To 'make' DH stay at a job he hates?

[Mistoffelees]

DH has been at his job for a few years now and is utterly fed up of it, the hours are long and the company used to be quite good to work for but not so much anymore. There are no other roles he could go for within the company.

He has therefore started looking at other jobs, the problem is he doesn't really know what he wants to do and has basically no qualifications and very little previous experience apart from the role he is currently in and he doesn't want the same role at a different company. He is currently paid quite well considering he is basically unskilled.

He has mentioned a couple of jobs which would be a massive step down in salary for him; we have just brought our first home and whilst we aren't struggling we were hoping to start overpaying on our mortgage to enable us to reduce the term, at the current rate we won't be finished paying it until we are nearly 70

He knows I'm not keen on him taking a job that would mean less money but at the same time he is truly miserable where he is; would I be unreasonable to put a limit on the amount we can afford him to lose?

I believe in working together with my husband. I think both sides should make a plan and then, if possible, meet somewhere in the middle. Despite what some posters think this is not being his 'mammy'.

I think calling the OP's DH (who hasn't actually done anything wrong) a useless shite is nasty and not exactly helping.

If he registers on the National Careers Service website, does preparation and research and has some ideas before attending his sessions I would have thought that would be a reasonably proactive stance. If he actually puts together a basic CV which can be adapted for what he wants to apply for that would also be helpful. The site gives examples of a variety of formats.

Where does the OP suggest the job is "affecting his mental wellbeing" ? Wha a load of crap. I worked in a job i loathed, i didn't really like the other people, managers didnt like me and tried to make my life as difficult as possible but do you know what, i kept on going every day because of boring things like paying the mortgage, putting food on the table and ohter such thrilling things. I considered going back to thr career i loved that i had done previously, would have meant dropping about £6k a year until i got back on track but i could not take the financial risk. It was lucky i didnt because then the country plunged into recession and all DH's overtime stopped, pay was frozen and we would have been up shit creek had i taken the plunge

Unless the OPS's DH is actually bullied or is so stressed that he cannot function then, as an adult, he should accept that there are responsilbilities - especially when the country is in such an uncertain position. Anyone jacking in a well paid, secure job at the moment to follow an uncertain pipe dream would be a fucking idiot.

truffle we can't know what's going on in the OP's partner's head, but she says he is "truly miserable" in his job. We don't know why, but we know he's being pushed into working very long hours which is often a sign of poor management and a bad working environment.

My DH kept going to work for all the reasons you state, until one day he couldn't, because he was in hospital having had a breakdown :(

Just thought I'd come back to say that DH's work have offered him different shifts so he now has an extra day off a week, he's really happy with that and feels like he can keep going there for a bit longer whilst he has a serious think about what alternative careers might suit him.

I don't think you're unreasonable. What is it about his job that is making him miserable? Is it definitely necessary for him to take a pay cut of 25%, and what is he expecting to change when he does?

Also, those asking whether the OP can up her hours are definitely being unreasonable! If he wants to leave his job because he is unhappy, he is the one who should be trying to work out how the financial shortfall can be met. Perhaps exam marking for the OP, but certainly a second job or income stream from him needs to be foremost on the agenda, unless there is something just deeply unreasonable about his current employment.

Family comes first, I've often done jobs I hated for years to support my son. Losing 5k wouldn't have been an option for me as we had nobody else to rely on.
It was only in my late 40's that I went to university to retrain after 25 years of hating my job.
He needs to have a proper plan and to cost it up. I had to work all the way through my degree to pay the mortgage.