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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dd and Hungarian boy in her class

250 replies

GastonsPomPomWrath · 05/09/2016 17:32

This is wwyd situation. Please be gentle with me.

It's my children's first day back at school today. Dd is 8 and has just started year 4. She's a bright child, top of the class, good in all subjects.

There's a new boy in the class. We'll call him Y. Y is Hungarian and speaks no or very very limited English at the moment.

The teacher has put my dd with Y to partner him in everything. She must work with him, talk to him, play with him at play time and lunchtime and help him during dinner in the hall. He has to copy her work exactly so he can learn to write our language. Dd didn't manage to finish her work because Y was struggling to keep up with her.

Dd told the teacher that she was having trouble understanding him and him understanding her and the teacher replied that she "hasn't got a choice" and she "must teach him how to speak and write English."

Now I do understand that the boy is probably better off being integrated in the classroom to pick up the way things are done and the language but is it totally reasonable for the teacher to carry on with her lesson whilst letting my dd teach Y? The school don't seem to have any resources or staff available to teach one to one for children who don't use English as their first language. The teaching assistant didn't offer any help (I asked Dd)

Would you be happy with this situation?

Dd came home asking me to help her figure out how she will communicate with him tomorrow.

OP posts:

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 05/09/2016 18:14

I would ask if the boy can be rotated among the class so the responsibility is not all on your dd.

Original poster

GastonsPomPomWrath · 05/09/2016 18:14

Lynda - Yes, the teacher has told me that daughter is one of the 'top of the class' at parents' evenings. She had this teacher last year as well.

Again, thank you for your replies, I am here and taking it all on board.

OP posts:

Caipora · 05/09/2016 18:14

I would not be happy with this situation for the sake of your DD and the boy.

When my children moved to Brazil they were DD8 and DS10. They went straight into school with no Portuguese. They didn't understand anything anyone said. It is daunting and hard, but it is not a problem that needs to be solved. It is life, it happens and children adapt. The teacher does not need to take the whole thing on board and come up with a micro-managed solution.

The year before we left (while in London) DS had a Spanish girl move into his class and she was in the same boat. Before he left she wrote him a beautiful letter about how hard it is at first, but how, after a year you'll never want to go back. He has found this is exactly the case.

The boy will be going through a lot and it might be worth chatting to your DD. He doesn't need to finish the work and he doesn't need to learn everything from just one poor child.

What happened in the case of the Spanish girl and both my children is that everyone wanted to help them intergrate. I remember my children would alternate who they worked with, even children who did not do so well themselves and within less than 6 months they were doing all their work alone. Now they are like natives.

Do have a chat with the teacher to lighten the fuck up a bit (obviously word it a bit better) the child will learn in time, he doesn't need to learn EVERYTHING from your DD.

Owllady · 05/09/2016 18:14

I'll hazard a massive guess here and presume the child only registered today and they are trying to get appropriate support in place
I moved counties/schools at the end of the summer holidays once and the children couldn't be registered until the schools reopened and transport couldn't be arranged until three weeks after that etc presumably it's the same with finding appropriate staff etc

gillybeanz · 05/09/2016 18:14

I would check the story first, not that your dd could be lying but might not have full story.
Then I would make sure that something was done to help this boy. It isn't your dd job to teach, there is already one of those, it's her job to learn.

There needs to be 1 to 1 for this child, i thought schools had to provide this.
In the NW you can't move for job opportunities translating. Every language imaginable.

OVienna · 05/09/2016 18:14

This sounds too intense and more of a favour to the teachers than something that will benefit your DD. Yes, it may to a degree, but so what? So would other things (like being able to focus on her work exclusively) and I feel the teachers are leaning on her too hard (if this is accurate.) As casual says, check what the situation is first though.

OVienna · 05/09/2016 18:16

I also agree with Caipora - it does sound like everyone needs to "lighten the fuck up a bit" with this boy's situation. As she says, he will get there.

sonlypuppyfat · 05/09/2016 18:18

DS had this in yr8 with a Polish boy. They were sat together again because DS is nice the Polish boy started to cry because he didn't know what was going on and my DS got told off! Sorry he goes to school to learn himself not to be some kind of teaching assistant

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 05/09/2016 18:20

This happened to me in primary school. I was partnered with an Indian girl. She was lovely but it was so stressful. We couldn't even really play together at breaks so we just had to stand together in a corner. I guess I was chosen because I was a soft hearted, conscientious child, and I wasn't going to a) throw her to the wolves or b) make a fuss.

It really is unfair OP. Teach him English? Outrageous! As PP said both kids are being failed.

Go in tomorrow and demand an alternative. I rarely get worked up but I would over this. If nothing's done tomorrow - as in straight away - i'd be going to the head and then the board of governors.

