Dd and Hungarian boy in her class

[GastonsPomPomWrath]

This is wwyd situation. Please be gentle with me.

It's my children's first day back at school today. Dd is 8 and has just started year 4. She's a bright child, top of the class, good in all subjects.

There's a new boy in the class. We'll call him Y. Y is Hungarian and speaks no or very very limited English at the moment.

The teacher has put my dd with Y to partner him in everything. She must work with him, talk to him, play with him at play time and lunchtime and help him during dinner in the hall. He has to copy her work exactly so he can learn to write our language. Dd didn't manage to finish her work because Y was struggling to keep up with her.

Dd told the teacher that she was having trouble understanding him and him understanding her and the teacher replied that she "hasn't got a choice" and she "must teach him how to speak and write English."

Now I do understand that the boy is probably better off being integrated in the classroom to pick up the way things are done and the language but is it totally reasonable for the teacher to carry on with her lesson whilst letting my dd teach Y? The school don't seem to have any resources or staff available to teach one to one for children who don't use English as their first language. The teaching assistant didn't offer any help (I asked Dd)

Would you be happy with this situation?

Dd came home asking me to help her figure out how she will communicate with him tomorrow.

the school should pay for an interpreter and/or 1:1 teaching assistant.

Here we go again! How on earth do you propose that schools, already on impossible-to-manage budgets whereby support staff are being let go due to lack of funds, finance such a thing? And not just for one Hungarian child, but all the other nationalities that turn up at regular intervals in many areas.

No update from OP
Probably because, surprise, the teacher
didn't tell the DD 'to teach him how to speak English'
Has been very interesting to read the experiences of PP who have been in the position of the Hungarian boy.

You don't know what has transpired so you should not make mean comments.

That the child felt concerned enough to mention to her parent what had happened, is good enough for me. And if the child did get the story slightly wrong, that is small wonder.

No child should be put into this position without parental approval - and, it goes without saying, the approval of the child herself.

I would not want mine to share their brilliance with any other child! Sorry but children are at school to get the most that they can from the experience. It's not your daughters job to help a scared, helpless child! If your child has to help this other child all day she will suffer. Sorry but it's a dog eat dog world and I would not allow this to happen. WAy too much pressure for a small child.

One of the most stupid and depressing things I've ever read on mumsnet.

indeed, if it was meant seriously

One of the most stupid and depressing things I've ever read on mumsnet.

Indeed. School is about learning social skills, which include empathy. Raising a child that it's a "dog eat dog world" and they should not help a "scared, helpless child" is horrendous.

I would not describe anyone as "brilliant" if they'd balk at an opportunity to help someone vulnerable. Maybe they'd be good at exams, but not brilliant. Actually they'd be quite stunted as a human being.

I had to respond because I was that Hungarian kid! I was 6 years old and spoke no English when we moved to the US. My sister and I had an awesome ESL teacher for a few hours a week but otherwise just got on with it (yes, even we miserly US taxpayers pay for ESL teachers.) Kids learn very quickly and I was soon "top set" myself. Now my own daughter is in a dual language school with Spanish speakers and they help each other.

I will add though, I never had a partner or buddy. I was later asked to help other kids (math mostly) and it was hard. One girl blamed me for her bad grade. I'd talk to the teacher and keep an eye on it, and make sure your daughter does not feel responsible for the other kid. I would not have wanted that myself.

I have to admit I haven't read all the replies here but I wanted to perhaps add a different perspective. I moved from the UK to Germany with my two exclusively English speaking children and effectively chucked them both in at the deep end to a German Kindergarten and School.

Firstly I think you need to speak to the teacher (with an open mind) about how long they want to have this pairing - I say that for 3 reasons, 1. Neither child wants to feel isolated or reliant on each-other and both should be free to mix with other children. The new child will mostly likely be worried about mixing if this exclusivity is too prolonged. 2 A change or rotating pairings would allow your DD to focus on her work, and allow Y to hear other speech patterns. 3. Get a clear outline on how the teacher feels this will benefit your DD (perhaps she is bright enough to pick up another language, and prevent boredom in class?) or what the consequences of this may be.

As the parent of the new child these are my observations, having one friend can be slightly problematic. If that child is not there, the newbie feels vulnerable and in terms of confidence we're back to square one. Being able to mix with others allows for pronunciation to be developed in a more rounded manner. Children do however pick up languages very quickly, so all in all it might not be for very long at all. We have been here 2 years and DS is like any other child at school, however after 3 months he was versed enough to get by, by himself! The key however, I found was, he learned quicker and with more confidence when he was with children and not adults! This may well be why the teacher has chosen this path. As the parent though, I do feel incredibly guilty that this language isn't something I have been able to teach him, and I have been very aware about how other children respond to him. That being said, the children have taken him under their wings and made him feel at home. On a side note the parents have also been very welcoming and helpful to me.

OP you are not wrong for wanting more information on the arrangement, and given that this is not a normal occurrence seek reassurance that your DD's education will not suffer. The teacher will no doubt be trying to slot Y in with as little fuss as possible, and with those they feel can best deal with assisting them.

