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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm married to a hero, apparently

143 replies

Ineedaheronoidont · 05/09/2016 11:52

Dh took the dog for a walk yesterday afternoon. He also took 2 dc in their double buggy. This prompted a woman to stop him in the street and call him 'heroic' and that most men 'these days' wouldn't do it. Confused

AIBU to think that actually, a lot of young fathers 'these days' do a lot more then the fathers of yesteryear? I see so many dads pushing their dc around, with no mum to be seen. Also, AIBU to think I wouldn't be thought of as heroic for the same actions?

AIBU to have told dh he's no hero, she was just a bit silly?

OP posts:
LeonardInTheArgosBag · 07/09/2016 03:50

I live in a country where the roles are a bit more traditional, so I get this shit all the time.

When I go out on my own, it's 100% guaranteed that someone will look at me in surprise and say "who's looking after your children?!"

Who do you think?!?!

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 07/09/2016 08:23

It just absolutely worries me that the reason I get these comments from my friends is because thier own husbands are such useless twats that's they don't lift a finger and deem this stuff to be woman's work.

I get a lot of this shit from my mother. My dad did every bath and bedtime, looked after us at weekends and was a very much an equal in terms of parental responsibility and household chores. I don't know where she gets this bollocks from about how "lucky" I am that "dh is such a good dad" when he would be an average and unremarkable mum.

ErrolTheDragon · 07/09/2016 08:29

Helena - good idea.

EreniTheFrog · 07/09/2016 08:37

DH was once stopped by the police because a member of the public reported "a man running through the park with a little girl". The police drove them both home so that DH could show them his name on both his passport and DD's birth certificate.

SabineUndine · 07/09/2016 08:49

I admit to being a bit sentimental when I see dads out on their own with small children. This is because my own father never once took us out anywhere without my mother. I don't think he was unusual either.

Soubriquet · 07/09/2016 08:53

Isn't there a male celebrity already campaigning for changing facilities in the men's toilet?

Flumpnugget · 07/09/2016 08:59

This got commented on on holiday- DH is more than happy to mess around in the water with our brood for hours. Me, I get bored after half an hour. Cue passers by feeling the need to tell me "you've got a good one there- you reading your book and him doing all the childcare!". " Daddy daycare is it?" " How'd you manage to convince him to look after all the kids?" Etc etc
My OH has no issues about looking after our children and shock horror- enjoys it and plans things to do with them!
Managed to swallow down the venomous responses and then decided it was easier if I enjoyed my book at the chalet, alone, with wine, whilst they went! Far less irritating!

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 07/09/2016 10:15

WTAF Ereni??!! Shock

Slarti · 07/09/2016 10:48

It stems from crappy gender expectations doesn't it? There's a sexist notion that men are incapable of childcare so there's this rather backhanded compliment given when they're looking after their own kids. It would be like praising a girl for being good at maths or something. You're basically saying "I expected you to be shit at this, cos that's what you men/women are like."

Idratherbeaunicorn · 07/09/2016 10:51

This really winds me up - we're expecting our 1st and the amount of people that say to DH things along the lines of him babysitting and will he change nappies etc....
YES he will be changing nappies, its HIS baby too, and NO he wont be "Babysitting" his OWN child - he'll be FATHERING his child, including looking after them (shock horror!) ON HIS OWN Shock

cough sorry about that.... Apparently I needed to get something off my chest! Smile

unicornspoopingrainbows · 07/09/2016 11:11

I have two children. The eldest has severe learning disabilities and cannot speak. A neighbour once told me how lucky I was because my husband has 'stayed' with me despite this Confused.

LeonardInTheArgosBag · 07/09/2016 14:41

"DH was once stopped by the police because a member of the public reported "a man running through the park with a little girl". The police drove them both home so that DH could show them his name on both his passport and DD's birth certificate."

Shock that is INSANE.

IrishMumLife · 07/09/2016 15:06

Yes this P's me right off they get praise for something they might do one time and suddenly their the hero.! Nothing about the whole house u have cleaned and scrubbed and dinner you've prepared and not to mention cleaning and sterilising the bottles which also has to be made.! And as well looking after the baby all dayAngry

Gallievans · 07/09/2016 15:31

Oh my god Ereni did he get an apology? I know the policed have to be careful but seriously?

Habaneroplants · 14/09/2016 10:34

Unicornspoopingrainbows omg Shock

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 14/09/2016 10:50

LOLZZZZ - what Enrique said

yeah cos being a dad is so FUCKING HEROIC

FUCKS SAKE

this boils my piss

passingthrough1 · 14/09/2016 11:03

You know, my OH is finding combining work and having a baby really hard. He works long hours and feels bad for that and then feels bad when he doesn't work the extra hours and sees us (I'm on mat leave). We've been arguing about it but it's just now occurred to me (very happily!) that he has to juggle too! And he can't "have it all"! Maybe the fact that we're / he is finding this all so hard is that we are so much further along than my or his parents would have been.. He expects quite rightly to be a hands on father and that's not him being a "good" father, that's him being a father.

kat360 · 14/09/2016 11:05

My DH has a few responses to the "babysitting" remark, ranging from "No, They are all mine" to " I don't think kidnapping is classed as babysitting"
He gets allsorts of comments as we have 4 kids under 7. Even the midwife told him that he was "brave" for looking after 3 of them on his own while I was in labour. She also asked me if I was sure I could "trust" him with them Hmm

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