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AIBU?

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Original poster

I've had enough of my kids...

117 replies

LostTiredSad · 04/09/2016 18:46

I'm so tired I feel like crying. I try to think if it's just our family that is like this but I'll list out things they've done today and how I'm now at breaking point:

Dd1 (8) spilt Cheerios all over the kitchen floor and left it there for me to clear up. Didn't think that she should brush it up.

Ds (4) constantly hitting his little sister (2) and then running away or taking her things and holding them up high whilst she screams. Or crying for no apparent reason.

Dd2 threw a small toy into the toilet.

In between all of this, they are constantly doing things to make a mess in the house. I can't follow them around the house all the time, but the minute I'm doing something, there'll be paper all over the floor or today, ear buds all out of the pot and everywhere. They scream and make horrible animal type noises all the time. The moment I take them out ds will find something to cry or moan about. We haven't been to the park in 4 weeks because last time dd2 took out my cards from my purse and threw them under a tree which I had to go back and find. The time before that ds had a cry and moan because he had sand in his fucking shoes. He will ALWAYS find something to cry about.

I feel like we're a bunch of animals fresh out of the jungle. It's been like this all summer. I constantly shout. I don't want to talk to them. I don't want to be nice to them. I'm always angry, and even they know this. I remember when I used to talk to them nicely but they have never listened to me. I feel like a dog barking all the time. I need to change.

OP posts:
Original poster
LostTiredSad · 04/09/2016 18:49

I try to be happy and ask them to tidy up kindly, but ds especially just runs away. I always end up shouting in the end. Then ds almost always tells me I'm a horrible mummy for shouting...but they never listen when I ask them nicely.

What am i doing wrong?

OP posts:
Yorkieheaven · 04/09/2016 18:52

I think it's worrying that you are always angry as nothing you stated is remotely out of the ordinary for kids.

It is the end of the holidays soon so presumably your older 2 will be back to school.

maybe you are expecting too much or don't get enough help?

It sounds sad op. They are honestly little for such a blink of an eye and you need to gone then happy childhood memories.

Yorkieheaven · 04/09/2016 18:53

Have you tried star charts, reward charts?

Clearly you arnt a bad mum op. It's bloody hard work at this age. Flowers

Artandco · 04/09/2016 18:56

You haven't been to the park for a month? So most the school holidays? Do you go out every day? If not maybe they are bored at home?

Otherwise the odd bits of paper etc sound normal. 8 year old should tidy up

Soubriquet · 04/09/2016 18:56

I think it's the end of the school holidays and everyone is frustrated and fed up

Hopefully when the oldest go back to school, things will start to calm down.

Gottagetmoving · 04/09/2016 18:57

You are asking them kindly and then doing it yourself when they ignore them. Then you are shouting when you have had enough and that doesn't work because all they hear is noise.
Don't ask them.kindly. Tell them what you expect and follow through if they ignore.
Of course they ignore you, because why would they cooperate when they don't have to?

It's difficult with three children if you have not established rules from the beginning. You have to be the one in control because they are too young to control their own behaviour.
Stop and think and don't just react.

imnotapotato · 04/09/2016 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LostTiredSad · 04/09/2016 18:59

yorkie now you've made me cry. I know they're only small. I can't stop getting angry though. I feel like I'm constantly picking up crap and toys off the floor. I used to be so good with dd1 when she was small. I'd make time to read and write with her. I don't do it with the younger 2 at all. I count down to the time they're asleep. I got a part time job thinking it would help, but it hasn't.

Dh works long hours also, but today I've found out he's swapped his Sunday day off for Thursday which will be no help to me at all. Sunday I'll have to get clothes lunches and everything ready by myself whilst running around cleaning.

I need to stop shouting at them though. My mum never did it or my dad. I feel like a failure.

OP posts:
pullingmyhairout1 · 04/09/2016 18:59

Bless you. There is 9 years between my two and they bicker constantly. Drives me demented. Deep breath. Nearly the end of the school holidays. Try and get a day for yourself if that is at all possible.

pullingmyhairout1 · 04/09/2016 18:59

You're not a failure Flowers

Original poster
LostTiredSad · 04/09/2016 19:03

We had a week off work last week and took them out everyday to places, and stayed a night in Bournemouth which they loved. It's easier when dh is with me. Before that they had 4 weeks at holiday club, so not like it they were inside the house constantly. This is probably the only week we've been home. I took them to the park on my own on a weekend 4 weeks ago. I can't face it on my own again. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
LostTiredSad · 04/09/2016 19:04

Yes. I feel like the only person who is happy her kids are going back to school. Sad.

