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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious with DD's nanny?

305 replies

alwaystimeforgin · 06/09/2016 16:47

So I am utterly fuming. I have just had a call from a friend of mine saying she had found my DD (She is 3 years old) wandering around at the park on her own with no adult in sight. After about 10 mins DD's nanny comes back with a coffee in her hand and when my friend questioned her she said she went to the cafe to get DD a drink as she was thirsty.

The coffee shop is the other side of the park and would have taken the nanny around 15 mins to walk there and back. Plenty of time for a child to get injured or get into some sort of danger. Hate to think what might have happened if my friend had not been there. The nanny has been great with DD up until this point and she has been a nanny for 15 years so I am genuinely shocked by this serious lack of judgement on her part. However, I don't think I can trust her now after this incident Confused Is this grounds for dismissal or should I be giving her another chance? Hmm

OP posts:
LittleBeautyBelle · 06/09/2016 17:32

She walked off to a cafe leaving your three year old in the park for ten minutes?

No way in the world I would keep her on. Yes, you can ask her what happened, but the fact is, unless your friend is lying or completely got the scene twisted, the nanny left your daughter alone in a park to go get a coffee. That is exactly what you don't want in a nanny. I would not allow her to care for my child again. I don't think she could come up with a satisfactory answer for me to trust her with my child.

NickyEds · 06/09/2016 17:33

I just can not conceive of why any adult, much less a child care professional would leave a three year old alone in a park. There's got to be more to this hasn't there? I go to a toddler group where there are several cms and nannies and between us we often 'keep an eye' on each others dc, whilst we nip to the loo etc and I suppose if someone came in at that precise moment it might look like the dc had been left alone...but we would challenge anyone who came up to the child and the cm/nanny would be back in a couple of minutes.

SandyY2K · 06/09/2016 17:36

Surely if your DD had been left with another adult, she'd have told your friend that. If it's true, it's not the kind of thing you give a second chance for IMO.

It's a fundamental breach of trust and confidence.

AprilSkies44 · 06/09/2016 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpaceDinosaur · 06/09/2016 17:38

I can't see a nanny abandoning a toddler to go for a drink. I just can't comprehend it.

There must be something that your friend missed.

PotOfYoghurt · 06/09/2016 17:39

This sounds very strange.

coconutpie · 06/09/2016 17:41

Sack her.

seven201 · 06/09/2016 17:41

Bloody hell! I don't think I could trust her again if it turns out she really did leave her.

RattieOfCatan · 06/09/2016 17:42

I'd want to know what the nanny had to say first. I'd like to think that a friend of hers was keeping an eye on your DD (though as a nanny I haven't left my charges with anybody else before, but I didn't have any close nanny/parent friends who I would have left my charges with!) however having had another nanny who I met at the park half an hour before wander off leaving one of her charges with me, without making it clear that I was 'watching' the other one of her charges, this kind of situation wouldn't surprise me! Luckily I realised her young toddler charge was playing near mine otherwise he could have easily walked off without me even realising.

RattieOfCatan · 06/09/2016 17:43

Oh, and I would also let her go if she genuinely thought that it was acceptable to leave your DD alone, that's madness!

RunningLulu · 06/09/2016 17:46

It seems really strange. I'd ask the Nanny and your daughter too.

NotYoda · 06/09/2016 17:47

I agree Arsicle

OP - Find out what happened first, then come back to us

Inthebathprobably · 06/09/2016 17:47

Is it totally out of character for her to do this?

A lot depends on her response on explaining if the incident happened as your friend described.

The fact she apparently told your friend why she was away and didn't see an issue is very worrying

notapizzaeater · 06/09/2016 17:53

Wow, was there other adults around, though she shouldn't have left another adult In charge of her without your permission.

MuseumOfCurry · 06/09/2016 17:57

I also can't imagine a nanny of 15 years doing this. There has to be some explanation. When will you see her?

isitseptemberyet · 06/09/2016 17:57

i would FREAK. In fact id hit the roof if i was paying someone to watch my ten year old and they left them unattended for even ten minutes, a THREE year old !!! thats absolutely insane !
I know u say shes been good up until now, but is that just bcos she hasnt been caught out before ! :-s
Good luck, she may well already have a story concocted contradicting ur friends account, as ur friend had questioned her about her whereabouts upon her return.. she will be bonkers if she isnt expecting u to say something about it.

I would not be writing her a good reference, imagine if she left another child in the future and something happened, she is a hazard waiting to happen

pensivepolly · 06/09/2016 18:03

One hundred percent a fireable offence. Obviously you have to give her a chance to explain herself, but it's hard to imagine what story she will give you. So many other similar things might have happened that you don't know about. Imagine if your DD had been taken because your nanny left her alone for that long.

DameFanny · 06/09/2016 18:06

This is such a fundamental dereliction of duty as it's described that I don't believe a trained nanny would do that. Ask her what happened?

If you're actually talking about a very young au pair, then it's a little more believable, but I'd still ask.

expatinscotland · 06/09/2016 18:12

Sounds like your friend wants a nanny.

PollyPerky · 06/09/2016 18:15

I don't believe this.

A nanny leaves a 3 yr old alone in a park for 10 minutes ?

Errrr......surely not.

waterrat · 06/09/2016 18:15

I genuinely find it hard to belive a nanny wpuld do this. Why wpuld she ? Surely she was watching the 3 year old from a distance or something. It's just such a crazy thing to do.

TimTamTerrier · 06/09/2016 18:18

The conspiracy theories about the friend wanting a nanny are tongue in cheek, right? Really, would anyone be willing to work for someone who lied to make you lose your previous job? Or am I missing something and this might really happen?

Original poster
alwaystimeforgin · 06/09/2016 18:18

Hi everyone,
So I had a chat with nanny this evening about what happened. According to Nanny DD had not wanted to come with her to cafe and so she had asked her friend to watch DD, apparently when she came back her friend had gone to take her child off to the toilet and forgot about my child. I asked her why she didn't take DD with her and she said that she has felt confident leaving her with said friend. I do not completely believe her story, purely going by her body language and how she reacted when I asked her Hmm. I think to be honest I have just answered my own question- I should just get a new nanny and move on.

To answer your questions, yes we do have a contract which states she gets a verbal then written warning before dismissal unless it is gross misconduct ie. neglecting the child. She has only been with us for around a month so is still on her probation period. Her references were very good and told me it will not happen again and she is sorry. However I am still a bit Confused about the whole thing.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 06/09/2016 18:18

I'm a qualified nanny and maternity nurse with 25yrs esp a db I find it hard to believe that a nanny with 15yrs exp would leave a child alone and go off to get a drink

Obv ask the nanny what happened

I'm hoping she left with a friend of her watching her

Tho if course should have taken your dd with her

How long have you employed this nanny?

What does your contract say about dismissal?

But yes if true and nanny did leave her alone then agree instant dismissal due to gross misconduct

MuseumOfCurry · 06/09/2016 18:19

Sounds like your friend wants a nanny.
ha.