To ask what is the worst attempt at impressing you/chatting you up you've seen or heard?

[Mycatsabastard]

I am 47. I could maybe get away with 45. I was driving back from the shops with DD2 (who is 10) the other day and some yoof in a car with tinted windows (all down) and a big exhaust came alongside me at the lights. He was revving his engine and edging forward. He kept looking at me and winking. He revved his engine some more. He had no top on and looked about 25.

I am not sure if his car was trying to impress my car of it his was a really bad way of trying to get my attention. Nonetheless I found it all highly amusing if bewildering. I have yet to tell my teenager that this is how men will attempt to woo her in the next few years.

Share your horror stories and funnies.

You ladies meet creative and original men. 50 years ago, when I was "in the dating world", the way to meet girls was at a dance.

I just used to smile and incline my head towards the dance floor - it was usually too noisy for words, anyway.

Being greeted: "hey bitch"

"I really want a shag, and you're probably the only person here I'm not related to and has tits"

That is beautiful!

A man working in the cornershop - I say man, he was about 18, a decade younger than me at the time - tried to woo me with the immortal lines:

"do you like chicken?"
"Uh, yeah, I guess."
"Well suck my cock, it's fowl."

That chicken line is from Sid the Sexist. Another of his lines is "Do you like jewelry? Suck me cock - it's a gem!"

"Do you know where the toilet is?"

It took him five goes just to speak to me and that's what he manages.

Bless.

Funniest was actually when I was a young teenager. Lad came up on his BMX as I sat outside, trying to do tricks and promptly fell off! He never even said a word to me before he scuttled off, wheeling his bike... bless.

In the pub on a hen night, large group of lads on the next table, trying to engage in banter, one of the particulary confident (gobby) lads, seemed to take a bit of a liking to me, shouted across, I'll show you my cock for only a pound an inch, I flipped a 50p coin to him, and shouted back, you can keep the change, he went bright red, and drank up

'I'm getting married tomorrow, fancy being my last shag?'

that sums up the state of my marriage - now a shag free zone.

In a swimming pool, me aged about 15, him and his mates 16/17/18
Both in big groups, lots of flirting and banter
He asks me where I go to school, I reciprocate. He's left school, got a brilliant job
He's a gynaecologist
Could he check me out and make sure I'm healthy
I spent the next 15 mins totally baffled and asking how he'd already done uni and medical training when he's so young

Approximately 5 years later, my friend who was also there brings it up and asks if I ' got it yet'

I finally did at that moment. DOH

One guy actually said "do you come here often", as a joke. I went out with him for a bit.

A gay friend of mine used to (jokingly) use that as a chat up line, whilst pointing at his mouth and putting heavy emphasis on the word come.

@amamabear

I would love to know who that was!!!

Chilli Peppers - clearly not as cool as the press made them out to be

I've another, though not so much a chat up, more a sex pest, though I he probably thought otherwise - he also went on to become well known, though notorious, rather than famous...

Walking home after a really crappy day at work & thankfully not in the best of moods. I had a long tree lined avenue/park that led into the road where I lived & I always liked to walk that way home as it was lovely after a heavy day at work in London.

This day though, just as I passed a large, wide trunked tree,
I heard
"phwar, I've got 10" for you darlin' - I swung round to see short grubby bloke standing there, pants down round his thighs, waving his dick at me

I thankfully was in a really bad mood, so was more angry than shook up & I found myself angrily snarling back - "try adding it to yout height you f"""ing dwarf" - which he obviously didn't expect, as he screamed & tried to run away - pants still round his legs so he went flying arse over tit & ended up face down in a muddy puddle

He was arrested & done for murder 6 months later, though released after an appeal a few years later. I always said he did't do it, mainly because of his reaction to my confronting his flashing. He was definitely a sex pest though & was well known in the area, turned out after his arrest, he had a large stash of photos of local women

Meeting a date (who turned up in a sports car) at the pub before going out for dinner. His first line was "I've left my wallet in the car" I said to him that's it's ok and I will buy his drink, he ordered a double vodka and redbull costing nearly a fiver. He then said "instead of going out for food we could go back to mine, I've got a curry in the fridge and it will be off by tomorrow so we might as well eat that tonight"....

