I've had enough of my kids...

[LostTiredSad]

I'm so tired I feel like crying. I try to think if it's just our family that is like this but I'll list out things they've done today and how I'm now at breaking point:

Dd1 (8) spilt Cheerios all over the kitchen floor and left it there for me to clear up. Didn't think that she should brush it up.

Ds (4) constantly hitting his little sister (2) and then running away or taking her things and holding them up high whilst she screams. Or crying for no apparent reason.

Dd2 threw a small toy into the toilet.

In between all of this, they are constantly doing things to make a mess in the house. I can't follow them around the house all the time, but the minute I'm doing something, there'll be paper all over the floor or today, ear buds all out of the pot and everywhere. They scream and make horrible animal type noises all the time. The moment I take them out ds will find something to cry or moan about. We haven't been to the park in 4 weeks because last time dd2 took out my cards from my purse and threw them under a tree which I had to go back and find. The time before that ds had a cry and moan because he had sand in his fucking shoes. He will ALWAYS find something to cry about.

I feel like we're a bunch of animals fresh out of the jungle. It's been like this all summer. I constantly shout. I don't want to talk to them. I don't want to be nice to them. I'm always angry, and even they know this. I remember when I used to talk to them nicely but they have never listened to me. I feel like a dog barking all the time. I need to change.

OP Ive been there. Just think in a few days the older one will be at school and the four year old will be too or at nursery. Yay!

Now I don't actually think I have any advice but can say, it will get better. Not too long from now the youngest will be at nursery and you will have a few precious hours to yourself.

You are not a failure. Many, many parents find it incredibly hard. Many are in denial and will swear blind that they are happy as Larry and their children are angels but bugger them. Have you got any honest and equally laden friends? That's a life saver. Someone to gave a good moan to. Otherwise there's folks on MN.
I kept a ranting journal when mine were little and it helped to release all of the anger and frustration. You are not alone.

Ok.

Farm everything you can afford to out. Ironing, school lunches, cleaning etc.

Reward charts for good behaviour.
Firm bad behaviour punishments - eg no pocket money/naughty step/no pudding on Sunday. Follow it through.

Take some time to yourself. Get a baby sitter etc. Life is not all about children.

You'll be fine.

Just wanted to add my 4yr old DD is exactly the same as your son. Hits her sister (also 2 ), snatches toys, refuses to tidy and constant dramatic crying. This isn't you they're just bloody annoying at that age.

Pretty standard behaviour I think, it's just what kids do.

I have 3 DC also and it's relentless, once of mine has autism also and the screaming and shouting is non stop (them, not me!). I just accept that's how it is for the time being, consistency is key though. I'm very firm but fair and don't give in to a tantrum.

I agree about trying reward charts etc, most DC respond better to being rewarded than being punished.

You are definitely not the only parent pleased to see their dcs back at school you know. I've only got one DD, not through choice but because I'm chronically ill and struggled to look after her so couldn't have any more. But she's a child, designed to have siblings so she's exhausting in herself and expects to be constantly entertained, which I cannot do. I've been through a really rough 5 months, dreaded the holidays and couldn't wait for her to go back. I wish I didn't feel this way and I wouldn't if I were well. You may have your health but 3 young children is exhausting. Sticker charts worked really well with DD when she was younger (she's 8 now). I tell her what I expect and if she's unkind or nasty, privileges are withdrawn - I give one warning. If your dcs aren't used to this, you may need to give 2 warnings and take it away on the third. This warning system also works for sticker charts. Which say 5 things do you most want your dcs to do? Perhaps try sticker chart for your eldest two and distraction probably for the 2 yr old. It works best when dh and I talk about what we do in our family. Eg "be kind to my brother and sister" as one point.

It's the end of the holidays so I completely get how you feel...I can't wait for mine to go back to school...I just need a little peace and quiet

But I find it's far easier to get them out than it is to have them home all day. The initial effort of herding them out the house is worth it. Mine are much better behaved after a good run round the park!

Some days are so hard - particularly if you don't get a break.

If your OH is off in a Thursday then try and use a bad situation to your advantage. Take a couple (or more) hours on your own. If funds allow have a pedicure, swim or massage. Or failing that park yourself in a Costa with a good book, walk in the woods or go for a bike-ride. Getting time to yourself is so important to recharge your batteries. You may feel guilty and that you should be spending the "free-time" taking the little ones out but it may help you cope better with the rest of the week.

In terms of the mess..we leave most of it til the kids are in bed, one of us cooks whilst the other deals with the devastation. The Dyson cordless has been the best investment we've made in a LONG time. Quicker than getting out a dustpan and brush.

Don't beat yourself up. Maybe get the older 2 to choose and supervise activities for the younger 2 (playdoh, painting?).

It's a tough gig being and Mum and sounds like you've had fun over the summer too ..I am sure those are the memories that will stick with them

x

I only have two and I'm demented DH has been at home aswell...

It's the holidays there too long. Seen loads of fb posts of people saying they are upset the kids go back too school. Whatever drugs they are taking I want some. I'm putting the flags out tomorrow when DD2 go's back too preschool.

or

Dh has changed his days because I work on Thursdays but in the evening/night. He's done it because he thinks it'll be help for me during the day so I can take a nap before I go for the shift. In theory it will help, and he does all the cooking and shopping when he's home but the weekends I really struggle with because I'm alone with the kids. It's ridiculous but I dread being alone with them. He can't make lunches. He can cook and clean, but lunches is my job.

