Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious with DD's nanny?

305 replies

alwaystimeforgin · 06/09/2016 16:47

So I am utterly fuming. I have just had a call from a friend of mine saying she had found my DD (She is 3 years old) wandering around at the park on her own with no adult in sight. After about 10 mins DD's nanny comes back with a coffee in her hand and when my friend questioned her she said she went to the cafe to get DD a drink as she was thirsty.

The coffee shop is the other side of the park and would have taken the nanny around 15 mins to walk there and back. Plenty of time for a child to get injured or get into some sort of danger. Hate to think what might have happened if my friend had not been there. The nanny has been great with DD up until this point and she has been a nanny for 15 years so I am genuinely shocked by this serious lack of judgement on her part. However, I don't think I can trust her now after this incident Confused Is this grounds for dismissal or should I be giving her another chance? Hmm

OP posts:
blowmybarnacles · 06/09/2016 19:47

As a childminder, kids come to the loo with me, whether they like it or not!
If the nanny didn't go spare realising what had happened when she got back with her coffee, she isn't taking her job seriously.
It beggars belief that she is this irresponsible. Shock.

revealall · 06/09/2016 19:50

I actually don't think it's unreasonable to leave a child with a friend you know especially as the friend had a child who was playing there too. Plenty of parents would do this whilst the other gets a coffee.
However as a nanny you are paid too aren't a bit better than a parent so perhaps she isn't as good as all that.
If you don't trust her then you are right to get shot.

revealall · 06/09/2016 19:51

Sorry " paid to parent better than a parent"

nannynick · 06/09/2016 19:52

This friend they say they left your DD with, do you even know if they exist - have you been given their contact details?

They have been in the job a month ish, so how well do they know this friend (maybe they worked in the same area a long time) - not well enough though if the friend feels it is acceptable to leave a child who has been put in their care.

Her body language didn't feel right when you spoke with her - trust your instincts.

Still in probation? If so then serious thought needs to go in to giving notice to stop. They should be building trust with you, not destroying what little was there.

GingerIvy · 06/09/2016 19:52

True, but that's the parent's choice, and the friend is someone the parent knows. The nanny shouldn't be leaving the child with anyone else, except in an emergency, and only with those that the parents have agreed are okay. Last I checked, coffee is not an emergency (even for me, and I practically live on the stuff!).

MunchCrunch01 · 06/09/2016 19:53

If I left my 3 yo dd with a friend in a park and she forgot about my dd, that'd be an ex friend. Surely if you were watching someone else's child you'd be extra careful? She can't have known this 'friend' very long.

JaneAustinAllegro · 06/09/2016 19:53

If there really was a friend keeping an eye on your daughter, the nanny would have made damn sure she gave her side of the story and a massive apology to your friend. She would have made sure your friend was made aware. And regardless, she should have called you to tell you about such a serious incident before you heard it from your friend or child. Appalling lack of judgement even if it had been true.

MunchCrunch01 · 06/09/2016 19:53

If your nanny has any sense, she'll resign, she must know that she's going to get sacked, I'd expect it.

HermioneWeasley · 06/09/2016 19:57

OP, the trust is gone. You need to let her go

Moreisnnogedag · 06/09/2016 19:58

As unbelievable as it seems, I think she did just leave her. If I'd asked a friend to keep an eye out for my child (or someone else's child who I was looking after) and came back to find some random talking to the kid, I'd be going apeshit about right there and then. And I'd probably cry. Surely, you'd be furious and trying to find the stupid woman who was meant to be looking after the child?! Not just, ah well went to get a coffee.

Mynestisfullofempty · 06/09/2016 19:59

OP she went to get herself a drink, not your child. she got a coffee!

Original poster
alwaystimeforgin · 06/09/2016 20:00

Thank you so much for all your replies. I have just messaged the Nanny and told her to not bother coming back Angry I am also dismissing her without pay as I strongly believe she is lying about what has happened, especially as when asked for her "friends" number she couldn't give it to me. I also asked DD about what happened and she said that she was looking for the nanny and couldn't find her Sad that leads me to believe that she never left her with an adult and it is just an eloborate story. She also didn't bring up the incident when she arrived home with my child which makes me wonder if she ever would have told me if I hadn't confronted her!!

