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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dd and Hungarian boy in her class

250 replies

GastonsPomPomWrath · 05/09/2016 17:32

This is wwyd situation. Please be gentle with me.

It's my children's first day back at school today. Dd is 8 and has just started year 4. She's a bright child, top of the class, good in all subjects.

There's a new boy in the class. We'll call him Y. Y is Hungarian and speaks no or very very limited English at the moment.

The teacher has put my dd with Y to partner him in everything. She must work with him, talk to him, play with him at play time and lunchtime and help him during dinner in the hall. He has to copy her work exactly so he can learn to write our language. Dd didn't manage to finish her work because Y was struggling to keep up with her.

Dd told the teacher that she was having trouble understanding him and him understanding her and the teacher replied that she "hasn't got a choice" and she "must teach him how to speak and write English."

Now I do understand that the boy is probably better off being integrated in the classroom to pick up the way things are done and the language but is it totally reasonable for the teacher to carry on with her lesson whilst letting my dd teach Y? The school don't seem to have any resources or staff available to teach one to one for children who don't use English as their first language. The teaching assistant didn't offer any help (I asked Dd)

Would you be happy with this situation?

Dd came home asking me to help her figure out how she will communicate with him tomorrow.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 05/09/2016 20:08

In my dd's school (where she is, sadly, more like bottom of the class than the top (due to dyslexia) all the kids know who is doing well and who is not. It is not a secret or something shameful. I think many kids now are much more accepting of people being different than we were when at school (35 years ago, when being dyslexic wasn't even recognized!).
Mamouth re "Whether you agree with it or not, this is certainly a class management tool used a lot ime." I think that would be ok if people had periods of time sitting by a disruptive pupil but if they end up with them all the time, that is so unfair.

As someone who was not very bright at school I was always in the lowest sets and consequently often with the most disruptive people who did not want to be there. I've ended up not being as dim as I was once led to believe!

stripedsocks I don't think you've read what's written and you've twice cast aspersions on the OP's daughter in a rather mean way! "Believe me he'll catch up and probably end up overtaking the op's dd eventually." and "She'll survive and very likely gain far more from said child than he will from her."

You've no evidence for this, at all. Maybe she will gain from it, but only if she is not left feeling the sole 'burden' of it!

FrustratedFrugal · 05/09/2016 20:10

I was the Hungarian boy when I was 10. My parents moved to Germany for a year, I landed in the local school. I had been very bright and highly literate, and there I was, unable to signal even my most basic needs. A couple of children were assigned to look after me. I learned the language in less than a year. I am still very grateful and hope that I did not hold them back.

Italiangreyhound · 05/09/2016 20:13

Mycatsabastard you've described a situation where your dd did something out of choice and then said to the OP, "yes, your DD should be taking him under her wing and including him in play time, lunchtime etc and him copying her work should not be slowing her down in the slightest."

How fair is that? Imagine if a new person arrived at work, didn't speak the language and you had to take them under your wing, help them, all the time and still do your work. Even when you did not want to. Is that OK?

It does really boil down to how long this goes on for and how many other children are asked to help.

Of course it is nice to be welcoming and helpful etc but not all the time without having choice in it.

FrustratedFrugal · 05/09/2016 20:18

So I googled the girl who tutored me in Germany. She has a law degree from Harvard and she is currently a law professor at Heidelberg.

Goodasgoldilox · 05/09/2016 20:20

Has she managed to learn any Hungarian? My DD picked up quite a bit of Russian in similar circumstances. It led her to a real interest in other languages more generally

RepentAtLeisure · 05/09/2016 20:23

For one day, fine. But if it happens again tomorrow you need to talk to the teacher. I doubt it's too helpful to the new child either to only be exposed to one new person.

biscuitz72 · 05/09/2016 20:30

My daughter's helped 2 children (one Polish and one Lithuanian) over the course of the last 3 years. The children in question picked up the language very quickly and it has led to her forming solid friendships with them both. In return, they've taught her some of their languages and she's learnt about different cultures/foods, etc.

She was chosen because she's sensible and kind and likes to help, which I think are admirable qualities that I want to foster.

Damselindestress · 05/09/2016 20:31

Fair enough to have a buddy system to help him settle in but this is going too far. It's not your DD's responsibility or within her ability to teach English as a second language. The boy needs help with his English from a qualified teacher and your DD needs to be able to concentrate on her lessons not teach another student! Talk to the teacher about it.

frumpet · 05/09/2016 21:04

It isn't your DD's responsibility to 'teach' this child English , but what she is doing is being nice by helping him , and surely that is what we all really want our children to grow up to be ?

