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AIBU?

Family behaviour

58 replies

Toast3 · 29/08/2016 15:24

We stayed in a hotel on Saturday night. On Sunday morning a young family sat right near us, having breakfast. Mum, Dad, a little boy of about 5 and a baby girl (about 10m) in a high hair. They arrived at their table, Mum immediately got involved in setting up the highchair, strapping the baby in etc, she then sat the little boy at the table. During this time, Dad went off to the buffet. He came back with a huge pile of food, for HIMSELF .he then sat down and started eating it. At this point mum goes to the buffet, leaving the kiddies with him. He didn't speak to them or acknowledge them at all. Just sat their scoffing!
Mum then comes back with a little breakfast for her son, some juice for him and some toast for the baby...Dad doesn't move... She butters the toast and gives to the baby. She goes back and forth getting various other hits n bobs for the kids and then when they are sorted she returns to the queue to get her own breakfast... She sits in between both kids and, in between the odd mouthful of her own, she's encouraging the baby and chatting to the little boy. cutting stuff up for them etc... Hubby then finished his, undisturbed breakfast and instead of taking over with the kids so that she can enjoy hers, he goes on his phone!!!!! WTF!
AIBU to have thought this was completely selfish and out of order?!
I can't believe that anyone would be so selfish...I couldn't stop watching them.... (Not in a weird way). Lol
I'm older, my kids have grown up, but that wouldn't have happened when mine were small. It's not the norm is it?!

OP posts:

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phillipp · 29/08/2016 16:24

It's not about explaining behaviour away. It's about pointing out that making assumptions on watching a family for half an hour may not give the whole picture.

If someone came hear judging a mother after watching her for a short period, people would be telling the op to keep her beak out and that she can't make judgments on a snapshot.

GarlicMistake · 29/08/2016 16:25

Has nobody considered the DH might have autism?

acasualobserver · 29/08/2016 16:28

If he's a SAHP I'll bake a cake-shaped hat and eat it

A hat-shaped cake, surely?

GarlicMistake · 29/08/2016 16:28

Funny how harshly the "don't judge" posters are judging the OP!

People-watching. It's a normal human pastime. So is "judging", as you yourselves have demonstrated.

TurnipCake · 29/08/2016 16:29

A hat-shaped cake, surely?

That too

DoreenLethal · 29/08/2016 16:30

Has nobody considered the DH might have autism?

Or depression.

bertiesgal · 29/08/2016 16:31

I'm not tying myself in knots imperial. Life isn't black and white. People watching might be entertaining but it's a pain in the arse when it's you and your family being watched and judged. The woman probably knew she was being watched. Someone up thread also said the woman was an idiot. Unsupportive, judgemental, mean shite. I wasn't there so I don't know her story but I'm not arrogant enough to think that an alternative explanation for his behaviour is funny because I'm so sure of the facts, uneless you are actually the woman being discussed imperial?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/08/2016 16:32

Or have shit himself once he got his breakfast so couldn't get up again...

GarlicMistake · 29/08/2016 16:33

Good point, Doreen :)

Or maybe he's a deaf mute, have we thought of that? Hmm?!

GarlicMistake · 29/08/2016 16:33

Lying

CodyKing · 29/08/2016 16:39

Maybe he was a total stranger and the mother dumped the kids next to his table? Then escaped for a 5 min break in the queue?

Maybe he didn't pre book his seat?

JennyOnAPlate · 29/08/2016 16:40

Yanbu.

We're recently back from a week all inclusive in Tenerife, and I saw so much of this. Women queuing to get food and drinks for the children whilst dad tucks into his own, women rocking babies and following toddlers around the pool whilst dad has a nap on his sun lounger, women building sand castles on the beach whilst dad reads his book etc etc. It was giving me the rage and making me wonder why all these women let them get away with it!

rainbowstardrops · 29/08/2016 16:40

To me, it wouldn't matter if he was a sahp, worked to the bone, or whatever other situation/reason/dilemma anyone cares to insert.
If you make a family then surely you should act like a family?!
I've got no problem with one parent eating first while the other sorts the kids and then swap over so the other parent can eat in relative ease too but the situation you painted OP sounds pretty grim for the woman.
I don't understand why people tolerate it though? Honestly.

