To ask what is the worst attempt at impressing you/chatting you up you've seen or heard?

[Mycatsabastard]

I am 47. I could maybe get away with 45. I was driving back from the shops with DD2 (who is 10) the other day and some yoof in a car with tinted windows (all down) and a big exhaust came alongside me at the lights. He was revving his engine and edging forward. He kept looking at me and winking. He revved his engine some more. He had no top on and looked about 25.

I am not sure if his car was trying to impress my car of it his was a really bad way of trying to get my attention. Nonetheless I found it all highly amusing if bewildering. I have yet to tell my teenager that this is how men will attempt to woo her in the next few years.

Share your horror stories and funnies.

In the early 00s I used to regularly go to a metal club. I was once chatted up by a fellow metal head of a similar age (early 20s), who decided the best way of doing this was via the medium of Sooty and Sweep finger puppets.

Unfortunately for him, I am teetotal, so just found it a bit weird...

Was once being chatted up in Barnsley - he took my hand, kissed it, then said with complete incredulity

"Bloody Hell - you've got hands the size of pit shovels..."

Worked in a hotel when I was 18 and after work would have a drink or five and chat with locals/other staff. Chatted a fair bit to a middle eastern guy prob in his 30s. Bit of a piss head and kind of felt sorry for him.
Next day when I was working and waiting at the bar for some brandy to use for making steak au poive, he was having an afternoon drink.
Says to me, "You know I really like you." I was a bit embarrassed but complimented. Then he says "Do you want to know how much I like you?"
Gently takes my hand and placed it on his bulging crotch.
I should have punched him.
Ran off and got the manager and she chucked him out.

I bought a new phone a few years back. As soon as I turned it on a text came through. 'Hi this is the hot guy who sold you the phone. I hope you don't mind that I took down your number. I need to see you again.' Ermm. Yes I mind very much.

When DD1 was little and I was a young single parent I had her birthday party at a pub with one of those soft play places.

The pub had a mascot, someone dressed as a bear. The bear would not leave me alone. He was supposed to be entertaining the kids but he was mostly following me around, trying to hug me etc.

Finally managed to shake him off, went to the bar. Barman leans over, winks at me and says "I'm the bear".

My friend has a fantastic one that involves a premier league footballer but I'm not sure I can tell it without getting sued.

On Friday - "Yo Babes come talk to your new man"

He was about 19

'You're so tall I could go down on you standing up.'

I always kicked myself for not getting him chucked out the bar that night.

Standing at a bus stop in London:

"You have a beautiful fat ass"
"Excuse me??"
"You have a beautiful fat ass. Your boyfriend must be very happy. Do you have a boyfriend? Want to come home with me?"

Eh, no thanks.

Also
"Fancy a fuck?"
Saw the same guy a week later, where I still declined and asked him if that ever worked. His response was "you'd be surprised".

And the most recent one. Standing at the bar in my favourite club:

"Is this your first time here?"
"No"
(Long pause)
"Do you come here often?"
I just about wet myself laughing.

Bloke came up to me and asked me if I'd help him win a bet, he'd bet his mate a sausage baguette that he could pull me...

We are married with 3 children now

I was once told if I were taller and a bit prettier I could be a model

Then he added you are still very pretty would you like to go out with me

And yes I did say no. He was no doubt one of those guys who would have to tell you about their ex model girlfriends

Older man in corner store:

"Know how old I am? I'm standing here thinking you're so beautiful, and I figure if you're not available, your grandmother might be."

Guy at a party:

"You look like my bitch ex-girlfriend. Wanna fuck?"

While backpacking:

"You're Canadian? We used to own you. Do you like to be dominated?"

Ex-boyfriend:

"Sorry your dog died. You must feel really vulnerable right now, so..."

Worst.

I used to catch a bus opposite my flat every morning to work.
One evening I returned home and found a note pushed through my door. The man in the note explained that he had seen me at the bus stop and would I like to go out with him? He went on to say he had just been released from prison for violent assault and was on tag. He signed the note 'Damage', I assume that was his nickname.

It was very chilling.

Womanfrom, his name isnt Dave is it? Cos that sounds like a carbon copy of my conversation with a Dave...

That is frightening ILost

Yes, luckily I never heard from him again although I was a bit paranoid getting off the bus in the evening! Thinking back I should have told someone but I was young and naive and just laughed about it with my friends.

Him: I was in the SAS

Finally got to use the line I heard years ago - 'That's no good, you're trained to go in and out without anyone noticing'

I had a guy who fixed my cable leave me a really disgusting note with his telephone number (he had called round before just popped by to say hello should have reported him to the company then)

I reported him to the police they took it seriously and gave him a warning. He seemed to really believe that would I would be interested wtf is wrong with some of these men

My friend had a guy come up to her in a bar telling her he would love to put the bottle he was holding up her

Well done for reporting your creepy cable guy. I wonder how many notes he had left in other houses? I can't think he had much success with that. Some men do seem a little deluded about what a woman would find attractive.

Haven't had many, but the worst (after looking me over) 'You've got a lovely face on you' - as if the rest of me was not lovely.

I don't know what's wrong with 'Can I buy you a drink'!

I've told this before: working in a cafe in France and a customer, extraordinarily good looking, told me 'I want to whip you'. Not sure if it was a chat up line or I'd annoyed him! He was from a Francophone culture where the men are the dominant sex. Bizarre.

Another guy fell in lust with my hair (ringlets, unusual colour) and wanted to simply stroke it. Think he'd have done more to it given a chance, he was obsessed, stuck his face in it!

In a bar with a group of friends and one of them brings along a friend. I come back from the toilet and see this guy licking all around the rim of my glass. I stand and watch, he realises I'm back and calmly puts the glass down. I look pointedly at the guy who knows him "I'll get you a new drink shall I?" Yes!

About 10 mins later... Something is pulling at my hair. I spin round and creepy guy is trying to stoke my hair. I as what the fuck he is doing "you've got really nice hair!" He says in quite a hurt voice.

At this point others stepped in and told friend to take the creep home.

To this day I'm not sure if it was a chat up line or an insult.... 'God I bet you were fucking stunning when you were younger'

The funniest: I was ordering drinks at the bar after work. Much younger city dude sidled up and started chatting. (I was wearing a wrap dress which showed a lot of ample cleavage.) He said I looked amazing, glamorous, and did we always dress like that at my workplace? I said "well no, not really, it's just that I have wear whatever will fit seeing as I'm eight months pregnant". You've never seen anyone retreat so fast. He almost left a trail of dust!

"You have blowjob lips"