I feel so much better reading others comments. Thanks. But I'm not doing a fab job am I because I shout at them.

They're not bad children. They've all gone to sleep ready for the big school day tomorrow. All their clothes and bags are hanging in their room.

Tomorrow I'll remain calm and happy in the morning. I don't want ds to remember his first day at school with me shouting.

This is just what kids do unfortunately and it all sounds normal. My next door neighbours kids make those horrible animal noises all day and it drives me to want to scream so I can't imagine how much worse it is for her.

It's the holidays there too long. Seen loads of fb posts of people saying they are upset the kids go back too school. Whatever drugs they are taking I want some.

Me too...!!

I'll find reward charts online. I think ds would like that, as he's most vocal about me being a naughty mummy.

We got fed up with DD8 leaving cut up bits of paper everywhere so we banned her from using scissors and sellotape for a week. It's her favourite thing to do, she was devasted and cried twice but it's worked. Just an example of following through with a consequence. Which I am normally totally rubbish at!!!

Well done OP for reaching out.

In addition to much of the above (farming out what work you can, not expecting children to behave like adults (ie prioritise tidiness over exploring the world), but setting age-appropriate expectations), I would also recommend making games out of as much as possible.

This needs you to take a deep breath and tap into hidden reservoirs of creativity sometimes, but I promise you it works far better than shouting. Diffuse situations with humour, make a race for tidying up, do it together as a family and make funny noises or movements every time something is deposited back in its place... Some of what you are getting upset over is really kids being kids, small ones can't help being clumsy and they need to explore the world to grow (hence dropping earbuds... you could have for instance played with sticking the earbuds behind your lobes, and your LO's ones, then "building a hedgehog" or a log pile as you put them back in the container together...)

I know it's easier said than done and it's not like we are all Mary Poppins over here, but it's really a good tool in your repertoire to develop. Side bonus, you'd get to enjoy your kids more as well.

Look up the Ahaparenting website, lots of good ideas there that work and that could also help you see things from your kids' perspectives.

Good luck!

You aren't a crap mum for shouting. We all do that!!

We got fed up with DD8 leaving cut up bits of paper everywhere so we banned her from using scissors and sellotape for a week. It's her favourite thing to do

My dd is exactly the same!!

My next door neighbours kids make those horrible animal noises all day and it drives me to want to scream

Oh god. Our neighbours must hate us. They have a little baby so we must act like some kind of contraception for them deterring them from having any more.

Please don't get upset op honestly we have all been there. It's bloody relentless.

You sound like you are actually trying too hard and doing too much.

Would it be st all possible to get a cleaner? Why are you doing all the sorting etc? That's not fair.

And hugs and and helps xx

could have for instance played with sticking the earbuds behind your lobes, and your LO's ones, then "building a hedgehog" or a log pile as you put them back in the container together...)

sound lovely...except ds burst his eardrum by pretending to be an alien when he was 2, so earbuds are kept hidden now. They'd rummaged through one of my drawers to take them out which is why I got angry.

Ps I'm pleased mine are back ! Actually I'm ecstatic X

OP you are not alone - I could have written the exact same thing. I keep telling myself we are out of routine and holidays are making us crazy!

Then I think he should sit down and talk to you and then probably switch his day back.

I'm with you OP! I have 4 DC (7, 5, 3 and 1) and there's days I'm tearing my hair out. The constant cleaning up after them was a real bug bear for me so I've been trying to put my foot down with the older two about that.

I use a combination of rewards and punishments, and I am absolutely obstinate with them - e.g. if my 5 year old has left her banana skin lying on the table I ask her to put it in the bin. If she refuses I tell her a consequence (e.g. no 'treat' for her snack later). If she continues to refuse I just calmly remind her she has a choice, to put it in the bin or to lose out on her treat, until she either complies or loses her treat. But the key thing is that once I've picked my battle I do NOT back down, so she knows I'm serious, and generally (not always) she chooses to do as she is asked.

If she does something good (especially without me having to ask/remind/nag) I give her a sticker on her reward chart.

They r far from perfect, but definitely a lot better than they were. Be careful to choose your battles wisely though, just one or two key things at a time.

I know, and I'm sorry, but I know this is of no help! The only problems I had between my two were that my son, the eldest, resented and was jealous of his little sister. Apart from the arguing, well, him arguing with me mostly, I have to say I think mine were well behaved. I have no idea if this is to do with nature as opposed to nurture. However, my was house was very childproof. They had access to their toys but anything that was deemed as needing observation was out of reach. I also found their behaviour worsened as the holidays went on. I was so glad to get them back to school.

When my son started school I sat him down and I said to him that if he was a naughty boy I would come and sit next to him in class! :) That worked wonders lol :) Awww OP... they grow up so fast. You get used to them at a certain age and all of a sudden the game changes, they're older, their challenging in a different way. You have to try to be one step ahead of them! Chill.. they won't be this age for very long, in fact, for not long enough. I'd give my right arm to back and be with my babies. Now they're grown up and have their lives, as it should be. :) But I still miss my babies.