I am going to seriously struggle to trust anybody with my child after all this! What a total nightmare! I have reported her to Ofsted so hopefully they will investigate further. This is our very first experience of a Nanny so I am feeling very shocked and disappointed by all of this.

OP posts:
PotOfYoghurt · 06/09/2016 20:05

Oh op I know it must feel awful now but of all the nannies in my network not one would consider doing this. I'm sorry you've had such a bad start with nannies, but you've done he right thing by letting her go. This is no fault if yours.

CaffeineBomb · 06/09/2016 20:06

I am so shocked by this! I can totally understand why you will find it difficult to trust someone else with your child I know I would too.

I really can't understand what she was thinking leaving a 3 year old baby on their own in a park. At the end of the day even if she did leave her with another adult a) that adult left her alone anyway and b) you're not paying her friend you're paying her.

I would have made the same decision as you, I hope you can find some alternate (reliable) childcare soon

nannynick · 06/09/2016 20:11

I hope that the many messages on here from nannies can give you some confidence that most nannies would never leave a child alone. Trust is a big thing which takes time to build up, we do realise that it is hard for parents to leave their children in our care.

Please don't let it put you off nannies but instead use this experience when interviewing other childcarers... ask them what they would do if a child refused to come with them if they were at a playground and needed to go to the park cafe.

QuackDuckQuack · 06/09/2016 20:15

Would you consider a nursery instead? I know that people often have nannies because nursery hours don't work for them, but if a nursery might be an option then you are probably at the best time of year to find one with places available.

TendonQueen · 06/09/2016 20:16

Utterly, utterly weird. Leaving a 3 yo alone in a park isn't something even a partway competent parent would do, so to think a nanny would do it is jaw-dropping. However, as she sort of coughed to it initially, and even later couldn't come up with a good explanation, you've done the only thing possible. She can't expect a reference from you after that.

oblada · 06/09/2016 20:16

That's bad!! Sorry for you OP must be very hard!!!

A lot of misunderstanding around employment law here tho: the 2 years statutory period is indeed pretty much like a probation period and any employee can be dismissed for any reason (except discrimination and similar) during that time as long as correct notice is served (statutory notice is 1 week after 1 month and before 2yrs). Wrongful dismissal would only occur if notice was not paid/given and would be easily remedied. There is never 'immediate' dismissal without notice, it should either be dismissal on notice and then if notice is paid the procedure becomes pretty irrelevant, or dismissal after disciplinary hearing for gross misconduct for instance so no need for notice but must follow procedure. here she could probably claim her notice but i doubt she will....

oblada · 06/09/2016 20:17

correction- the exception is employee under 1 month of service where no notice is due unless contract says otherwise....

LagunaBubbles · 06/09/2016 20:17

I'm in Scotland, not England so I'm not aware of the direct responsibilities of Ofsted but I didn't they regulated nannies, could be wrong though!

JennyJudah · 06/09/2016 20:19

If there hasn't been any complaints, I would address this to the nanny and get rid of the dark cloud. There must have been other kids playing around and enough adults to witness any mishap.

Then again, I would be worried and fuming because people have their own problems and what if DD happened to ...slip away..

HPandBaconSandwiches · 06/09/2016 20:22

Well done OP.

If you can find the time, please contact her referees and let them know what happened. At least they may think twice about giving an unblemished reference to someone so irresponsible.

Hope you manage to find alternative childcare soon. Personally, we used nursery and both of ours loved it.

Hereforthebeer · 06/09/2016 20:23

Ask you nanny, but if she did this, you can't leave your child in her care again.

nannynick · 06/09/2016 20:25

Ofsted don't regulate nannies but nannies can be registered with Ofsted on a voluntary register which enables parents to use childcare vouchers, tax credits or Tax-Free Childcare (from 2017). Therefore if the nanny was registered with Ofsted, an incident like this should be reported to them.

RubbleBubble00 · 06/09/2016 20:29

My bloods running cold reading this, someone could have so easily taken her. You defiantly did the right thing sacking her.