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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family behaviour

58 replies

Toast3 · 29/08/2016 15:24

We stayed in a hotel on Saturday night. On Sunday morning a young family sat right near us, having breakfast. Mum, Dad, a little boy of about 5 and a baby girl (about 10m) in a high hair. They arrived at their table, Mum immediately got involved in setting up the highchair, strapping the baby in etc, she then sat the little boy at the table. During this time, Dad went off to the buffet. He came back with a huge pile of food, for HIMSELF .he then sat down and started eating it. At this point mum goes to the buffet, leaving the kiddies with him. He didn't speak to them or acknowledge them at all. Just sat their scoffing!
Mum then comes back with a little breakfast for her son, some juice for him and some toast for the baby...Dad doesn't move... She butters the toast and gives to the baby. She goes back and forth getting various other hits n bobs for the kids and then when they are sorted she returns to the queue to get her own breakfast... She sits in between both kids and, in between the odd mouthful of her own, she's encouraging the baby and chatting to the little boy. cutting stuff up for them etc... Hubby then finished his, undisturbed breakfast and instead of taking over with the kids so that she can enjoy hers, he goes on his phone!!!!! WTF!
AIBU to have thought this was completely selfish and out of order?!
I can't believe that anyone would be so selfish...I couldn't stop watching them.... (Not in a weird way). Lol
I'm older, my kids have grown up, but that wouldn't have happened when mine were small. It's not the norm is it?!

OP posts:
paxillin · 29/08/2016 15:41

Can't have been my BIL, he would have read a newspaper, too.

DoJo · 29/08/2016 15:49

He might be a SAHP and she's taking over child care duties during the holidays, he might be a monumental arse who expects to be inconvenienced as little as possible by his progeny. You can't really tell from a brief snapshot, but it does sound like you're more bothered by their division of labour than either of them.

ImperialBlether · 29/08/2016 15:52

Oh come on, DoJo, does he really sound like a SAHP?

Original poster
Toast3 · 29/08/2016 15:53

Yeah, DoJo, it did bother me... Lovely little family with just one person doing all the work...doesn't make sense to me..but, I guess, it's their business and not mine 😬

OP posts:
kurlique · 29/08/2016 15:55

Dinosaurs walk amongst us 🐾

Stella08 · 29/08/2016 15:55

You could have been describing my family when we were in Mexico last year. I put up with it because I knew I was leaving the selfish, boring, lousy bastard upon our return Grin.
We were on holiday for 14 nights with 27 members of my family for a wedding. No one was surprised when me and the kids moved out!!

MidnightRunner87 · 29/08/2016 15:56

On the face of it yanbu to assume he is a lazy arse who doesn't deserve his dw but from the other side of this...my dh is a gm in a hotel, myself and the 2dc sometimes go and stay over if he's worked a lot of stayovers/it's holidays or if there is something going on in the area. In a morning our table would look like the above (minus the not chatting to the kids as he would do that) because he is working and whilst he's working I'm on duty with the kids (I'm a sahm). In fact even when he isn't physically in the hotel it's not unusual for us to go on a day out/for a meal/be at out families or friends and he is walking around talking on the phone whilst I'm seeing to the kids etc-on the face of it he seems disinterested in us and you'd wonder why the hell he bothered coming but the reality is its work and the trade off for him to earn enough for me to stay at home.

TurnipCake · 29/08/2016 15:57

If he's a SAHP I'll bake a cake-shaped hat and eat it Grin

Original poster
Toast3 · 29/08/2016 15:58

That made me lol Stella - I hope it worked out well for you 👍😀

OP posts:
Stella08 · 29/08/2016 16:01

It has Toast. We all speak to each other in the house now rather than being grunted at or just ignored. We're so much happier Smile

Original poster
Toast3 · 29/08/2016 16:01

Yep midnight you might be right and, I agree, I am making a few assumptions... But It was the way he didn't even engage with them though (too busy stuffing his face). He did actually get up once to get himself more food...he didn't ask if anyone else wanted anything though

OP posts:
Original poster
Toast3 · 29/08/2016 16:02

Lol turnip
Great news Stella! No one should put up with that sort of behaviour ..life is too short... 👍

OP posts:
Flossiesmummy · 29/08/2016 16:03

Welcome to about 50% of men. I see this ALL THE TIME and it pees me right off.

Original poster
Toast3 · 29/08/2016 16:03

Kurlique - are you referring to me or him lol (I'm not that old) 😂

OP posts:
ilovewelshrarebit123 · 29/08/2016 16:06

Sounds like my brother! We all went on a cruise, he did this for all three meals for 12 days.

He didn't do anything the whole time Angry

neonrainbow · 29/08/2016 16:07

Any woman who puts up with that is an idiot.

Cherrysoup · 29/08/2016 16:09

Stayed with two different sets of parents and their children last week and both parents did as much as the other. It was nice to see, but both sets are lovely people anyway.

bertiesgal · 29/08/2016 16:09

Or they have been to the funeral of a close friend or relative. He is still in shock and she is giving him the time he needs to take it all in. So many possible reasons for that scene. I am so tired of strangers judging. We have had four children in four years and the amount of comments and stares we get has really made me question human decency. Instead of enjoying your break you spent the morning judging a little family you know nothing about, I just don't get it!

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 29/08/2016 16:15

He might be a SAHP and she's taking over child care duties during the holidays

Funniest thing I've read today Grin

ImperialBlether · 29/08/2016 16:20

Did you read this, then, UnderTheGreenwoodTree?

Or they have been to the funeral of a close friend or relative. He is still in shock and she is giving him the time he needs to take it all in.

That is the funniest thing I've read. FFS the number of people who will turn themselves in knots to explain away really bad behaviour.

GarlicMistake · 29/08/2016 16:20

I'm weirdly fascinated. I love observing these little vignettes of people's lives. Did he talk to the woman at all?

ImperialBlether · 29/08/2016 16:20

Or even tie themselves in knots...

phillipp · 29/08/2016 16:21

You have described me and dh. Except the one doing it all could be either of us. When we are away we both take breakfast in turns and let the other eat in peace.

Neither of us particularly good before breakfast so we find it easiest way. Dh never doesn't do it on his day.

Possibly the op is correct on her assumptions possibly not.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/08/2016 16:24

bertiesgal... why would anybody be looking at you because you have four young children with you, let alone judging you? I wouldn't even notice you or them - not unless you let them roll around on the floor and otherwise misbehave.

TurnipCake · 29/08/2016 16:24

I think he was abducted by aliens and in exchange for his survival, he was ordered to report back to the mothership (via telepathy) on the standards of the catering, so they can further their learning of our species

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