This set up is clearly beneficial for the new pupil but will put a strain on your daughter. She will have been chosen as she is academically able and likely to suffer the least in the class and she will benefit in unexpected ways from this experience, but she should not have the entire responsibility on her shoulders. There is no reason a small group of children can't support him. In fact giving that responsibility to less able students often gives them quite a boost in self esteem.

It's not your daughters job to help a scared, helpless child!

No, it's EVERYONE'S job. We are not animals, we are human beings and surely as a species, we all take responsibility for all our children? It's not a dog eat dog world out there, but it certainly seems to be a dog eat dog country in the UK.

This opinion has revolted me.

I would not want mine to share their brilliance with any other child! Sorry but children are at school to get the most that they can from the experience. It's not your daughters job to help a scared, helpless child! If your child has to help this other child all day she will suffer. Sorry but it's a dog eat dog world and I would not allow this to happen. WAy too much pressure for a small child

I pity you.

There is no update. Probably because the childamage reported it incorrectly.

Love the humanity on here, one day karma will get you too.

All those who've decided that I'm not genuine or made mean spirited comments about my child and me should be bloody ashamed of themselves. Just think before you leap in and make horrid comments.

I'm sorry I haven't been on to update but I have actually been too busy to come on today.

I did ask the teacher what was going on this morning. She confirmed that the child had been placed with my dd yesterday for the whole day. I told her what dd had said and she said she might have worded it badly at the time. I explained that I wasn't entirely happy with it but the teacher said that today there a classroom rearrange and he would be on the table with others as well. A group of about 5 I think.

This afternoon when I collected dd she said he was quite disruptive all day (understandably, he's in a strange place with strange people) and he was moved next to another child closer to the teacher.

I don't think that the teacher meant to make my dd feel responsible for him but actually that is how she felt.

Sorry to everyone who has been offended by anything here.

OP, I'm really glad that wasn't the plan and that your DD isn't in charge of him.
hope she has a good school term

In regards to the top of the class question I knew my DD was one of the top of her class because her teacher told me

I had something similar happen to my DD when she was in year 3 I think.

She had to sit with a particular child in ICT who was badly behaved, a bit agressive and not too bright. She said he never listened and always messed around.

She was becoming stressed out about the day she had ICT because of this.

I spoke to the teacher and she said, yes it was true ... he was a bit challenging as my DD had described, but she was putting him with my DD to learn from her and because she was well behaved. She said It wasn't just my DD who had this. She paired up a less capable child/one with behavioural problems with a well behaved higher ability child in the hope they would learn from them.

I said but I'm not having that if it's causing her stress having to sit with him, because he doesn't listen and his behaviour was affecting her learning and it's making her dread the lesson.

She said she'd move him for the next lesson.

So basically as many of us suspected - your daughter had totally got the wrong end of the stick.

Thank goodness you didn't make a total idiot of yourself by going straight to the governors as a few idiotic posters suggested.

I hope your DD and her new classmate both have a wonderful year 4.

Glad your dd is fine OP and hope this little lad will settle in OK.

Just so you know I have taught students with no English at all, in English, it is very hard. But kids would have a much easier time than adults or even young adults.

Do you think you would have needed to start a thread here if you had spoken to the teacher first?

So glad I've read this thread OP as I've been faced with an incredibly similar issues since DD returned to school on Monday and I'm meeting with the head later this week. Hope it all works out for your DD.

And I have learned a very useful thing - when people say their child is 'top of the class', they mean 'one of the top', not the actual top. That was what I was confused by so thank you for clearing that up. It makes a lot more sense (and is a lot more credible!).

Well done OP well handled.
Some people have given some good advise take that away from the thread then the negative bashing ones.

Goblin - you hit on what was concerning me. He certainly won't learn by copying OP's DD's written work.

I 've worked with lots of EAL children. I'm sure the teacher just buddied him up for the day. It is a shame your daughter felt like that as the kids at our school clamber over being the buddy.
Children who have little or no English should be left to absorb the language and cultural changes for about three months. They can usually access the Maths lessons as long as they are shown the word and the required method. I give them cards with the days of the week on to start with and they gain confidence by writing the date. Some progress quickly while others take over a year before they progress.
There isn't any funding for them in this area. There hasn't been for about four years. We have one person to advise and she puts courses on about how to help these children. Some get frustrated but usually if someone is kind to them and they build a bond so that the child is able to go to them for help they start to relax and learn. Many catch up and as their parents value education many take over their peers. I have seen a boy last year go from not knowing more than hallo to being able to read and surpass about 10 children in six months.
His Maths, when the question was explained, was very good and he was

On the top table.
They teach other children to be kind, tolerant,patient and helpful. Life skills.

It doesn't sound to me like op's child got it wrong. It sounds like when the op spoke to the teacher, the teacher did an about turn claiming that 'she had worded it badly'. Of course she wouldn't admit to delegating her job to a child.
I think the op was entirely right to be concerned. The new child deserves a lot of support, and the school needs to have a proper plan to achieve this. It is also a learning experience for the children to help him, all of them, in a fair way, not to lump it all on one child. What a wonderful way for children to learn about another country or culture, and to learn about compassion and empathy. How to communicate with a child that doesn't speak English. Good exercise for a drama class, or to stimulate creativity in the classroom.