kids are not always keen, but if it means they're getting something to drink, they're right next to me, clamouring for the drink.
shouldn't have left the child with anyone else (and I rather suspect she didn't - she just left) If there was a friend, the nanny clearly showed poor judgement in who she left in charge of the child
if she's this lax on probation, I dread to think how she'll be once she's off probation
did she offer the "friend's" details so you could verify her story right then and there? Bet not. If there actually was a friend present, she's likely already contacted her now, although friend would be foolish in the extreme to agree to backing her up.

JudyCoolibar · 06/09/2016 19:39

What it comes down to is that she is paid to look after your DD, not to leave her with someone else while she swans off for 15 minutes. I find it difficult to believe that your child didn't want to go with her if she was asking for a drink, and it would be easy enough to put her in a buggy if she didn't want to walk.

The most telling factor is that she doesn't seem to have told your friend this version of events. You would have expected her to be extremely upset and to go off and find the person who was supposed to be looking after your DD, both to back her up and to shout at her.

monkeygone · 06/09/2016 19:41

I'm sorry but whether she's sorry or not would make no difference to me. She can't be trusted, nothing can change that - time to find a new nanny.

WindInThePussyWillows · 06/09/2016 19:44

Regardless of her reasons, your DD was left alone in a public place for a substantial amount of time. I would be thanking my lucky stars your friend found her and not some creep. She's not been responsible whilst in soul care of your child and she has neglected her.

revealall · 06/09/2016 19:44

I don't understand why the explaination is " gone to get coffee" rather than " left with a friend". It's not semantics but what you would say as a worried nannybin charge of a three year old.

Beeziekn33ze · 06/09/2016 19:45

You have to dismiss her I think. Immediately.
Ask for contact details of the 'other nanny' and her employer and find out whether they exist. The employer needs to know the 'other nanny' neither kept an eye on DD nor remembered she had charge of her.
Are you completely certain your nanny has 15 years experience? Have her references been thoroughly checked?
The whole thing doesn't sound like a genuine nanny, does she claim to have been properly trained, with certificates to prove it?

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