OP posts:
nennyrainbow · 04/09/2016 19:05

Everyone ( I think) has off days like you have described, but if you feel like that every day then something needs to change. To me, nothing there sounds particularly unusual given that it is school holidays and you have 3 children including 2 under fives.
Have you investigated parenting courses at your local children's centre? Ours offers a 10 week course for free which helps you see the world from your children's point of view and helps you understand their behaviour. Also, importantly, you get to meet other people who are maybe in a similar situation and share your experiences.

HonkHonkNose · 04/09/2016 19:06

Flowers it sounds so, so difficult. I've only got a 2 year old and honestly that's enough for me, there won't be a dc2.

Just wanted to say hats off to you. You're not crap, I've lost my temper today, it's really hard with kids. And my house is constantly a tip. Hopefully things will get a bit easier when they are back at school.

mahadams2 · 04/09/2016 19:06

Recognising that YOU need to change is the first step, seeing there is a problem & you wanting to change shows you care. I would recommend the super nanny book, how to get the best from your children. Stop worries about message, it always be there & your stessing yourself out to keep on top of it. The kids wont remember a cleaning house but they will remember you shouting all the time & in turn will be how they end up communicating back to you. Have you tried coming up with a daily routine to keep them occupied & then hopefully less shouting will be needed. Kids can be very emotional at any age but this will be more frequent if the child isnt spoken to properly & shown how to react or deal with situations. Im not judging you & have 2 kids myself. Each day is a new day to try again. Hope this helps.

Nanny0gg · 04/09/2016 19:07

Why has he changed his day and is this permanent?

Iwantawhippet · 04/09/2016 19:08

In my house the children tidy up when I tell them that if I have to do it everything goes in a black bag for the bin men.

Little ones are exhausting.

mahadams2 · 04/09/2016 19:08

Stop worrying about mess, its meant to say. Sorry stupid phone lol

thefourgp · 04/09/2016 19:09

You seem to be solely focused on cleaning up after your children. I think you need to do more fun things with them so you can enjoy your time with them more. Maybe take 10 minutes to read a book, play hide and seek, play I spy etc. Do you ever go for a walk or to softplay just to let them burn off some energy? Are you able to get more help from friends or family? Can you afford a part time cleaner to help reduce your stress levels? X

Boogers · 04/09/2016 19:09

You are NOT a failure!

You have looked after three young children, single handedly by the sounds of it, over what feels like a very long summer holiday. Your older daughter is probably desperate to get back to school, your son probably desperate to start school, and your younger daughter looking forwards to having you all to herself. It will get better. And don't compare yourself to anyone else, including your parents, because they were probably just as fraught as you are now, only because you were little you don't remember it.

What have you got planned tomorrow? What day do the schools go back where you are?

Claramarion · 04/09/2016 19:11

I am a Mam of three and when my youngest was one my middle child was two a half and my oldest was
Eight.
I remember tea time being a absolute nightmare and feeling like crying at times. It's hard but at times you have to accept the house will be a mess but have times in the day when the children are encouraged to clean up after them selves, I also used the thinking chair (stairs) a lot so my children new that when they has stepped out of line. This is a hard time there is no doubt but my children are
Now in there teens and pre teen and I would love to go back ten years and do this all again.
Please try to enjoy this time
And I know it's hard but it's only mess
Make memories that will last and the more you shout the more your children will think this is a way to communicate.

You are going to be exhausted and frustrated but try to ignore
The mess and put consequences and boundaries in as these are hard
To introduce later

Ps I am no perfect mother but my children are now teenagers
And don't sit on my knee give me lives what I would do to be you again X

Boogers · 04/09/2016 19:12

Oh yes, and you are not the only person glad the schools are going back - I've been counting down the sleeps for the last two weeks - and my house is an absolute shit tip with comics, books and toys everywhere. Trust me, you're doing fine! Flowers

Owlytellsmesecrets · 04/09/2016 19:15

My kids are 9,7&5. 7 yo is disabled and has severe autism and 9 yo is being assesed for ASD and adhd. Dd5 fell in playground and bust her lip on Friday needed 3 stitches and I keep having flashbacks.
House is like a shit tip and washing basket sky high!

You are not the only mum who wants her kids to go back to school!!!

Artandco · 04/09/2016 19:17

Why do you have to sort everything out on a Sunday? If your Dh has changed days off to a Thursday he should be doing half of it then. He could wash and sort fri-weds clothing, make pack lunch sandwiches on mass and freeze.

Msqueen33 · 04/09/2016 19:18

I've got three. 7,6 and 3. Younger two have autism. The holidays are bloody hard and full on with kids. Thankfully we went away for one week with dh and two weeks with a family member. My youngest is non verbal so all we have are noises and screams it drives me flipping crackers. My 7 yr old has the attitude of a teenager and is frequently rude (a lot of the time is very sweet but more often rude tho I cut her slack as her siblings have disabilities). But it's exhausting. Mine feel like feral animals a lot of the time.

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