Out in a club with a friend, chatting to a group of footballers (seems like another lifetime away, but was "only" 20 years ago).

One particular (older, mulletted and married) specimen approaches singing (to the theme of New York, New York) "start spreading your legs, I'm coming tonight". I did actually have a comeback "fuck off to x" as he had just been unwillingly lent out to some small club (in town x). Not exactly Noel Cowardesque, but he seemed pissed off.

Last year our house was on the market and someone had a 3rd viewing and was waiting on news certain they would make a offer. Get a call to come down to estate agents so walked down and it wasn't the news I was expecting they didn't want to buy.
Opposite is a church with a hall at the back they use for events I went and sat on the wall to process the news to have a ciggie and text my H.

Some guy starts shouting out of a house window hello, excuse me I looked up and realized he was talking to me.

He said your to early the hall doesn't open for another half hour did I want to come in for coffee. I said no thanks I'm just sitting here and not waiting to go in and went back to my text.

He then shouts out beer, come in for a beer. "No thank you"

He then says would you like to just come in and sit naked with me and we can just talk. I walked off at that point and gave that street a wide birth in the future.

Used to live near a rehab centre and used to get propositioned quite often on the walk to school with DC along with other school mums as we walked past the pharmacy.

I was in my early 20s and a size 12. A guy was trying to chat me up. He pointed to another woman and said 'I don't want a skinny girl like her. I want a bigger girl like you. ' Er, thanks?

Around the same age, a guy told me I was his 'perfect woman' as I was so short. I was dating a friend of his at the time. When I told him I was not interested, he punched a wall in frustration. Delightful.

Most of these are fucking horrible. I'd prefer something like the cheesy 'did you fall from heaven' ones rather than for example, the drunk guy who chatted me up asking me to shag him before I went home, only narrowly stopping from being really abusive when I said no.

My friend's worst one was when this bloke told her 'I have so much admiration for you - even though you're a size 14 you obviously take care of how you look'. Don't know where he thought that was going to take him!

Someone once asked if my parents wer thieves because they stole the stars and put them in my eyes. I was very drunk and very impressed, fortunately my friend was less drunk and steered me away.

Went to introduce myself to the (fit) young man who had moved into the sheltered accom. flat above mine... invited him down for a brew as he'd not yet discovered his kettle..

Half an hour later..

"Would you like to see my nob?"

Er...... well I said yes becuase it felt rude not to really.. was like a BABYS ARM...

Then he put it away again, finished his brew and invited me upstairs - I declined, he was 17 and I was 25.

When I was 17 I worked in a bar as a glass collector, this one guy took a shine to be shall we say but his friend used to approach me each week
"can my friend have your number" my reply " how old is he 10?!?!"
This went on for around 6 weeks till he finally spoke to me.
Now 10 years on and two beautiful children later we are very happy and planning a wedding

My husband has a friend who's chat up line is "fancy a shag?"
He goes from girl to girl in a club asking until someone says yes, he's not picky.
Someone always says yes though so it works and I imagine a lot of these terrible chat ups do too.
Mind boggles.

Early 90s (the decade not my age), I watched a guy in dungarees make his way across the dance floor towards me. He stopped and shouted in my ear 'Do you want to go for a kebab?'.

Some of these are absolutely awful!!

tempersflaring

My brother has a mate like that.

It always works. Every time. At either 10pm or 2am, it works.

Ordering a drink in the pub at about 2am (shuts at 3) and this guy (total stranger) turns to me and says "so you're staying at my house tonight then aye?"

And that ladies and gentleman... Actually worked We were seeing each other for months and still friends now. Something about his cocky confidence (and big willy) meant he pulled it off

On the other side of things when I was about 22/23 a fella in his late 40's walks straight up to me and picks me up (I'm 5'3' and petite) to swing me round and cuddle me. I've never even seen him before in my life. I was wearing a mini skirt and he flashed me to all and sundry.

Used to work in the pub next door so knew a lot of the bouncers and heard this conversation behind me "should we go help her?"..... "nah she's got it, watch" as I punch the dickhead square in the face The bloke spent all night apologising and offering me drinks while I spewed profanities.