Toast3 · 29/08/2016 16:41

Lots of different views (and possible explanations). To be honest, I hope there was a 'valid reason' and this wasn't their 'normal' routine...

No, he didn't speak to her either...he just ate and then stated scrolling on his phone...

OP posts:

bertiesgal · 29/08/2016 16:41

To be honest lying I don't bloody know. We do stand out as the youngest are twins. Some people are lovely and smile and some people say "oh you've got your hands full" and one crazy lady started shouting at me in the street (I think she wasn't well) but until I had 4 kids I had no idea how much attention it would attract and how horrible it is when you have greasy hair and are trying to navigate a double buggy, baby carrier and exvit d 6 year old around the supermarket with the world watching.

WankingMonkey · 29/08/2016 16:42

Only 'issue' I can see in this is not feeding the children first. I cannot imagine going to a buffet style place and me of DH letting them sit waiting while one of us starts scoffing a mountain of food. We ALWAYS get the kids sorted first them get out own.

WankingMonkey · 29/08/2016 16:43

them get out own. = then get our own

ollieplimsoles · 29/08/2016 16:46

They could have just have an argument and giving each other silent treatment?

TheLastRoseOfSummer · 29/08/2016 16:46

OP my brother used to do that when his daughter was an infant.

Then, when he had finished eating and his wife still had food on her plate, he would lean over and pick at the food on her plate saying, "you not eating that then?" and when she said that she was she just hadn't yet, he'd say, "well eat up then, we can't be sitting here all day". With no humour, just annoyance.

When we went to visit, his wife would stand in the kitchen cooking (I didn't offer to help because I was with my own young child) and he would call her in from the kitchen to the living room where we would be sitting with all the children so that she could change their daughter's nappy.

We went on holiday with them once. When we got back from the beach, he sat on the driver's seat of his car with the door open and his feet outside and she (no fucking word of a lie) used bottled water to rinse his feet and then pat them dry with a towel.

But she married him, and she knew exactly what she was marrying, he's never been any different.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/08/2016 16:53

bertiesgal, apart from the nutters, whom you need pay no need of, I would probably think that the looks you're getting are just mute sympathy. Twins might draw the looks as people always like to see if they're identical/non-identical. I can't imagine any parent - especially a mum - wouldn't see your hair/frazzledness (if you are) and wish a bit of peace and quiet time for you. It can't be easy with four small children.

If you feel a bit fragile or overwhelmed it CAN feel like people looking are judging you but honestly, I doubt that they are - nutters excepted, please ignore them. :)

TheLastRoseOfSummer · 29/08/2016 16:57

berties I wouldn't be judging either.

user1471452804 · 29/08/2016 16:58

I saw similar in Pizza Express. Father in a suit, after work, mother with 3 children. He sat ate his food, looked at his phone, and read the paper. Said not one word to the mother or children. The children threw food and paper napkins on the floor neither parent bothered to pick up the rubbish they then left still without speaking. I assume the children were her idea!!

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KatieScarlett · 29/08/2016 17:01

Oh you would have loved watching my family on holiday circa 1999.
2 toddlers, 2 adults. One adult on phone with earphone.
I served them all before sitting down to my own breakfast from the buffet. Much staring and head tilting.
They would have stared even more had my blind parents attempted to get their own breakfast.

bertiesgal · 29/08/2016 17:05

Aw thanks Lying, I'm feeling particularly hot and bothered today, hence why this op has upset me more than it should. I'm not normally so serious or argumentative! Most people are decent and I know that. Sometimes it feels worse than usual. Until I had children I didn't realise how lovely people can be and how utterly awful they can be. It is what it is

RuskBaby · 29/08/2016 17:06

It's insane when this happens, on holiday this year a couple with their child, maybe 4 at breakfast in a waiter service restaurant. Wife goes back to the cabin, whilst she is away the orders arrive. Husband cannot tell the staff what is for his wife and what is for his child. The whole time she was gone he did not say one word to the child. Did not help her cut her food. We were amazed that the father had no interaction and didnt even know what his wife and child would be eating. Reading this thread it's a fairly regular occurrence unfortunately.

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