To be a bit annoyed?

[MushuDragon]

A friend asked me to look after their DC while both of them had to work.

Now this is from 7:30am-5pm and 40ish miles drive each way. So myself and DC woke at 6 (we are usually up at 5:30 anyway) to get ready and to give us time to get there.

So we set off at 5:55am and arrived only home at 6:30pm.

I asked before this if they would assist with petrol money, which I think is fair enough. They said they would give me £40 as they'd pay more than that for a child minder for those hours on a Saturday.

During my time there, I cared for their 11month old like he was my own, cleaned the kitchen head to foot as it was filthy, the lounge and the bathroom.

This was 2 weeks ago. I was told before I arrived, that when I arrived they would give me the cash so I wasn't short after paying for fuel to get there.

The guy friend said 2 days ago he'd transfer it over that day. Nothing. He then said last night he was just about to do it. Nothing.

I messaged this morning to see how the DC was (as I regularly do) and I've not heard from them all day which is very unusual.

Also 2 days ago they asked me to watch DC next week whilst they both work. I said yes only on the basis that I could get the cash a few days before I come down. They said yes.

So down to my AIBU.

AIBU to feel like they are taking the piss? Expecting me to go act like a child minder and cleaner and use my own cash (to end up short) whilst they both work and both get paid a full days wage whilst having a free child minder?.

I've been £35 short last week due to this. Which isn't much but on a skint week, it adds up.

Aibu?

You are a bit of a glutton for punishment op, letting them use you and then chasing them, then offering more help. It looks like begging, like you are in the wrong, and they will use that in the future to push your buttons and get what they want.

Yanbu to want your money nor unreasonable to be annoyed.

Yabu to let them use you as a mug and then chase them when they don't. Yabu not to report the living conditions if they are that bad and aren't doing them any favours by trying to help instead. They want to use you as and when they chose, they don't want the actual help that their dc (from what your posts say) need.

They won't use me again.

I've learnt my lesson now.

Good. Remind yourself or that when they, and believe me they will, try to push your buttons to do so.

Well you've not really, as you've had pages advising you and instead you told them to forget about the money for now (and they miraculously reply) and then grovelled asking if you've done anything to upset them.

I'm sure they will have no issue bad mouthing you to mutual friends now that you've shown them what a pushover you are with the last text

I know people like this exist but I'm always shocked when I see threads about this type of behaviour in black and white.

I think as much as you may feel "bad" about doing it, that you do need to call SS and explain exactly what you have seen in that house. It doesn't sound good but they can be the judge of this and you have then done all you can to help the child at the centre of it all. I also wonder if they have just found another mug to look after their child on the Saturday, who they don't intend to pay.

Friends like you OP are gold dust, to have someone kind enough to do all that you have done for others is just so kind, my house wouldn't be messy like that but if someone did what you did to help me out of a bind I'd be transferring the money in advance, making sure you had lovely things to snack on and be giving you a massive bottle of wine and a big box of chocolates and the offer to do the same for you as you left.

They really took the piss, I would tell them that you expect the £40 to be transferred by the end of the week. Not sure what else you can do but put pressure on both via phone/Facebook message etc.

Your far too involved with this family. Yes they have used you and no they won't pay you. If you suspect the child is at risk phone social services tomorrow. Block his number and move on.

The only lesson you should take from this is not to be a doormat. It's their loss. Why on earth did you tell them to forget about the money?!
How old is your DD? Think very carefully about what lessons you're giving her in people pleasing and assertiveness.

OP you are clearly a people-pleaser, especially when those people don't deserve it! Why on earth would you ask if YOU had done something to upset THEM? Do you seriously believe that you did? You spent an entire day from dawn to dusk looking after their kids and cleaning their shit pit and they lack the basic manners to say thank you or pay you a pitiful amount. Even if they ARE struggling for money, there is no mention of this and no attempt to pay you in instalments or any other such thing that a decent person would do.

I am cringing so hard on your behalf. Please don't internalise this "I'm a doormat" message - demand more from yourself and from other people.

He's text me again saying I've not done anything and he's just struggling.

I've messaged back asking for that cash to be transferred this morning. And given bank details.

Let's see what happens. But I doubt it.

Seems they are struggling in more ways than one. yes, good job for asking for the money. If they had said from the beginning they were struggling you may have taken pity but they have handled it the wrong way. Well done for standing up for yourself!

Agree with frogers. Report them.

Accept the money - if they actually give it to you, then walk away. They are not your friends.
I get sick of hearing people are struggling then you find out they've just spent a fortune on X Y and Z

Please report them

I'll report in the morning about the house. Any idea how to go about it? Never done anything like this before.

I also asked him to send it over this morning and he hasn't done. Nor has he responded.

I'm done. No more Mrs nice Mushu. Not going there again to have the piss taken out of me, and have DC and myself extremely uncomfortable whilst doing a so-called friend a favour!

I wouldn't report yet, I'd really try and get the money they owe you.

I've received a message

"Soon as I can. Working on it"

Sent one back saying

"Will it be today?"

The absolute cheek of some people

So he hasn't got the money, they are struggling financially. I don't think you'll see your money OP. Don't offer any more help, if they ask again just say you can't afford the petrol to their home and leave it at that - no apologies, no offering if they pay you (because you know they won't ).

Yes but if they both worked a full day, presumably at double time they can afford it.

Really redshoeblueshoe? You'd out getting your money over a child's welfare?

That said op, I'd wait a few days, since the child is not in immediate danger, so that they cannot accuse you of ringing SS out of revenge and hopefully they won't realise it was you.

Don't care if they think it's out of revenge. When the social turn up, they'll soon know I'm telling the truth about the state of the home

He's done it. He's just paid it into my PayPal account!

Wow! I honestly thought you would have to say good bye to that moneyb

Wonder if they're MNers and have seen the thread, spurring them into action so you don't report them! . That or they're worried you'll say yes about the next time right up until the moment you're supposed to be there, then cancel on them.

Is there a way they can reverse the money, Im sure i read you can do that with paypal. get it out of your account pronto just in case!