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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit annoyed?

142 replies

MushuDragon · 03/09/2016 20:07

A friend asked me to look after their DC while both of them had to work.

Now this is from 7:30am-5pm and 40ish miles drive each way. So myself and DC woke at 6 (we are usually up at 5:30 anyway) to get ready and to give us time to get there.

So we set off at 5:55am and arrived only home at 6:30pm.

I asked before this if they would assist with petrol money, which I think is fair enough. They said they would give me £40 as they'd pay more than that for a child minder for those hours on a Saturday.

During my time there, I cared for their 11month old like he was my own, cleaned the kitchen head to foot as it was filthy, the lounge and the bathroom.

This was 2 weeks ago. I was told before I arrived, that when I arrived they would give me the cash so I wasn't short after paying for fuel to get there.

The guy friend said 2 days ago he'd transfer it over that day. Nothing. He then said last night he was just about to do it. Nothing.

I messaged this morning to see how the DC was (as I regularly do) and I've not heard from them all day which is very unusual.

Also 2 days ago they asked me to watch DC next week whilst they both work. I said yes only on the basis that I could get the cash a few days before I come down. They said yes.

So down to my AIBU.

AIBU to feel like they are taking the piss? Expecting me to go act like a child minder and cleaner and use my own cash (to end up short) whilst they both work and both get paid a full days wage whilst having a free child minder?.

I've been £35 short last week due to this. Which isn't much but on a skint week, it adds up.

Aibu?

OP posts:
jimbob1 · 04/09/2016 07:40

If the living conditions are as you describe then perhaps they need outside help. It is disgraceful to let a child live like that.
I would be messaging "I wouldn't keep asking if I didn't need the money but you have left me short and unable to care for my own children because I was kind enough to help out with yours. I need the money by tonight or will have to say no to helping again."

AyeAmarok · 04/09/2016 07:41

They are using you, what a brass neck.

Well they'll need to either sort out alternative childcare for the 10th or pay you and then ask you to childmind again (at which point, you should obviously say NO!).

Planty18 · 04/09/2016 07:58

Oh no OP, I'm so sorry they've done this after you supported them, you agreed to help if they covered the petrol money and they haven't paid it so I wouldn't consider going back but I do understand why you agreed to help again from your previous post. As you say though, you can't allow yourself to be used, so you are doing the right thing not going back if they've ignored you.

RowenaDahl · 04/09/2016 08:18

They're not friends though, are they?

Get some self respect and dump these pair of losers. They live in a shit hole and can't be bothered to pay a previously agreed sum nor do they have the courtesy to reply to your messages. There's not much to lose here is there?

You won't be getting the £40 so just ignore them now/block their number.

RowenaDahl · 04/09/2016 08:19

Perhaps you should be reporting them to social services as well?

Original poster
MushuDragon · 04/09/2016 08:24

To be honest I have considered social services. I was waiting to go back next weekend to get a clear assessment of everything (if it was still a shit tip and squalor) before I made the call.

I have been taken for a ride.

I know they can afford it, they pay a nursery full time during the week also.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 04/09/2016 08:26

Next time they text asking for babysitting duties, read the text and don't reply. Every time

If the house is that bad then I agree that SS needs to be invoked

Original poster
MushuDragon · 04/09/2016 08:28

Well that's another reason why I'm considering going back without being paid.

I worry for that child. Have done since I went the first time.

OP posts:
Imbroglio · 04/09/2016 08:31

It sounds like they are not coping. Maybe they can't afford the nursery fees either. It sounds like a mess all round.

Soubriquet · 04/09/2016 08:32

Don't go but do report

If nothing else they will get help

Original poster
MushuDragon · 04/09/2016 08:35

I've sent yet another message saying along the lines of if you still want me to look after DC on Saturday I need to know in the next couple of hours. And to forget about the money for now.

I've even suggested in the past that I have the DC at my home for a few days so they can catch up on the housework and such.

OP posts:
hownottofuckup · 04/09/2016 08:37

I remember your last thread, they don't sound like coping, I wonder if their finances are in a state as well as their home.
I'd be concerned.

Frogers · 04/09/2016 08:39

I understand why you want to check on the child but this is more responsibility than you can take on. I honestly think you need to speak with SS. The family clearly need some outside help.

AyeAmarok · 04/09/2016 08:39

And to forget about the money for now

Why?

You are very generous, and it doesn't sound like they deserve it.

Original poster
MushuDragon · 04/09/2016 08:50

I've had a reply.

Simply stating that she's off next Saturday so I don't need to go.

OP posts:
Original poster
MushuDragon · 04/09/2016 08:52

Actually I'm quite upset.

Not sure what to do for the best.

I spoke to my mother about it last week and she said to call the social, that little boy is in a home that's a severe health hazard.

I don't even know how to go about it.

OP posts:
hotdiggedy · 04/09/2016 08:53

Wow. Just wow! And this is where you now send your demanding message for the money and even better, call her and ask why it hasn't been paid yet if you are feeling brave enough.

seven201 · 04/09/2016 08:53

And they've still not paid the £40 owed and didn't mention it in the text? I don't think you should have said to forget about the money. Agh these people are using you!

Original poster
MushuDragon · 04/09/2016 08:55

No mention of it in the text, no.

I sent a message back asking if I've done something to upset them. No reply as yet.

OP posts:
hotdiggedy · 04/09/2016 09:02

I'm getting cross with hem on your behalf Op. Please stop being nice to them and just ask when you will get your money/tell them when you want it by.

Have they ever done anything kind to you?

ConvincingLiar · 04/09/2016 09:07

Did you take photos of the house before you started cleaning?

SleepFreeZone · 04/09/2016 09:08

Fucking hell OP they are no friends of yours in afraid. Chalk it up to experience and ting SS on Monday and just relay your concerns. Then shred.

Original poster
MushuDragon · 04/09/2016 09:09

No they've never done anything for me.

And no, I didn't think to tbh. I was concentrating too much on the kids and cleaning up. I should have.

OP posts:
SheStoodInTheStorm · 04/09/2016 09:14

Sorry you're "friends" have treated you like this. Sounds like they just want a skivvy. If you are in any doubt about the child call SS.

nellypledge16 · 04/09/2016 09:17

Unfortunately in your last message to them you said to forget about the money. I doubt you were gonna get it in the first place but definitely can't see you getting it now.

You need to sever all ties with them, they are taking advantage of you massively. You are obviously a lovely person and they've used that to their advantage.

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