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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

People who refer to themselves as Mummy it daddy

86 replies

fj3568 · 29/08/2016 00:56

Can't beat it. Why do people refer to themselves as mummy or daddy in the third person, smacks of a loss of identity.

OP posts:

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/08/2016 01:02

Themselves or each other?

I call my husband "daddy" insofar as I'll say "what is daddy doing/daddy will be home soon" and "don't kick mummy whilst she's changing your nappy" etc to the toddler.

I don't refer to myself as mummy or him as daddy once the toddler is in bed.

I call him fuckwit babe or his actual given name when we're alone.

LikeDylanInTheMovies · 29/08/2016 01:07

To a child:

Mummy will be home soon
Daddy has gone to the shops

Fine IMO!

But if you mean talking to their partner (with or without the child present) and addressing each other as 'mummy and daddy' is just nauseatingly twee so YANBU.

apatheticfallacy · 29/08/2016 01:12

When speaking to a toddler it's to reinforce what people are called/avoid confusing pronouns. It's beneficial to the child - Google 'parentese' if you want to learn some of the psychology behind it.

If our toddler isn't around then it's usually ironically and in private between DH and I. And the dog, she's embroiled in all this too.

LilQueenie · 29/08/2016 01:18

nothing wrong with it but it is disturbing to see parents of 40 odd somethings calling each other mum/dad.

Dazedandconfusedtoomuchpeppa · 29/08/2016 01:24

How else are babies meant to learn language like "mummy" and "daddy"?

PinkyOfPie · 29/08/2016 01:26

Really? Loss of identity?

We do it because it prevents our 3yo from calling us by our 1st names

midcenturymodern · 29/08/2016 01:35

Because language acquisition is a developmental process. Pronouns are understood later than proper nouns.

GreatFuckability · 29/08/2016 01:45

I've never refered to myself in the third person and my children have managed to work out that I'm Mammy.
Children don't need to be patronised to acquire language.

PinkyOfPie · 29/08/2016 01:52

Great have you never even said something like "Mummy's going to put you to bed tonight?"

Would never have thought that was patronising unless you're saying it to your 17yo

PinkyOfPie · 29/08/2016 01:52

Oops should have been

GreatFuckability · 29/08/2016 01:56

pinky no, not ever. I say 'I am going to put you to bed tonight, daddy will do it tomorrow'. Talking to children in baby talk is patronising and wholly unnecessary, they will acquire language just the same.

PinkyOfPie · 29/08/2016 02:00

Speaking to small children in a way they understand is patronising?...ok then.

From 18 months or so my DD started calling us by our first names as that's what we called each other in front of her. Now we say 'mummy' and 'daddy' for that reason. I honestly can't see the issue with this

GreatFuckability · 29/08/2016 02:07

I didn't say don't talk to them in a way they can understand, I am a SLT, I talk to children at an age/understanding appropriate level, but refering to myself in the third person to a child isn't helping them to understand anything. If anything its confusing- the pronoun 'I' refers to the self, except when mammy is talking about herself. that doesn't make logical sense. They learn your name, the way they learn everyone elses name, by hearing others use it.I refer to their dad as 'daddy', he refers to me as 'mammy' as do most people when talking about us to the children, so they learned that way who we are.
In the same way I won't ever refer to a duck as 'quack quack' or a dog as a 'doggie', I wont refer to myself as 'mammy'.
I'm not saying it's an issue, if you choose to do it, thats fine. I choose not to, which has worked equally well for us.

ImissGrannyW · 29/08/2016 02:08

Great, so you consider it patronising to refer to parents in the 3rd person, but you also say you assign those labels yourself: -
I say 'I am going to put you to bed tonight, daddy will do it tomorrow'.
Doesn't matter whether it's your or your DH/DP, it's the same thing.

It's not patronising, it's talking to children in terms they understand. Also known as educating.

Not to de-rail, but when DH and I got married, we were so excited to BE married we referred to each other as "a Hubs" and "a wife" (or, occasionally, a wifelet). It didn't diminish us as individuals, it celebrated our love, and was just between us. When our DD was born we had various names for her other than the name we'd given her.

All of it was a celebration of love and built out of joy, and private between ourselves. Not patronising or diminishing or twee.

PersianCatLady · 29/08/2016 02:09

We do it because it prevents our 3yo from calling us by our 1st names
I hate hearing kids calling their own parents by their first names.

Although when I sometimes go to football with my Dad I have to call him by his first name to get his attention as shouting out Dad in a crowd of mainly men usually gets everybody except my Dad to turn around and look at me.

GreatFuckability · 29/08/2016 02:13

Great, so you consider it patronising to refer to parents in the 3rd person, but you also say you assign those labels yourself: -
I say 'I am going to put you to bed tonight, daddy will do it tomorrow'.
Doesn't matter whether it's your or your DH/DP, it's the same thing.

I said I wouldn't refer to MYSELF in the third person. Calling my children's father by the name they use for him, isn't talking about him in the third person. Its refering to him by his 'name' to all intents and purposes. I wouldn't call him 'daddy' when speaking directly to him, I would call him Bob. So, no, it isn't the same thing at all.

HappenedForAReisling · 29/08/2016 02:23

I do, but only to the dogs.

To the kids it's I or me.

willoughbywolf · 29/08/2016 02:27

People get wound up about the weirdest things here

I sometimes refer to myself as 'mummy' in the third person when talking to DS. Last time I checked the title was accurate, so I don't feel in any great danger of losing my identity...

Redglitter · 29/08/2016 02:41

I had a relative who called herror husband daddy any time she spoke to him. Even once their family had left home. I was assuming that was the kind of thing the OP meant. Adults calling each other mummy/daddy instead of their names. Kinda like 'There you are mummy' handing her a cup.of coffee..(possibly when children aren't even around) Very different to saying to a child 'Will we make mummy a coffee'

GreatFuckability · 29/08/2016 02:51

exactly redglitter. I talk to my children the same way I would talk to anyone, I wouldn't say to my boss 'Great is going to make coffee, would Bosslady like one?', so I dont feel the need to do it when speaking to my children.

My point was that either way, my children and the children of my friends have figured out who was who, so its not a necessary thing to do in order for children to acquire language. It may be true they learn to SAY proper nouns before pronouns, but it doesn't necessarily follow that they understand them in that order. Many linguists disagree with the need for/use of motherese as a necessary step in child language acquisition. So, then, it comes down a persona choice of how to speak, doesn't it?
I choose not to, as I find it twee and odd to speak that way. If others feel differently, thats entirely their choice, makes no odds to me.

Ham69 · 29/08/2016 08:41

nothing wrong with it but it is disturbing to see parents of 40 odd somethings calling each other mum/dad
What if you're an ancient parent like me and had a child at 5 months off 40?

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 29/08/2016 08:49

Why is it a loss of identity? I am a mum, that's part of my identity.

It really isn't a big deal, if you don't like it, don't do it.

OpenMe · 29/08/2016 08:49

There's a parent at school who when she phones the school office says "hello, it's DD1 & Dd2's mummy". Now that is nauseating.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 29/08/2016 08:49

I do this to my cockatiel and budgies.

Mummy's got to go to work now to buy you TOYS

chiiiiiiirup

PinkyOfPie · 29/08/2016 08:49

refering to myself in the third person to a child isn't helping them to understand anythin

Fuck me parenting is a minefield, I had no idea there were right and wrong ways to refer to yourself and apparently the way I'm doing it will cause misunderstanding with my 3yo

What a load of shit. She understand perfectly who we are, saying 'mummy' instead have 'I' hasn't affected her development in any way

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