Teapot13 · 05/09/2016 21:13

I agree that OP should get all the facts, and that other children besides her DD should help too.

But I find it really appalling that so many view this so negatively. I would be proud to have my DD do this and I know it would help (rather than hinder) her academically. Also I want my children to learn to be kind and helpful. . .

DiegeticMuch · 05/09/2016 21:21

A buddying system was used at my kids' primary for scenarios like this. It didn't happen much becausee we don't live in a terribly diverse area, but when it did, it worked. My son helped a child from Vietnam to settle in. However, each immigrant child had about 4 buddies, usually academically able kids, who did the job between them. 1 buddy is insufficient.

DoinItFine · 05/09/2016 21:40

So I googled the girl who tutored me in Germany. She has a law degree from Harvard and she is currently a law professor at Heidelberg.

Imagine what she would have achieved if it hadn't been for you?

Italiangreyhound · 05/09/2016 21:47

FrustratedFrugal ...good for her.

DoinItFine you are missing an ironic grin Grin !!

Cagliostro · 05/09/2016 21:51

Hopefully it's a misunderstanding. As a short term thing I think I'd be ok with it though.

Mind you I'd think it'd be more helpful for all concerned to get every child involved with helping this new boy settle, learn the language etc, rather than one specific child.

Headofthehive55 · 06/09/2016 13:54

When we asked the school if our DD could be transferred to the other half of the year to not be with this girl she'd been partnered with all the time they refused as "behavioural issues girl would be on her own and unhappy" it seemed not to matter that our DD was unhappy. Eventually we moved schools.

Although it's kind, it's not fair if it's all the time.

HormonalHeap · 06/09/2016 14:05

Am absolutely speechless if it's true. Can you imagine for example an independent school trying to get away with this? Sounds to me as if your dd has been singled out due to her ability. I have never heard anything like it.

rosesarered9 · 06/09/2016 14:09

IF it is as your DD describes it, then the school should pay for an interpreter and/or 1:1 teaching assistant. Surely there's someone in your region who speaks Hungarian and English?

Caipora · 06/09/2016 14:18

rosesarered9 it's hard enough to get 1:1 for SEN children. A lot are roped into being an additional TA's but that's another issue that could take an entire thread.

Schools cannot get a helper just because a child doesn't speak English. It takes children a very short time to learn a second language and usually they excell once they learn. Language learning is not a disability, nor is something that teacher's should be worrying a great deal about. Also translating everything for a child will make learning English much much harder.

If the OP's DD is telling the truth it sounds like the teacher might be overly anxious about this new addition to her class.

randomer · 06/09/2016 14:35

probably a short term thing till the child learns a little. Children find their level and their friends and you can't force somebody to be friends.

HughLauriesStubble · 06/09/2016 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

riceuten · 06/09/2016 17:38

Before we jump in the deep end here and end up with yet another anti-teaching profession rant, can the OP check with the teacher and/or the school that the expectations are as she has outlined? I have a feeling there's been a miscommunication somewhere along the line.

GoblinLittleOwl · 06/09/2016 17:46

Check with the teacher exactly what was asked of your daughter and enquire what sort of ethnic minority support service provision is available, in the school and in the county.
A child doesn't learn a language by copying out someone else's work, but I am surprised at how little knowledge some teachers have about how to integrate a child whose first language is not English.

rascalchops1 · 06/09/2016 17:58

My son had the same with a down syndrome girl in his class. He was put with her on days out, in class etc. It stressed him out because he was worried she might hurt herself and because he found it difficult to communicate. The teacher said it was because he was so good and kind with her. A compliment of course. But I pointed out he wasn't there to do that, he was there to learn. It stopped straight away. Your daughter is not responsible for this boy, that's his parents and the schools jobs. Check what she is saying is true and put a stop to it. It inhibits them at school terribly.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 06/09/2016 18:02

What did the teacher have to say?

Chopstick17 · 06/09/2016 18:20

Yanbu. I'm a TA and have seen similar situations arise. It's how things are these days, children arrive with little or no English and teachers have to teach them and the rest of the class and keep them all on track. Whereas it might be reasonable to sit the boy near bright children who can set a good example and he can learn from their habits, I think this has gone too far. Your DD shouldn't have to carry this alone and certainly not at break times etc. Have a word with Headteacher if Class teacher won't listen. I would do the same.