Queenbean · 05/09/2016 18:23

Agree with the others that you need to clarify what has been asked of her

Jaimx86 · 05/09/2016 18:24

Imagine it in the reverse:
You've moved abroad quite suddenly for work (or other. Reason isn't down to the child). Child starts school in a new place where they can't speak to any other students and everything seems bewildering.

Surely you'd want your daughter to be placed with one of the nicest/smartest students in the class for a few days to help them to find their feet?

KERALA1 · 05/09/2016 18:24

Don't get the querying of OP about her daughters ability. My dd is in year 5 and all the kids know who fits in where - naive to think otherwise.

Sprinklestar · 05/09/2016 18:25

That sounds wholly inappropriate - for the new student and for your DD. I would find out the facts and then go directly to the head if this is definitely the case. It isn't your DD's role to have responsibility for another student like this.

Lovelyideas · 05/09/2016 18:25

ask what the arrangements Actually are - let teacher explain.

it's just been one day....

cannotlogin · 05/09/2016 18:30

It is also unfair on the British taxpayer to have to fork out for interpreters. Too many schools need interpreters (for many languages) nowadays

We have a wide variety of languages spoken in school - and I work in a largely white British area. I can't imagine how many languages must be spoken in the average London school. I have yet to see an interpreter, translator or anything resembling ESL teaching in school. Unless you count the Polish TAs who do a marvellous job of supporting Polish students but not as part of their job - in addition, at break, lunchtime and after school. They are not paid extra for that.

Does it occur to you that children from other countries have much to offer your children in terms of inter-cultural understanding, giving an insight into another world? I once worked in a multi-cultural primary class - it was truly amazing what they had to bring to the table on every day subjects such as what we eat/where food comes from/how food gets to our table for example.

Why not open your eyes a little and embrace the wider world?

Andbabymakesthree · 05/09/2016 18:31

The reliable role model child who basically never gets chance to be disruptive as too busy being a make shift TA to carefully placed class mate. They also don't get chance to truely excel either!

OP have a word. Compare expectations and understanding. Then make it clear the buddying needs to be shared and a decent plan for teaching and integration out in place!

LyndaNotLinda · 05/09/2016 18:31

KERALA - really? I know most of the kids who are in the top sets for English/Maths but not which one is 'top of the class'. Just curious how people know, that's all.

In any event, if the school streams children as the OP said in a subsequent post, her DD presumably is not paired with this boy 'for everything' as presumably he isn't in the top set for English and probably not maths either. I don't know how it works in the OP's school but here that means that children in the same class don't see one another between assembly and lunch.

juneau · 05/09/2016 18:32

If what your DD says is correct then I'd be furious. Your DD is a member of this class, not the teacher or TA. She should not be tasked with teaching this DC English or being forced to slow down so he can copy her work! That's outrageous. He should be having remedial English as part of his education until he's learned it and that should be the responsibility of the school, not one of his classmates. She's far too young for such an onerous responsibility, particularly one in which she's been given no choice. No way would I allow my DC to be put upon in this way.

mizu · 05/09/2016 18:33

I wouldn't have a problem with this in theory.
You need to clarify what the situation is though as school has just started.

In lots of situations like this, both parties benefit hugely.

Lorelei76 · 05/09/2016 18:35

Jaim "Surely you'd want your daughter to be placed with one of the nicest/smartest students in the class for a few days to help them to find their feet?"

actually I'd want them to be meeting and chatting with all the kids as far as possible and also I'd be very conscious of them not getting on any one kid's nerves. Surely the child being helped must be feeling they don't want to be parked with just one person as well? It's one thing to allocate a buddy to show you where things are etc but it's different for actual learning.

we didn't have streams at my primary, there was often a session where a more able child had to help a less able child but it was only for a couple of hours.

Ninasimoneinthemorning · 05/09/2016 18:36

He isn't your dd responsibility. It's not fair. Nip in and talk to the teacher about it.

randomer · 05/09/2016 18:37

top of the class....vom

mathanxiety · 05/09/2016 18:37

Hear hear Cannotlogin.

Queenbean · 05/09/2016 18:38

On the flip side. I remember being about 11 and a new girl joining us our class who didn't speak much English

At that age we were all totally insular, cliquey and lacked the awareness and understanding of someone who was that different. As a result, she remained very much the outsider and didn't do very well at school.

I think back to then and feel very guilty on behalf of my own lack of compassionate behaviour and think it would have really helped her if she'd been buddied up.

The lack of excelling that your daughter is going through just for the short-term may have no impact at all to her but may be life changing for this child.

sonlypuppyfat · 05/09/2016 18:38

Embrace the wider world, how very right on

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