Be annoyed at my children's step mum for her lack of acknowledgement of them?

[bumblingapril]

My exhusband has been married to his new wife for 8 years. They have 2 little girls and they all get on very well with my 13 and 11 year old. She appears to be a great step mum generally I just get very annoyed at his wife as she never offers to take my children anywhere alone, it always has to be with my ex and their kids too. And she never comes to any events for my kids (ie plays or football matches)

She also calls them "my husbands children" and I hear from friends there are hardly ever pictures of my kids on her social media and if there are, their referred to as "dd sister or dd's brother".

Would it be to much for her to refer to them as her step kids or become nor involved in their life as such? We have all accepted her as part of their life in a parental role but it doesn't feel like she feels the same?

[paxillin]

You also say: I do t have any relationship with her. Everything goes through my ex. I would actually say that she actively avoids me. That is entirely normal, surely? We are all curteous, but have no relationship. We text if we must (dh ill and I do pickup), but no other contact whatsoever. Who wants a relationship with their dh's ex or their ex's dw? Not me.

[trafalgargal]

OP you say you have an expectation that she should adore them like a mother .......by the same reasoning if she did and they adored her back in exactly the same way they love you ....would that make you happy .....or would it upset you that your position as their mother was no longer exclusively yours ?

[noalcoholformeplease]

I'm a step mum and a step gran. My youngest step grandchild is 19 and it's only in the last year that I've referred to them as "our" grandchildren rather than dh's. It was at dsd's insistence that I did. I was desperate not to upset dh's ex.

[GoblinLittleOwl]

She sounds as though she is bending over backwards to avoid upsetting you or trying to upstage you. Be grateful.

[giantpurplepeopleeater]

I think YABU.... but only because I think its wrong of you to try and dictate, control or indeed have any expectations of the relationship between your DCs and their stepmum.

The relationship between two people is for them to develop, based on what they both want and how comfortable they feel with one another.

The relationship between your kids and their stepmum may grow in time to be the one you think they should have. Or it may not. But I do think that's for thwm to decide. The best thing you can do is positively supportyour DCs and how comfrotable they feel about it.

And it really isn't for her to have a relationship with you..... unless (again) its what you both want and feel comfortable with! Your point of contact with her family us your ex!