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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Taking my boy in the ladies toilet...

1001 replies

40andfucked · 28/08/2016 19:53

So we were in a busy sports pub full of very happy (several drunk) people after a great win. My son needed the loo so I took him to the ladies with me. I was told by a very stroppy barmaid who happened to be in there that she wanted him out.
I said I didn't feel comfortable him going to the men's, she said well he's not coming in here. I said I don't want him in the men's alone. She said 'well go in there with him then'! So u did!
He's 10. Normally I'd send him in the men's, but not in a pub full of drunk strangers. I know some may think I've very over protective, but it really wouldn't have hurt her to just let him go for a quick were!!

OP posts:
ThymeLord · 28/08/2016 22:36

I can't believe you're still trying to justify using an accessible toilet! I was on your side until that, and the weird substance abuse comment Hmm

FreshHorizons · 28/08/2016 22:38

I can't say that it would really bother me- I would just feel sorry for the poor child and think it a shame he can't just stand on his dignity and tell his mother that he will be using the men's toilet.
I think it better to use the ladies than use the disabled toilet - that is really unfair.

Original poster
40andfucked · 28/08/2016 22:39

He's my baby. Will be when he's 40! And no I won't be chaperoning him in the toilets then. It was a busy pub outside a sports stadium. There were only three cubicles In the ladies and no young girls in there. I did what I thought was best. I asked people's opinions as I was second guessing myself. I won't again!

OP posts:
Jonso · 28/08/2016 22:40

You won't use the women's toilets again or you won't second guess yourself?

Jonso · 28/08/2016 22:41

And the whole baby thing ...not sure about that

Ameliablue · 28/08/2016 22:41

I think in most cases 10 should be old enough to go by himself. If you didn't feel comfortable with this due to the drunk strangers then he shouldn't have been there in the first place. The fact that he was outside most of the time was irrelevant. Was there no other males in the group be could have gone with or other public toilets nearby?

Original poster
40andfucked · 28/08/2016 22:41

Second guess!!

OP posts:
Doggity · 28/08/2016 22:42

Oh look another self-proclaimed long standing lurker starting a thread with all the MN bingo words on a Sunday night, a bank holiday at that. Hmm

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 28/08/2016 22:43

I really don't care much for myself, but what about my 12-year-old niece, who had to ask me to pass sanpro under the door to her the other day? Do you really think she'd want a 10-year-old boy in there while that went down?

I think you're over thinking it more than she would to be honest and you're being a bit ridiculous.

Original poster
40andfucked · 28/08/2016 22:44

Clearly I don't go on here often enough to know the trigger words! I usually just read the threads that come up on my emails.

OP posts:
FreshHorizons · 28/08/2016 22:46

I think that it is a thread that would be best read by 10yr old boys to tell them just to say to mother -' I am going to the gents' and pop off quick! She will have to get used to it.

ilovesooty · 28/08/2016 22:46

Being 10 is not a disability. Being spoken about negatively by a barmaid is not a disability. You do not need to use the disabled toilet

Exactly.

RichardBucket · 28/08/2016 22:49

What ghosty said, pub full of pissed up, sweary adults is a bizarre place to take a 10 yo who is incapable of taking himself off for a wee

Exactly.

Dickorydockwhatthe · 28/08/2016 22:50

Ignore it op I've never had a problem in real life taking my boys to toilets with me if I felt they couldn't safely use the men's. And I've never had a problem with others doing the same as I'm in a cubicle and so there is nothing to see.

joell75 · 28/08/2016 22:50

Koaladownunder

Point taken. But it wasn't a twelve year old girl complaining, was it? It was a grown woman.

manicinsomniac · 28/08/2016 22:51

Wit - I find it hard to believe that you regularly see on mn that you can't take your disabled son into the disabled toilets. Mumsnet is absolutely militant about the rights of those with invisible disabilities to use disabled toilets and sit in disabled seats. You have no need to feel like you can't use them at all. Do you have any links? Even if the odd person said it I'd be amazed if they weren't shouted down pretty quickly.

KoalaDownUnder · 28/08/2016 22:52

Meandmy3 What a thoughtful answer. Hmm

Yes, it's utterly 'ridiculous' for girls to want some privacy.

Original poster
40andfucked · 28/08/2016 22:52

Just a quick question to all of you up in arms. As an Ofsted Registered Childminder, obviously not in the same circumstances, but if I took a 10 yr old boy out and sent them to the gents, and God forbid anything happened. What would your take on it be then?

OP posts:
TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 28/08/2016 22:54

YANBU you assessed the situation and thought it was the best place to take him I really don't see what the big deal is- he's with you in and out using a cubicle - much safer than the gents with drunk men around imo - recall that crappy to documentary of the nightclub toilet a few years bk - I don't blame you!

PurpleDaisies · 28/08/2016 22:54

That it would be a terrible, totally unforeseeable event. The norm is for ten year old boys to go to the gents.

Jonso · 28/08/2016 22:55

Same as if it wasn't a registered childminder- or are you supposed to be an oracle?

Original poster
40andfucked · 28/08/2016 22:56

If be suspended pending Enquiry! I have no doubt about that!

OP posts:
Original poster
40andfucked · 28/08/2016 22:56

I'd *

OP posts:
RichardBucket · 28/08/2016 22:56

A registered childminder who takes 10 year olds to pubs with pissed up substance users she thinks are a sexual assault risk? Goodness me.

Jonso · 28/08/2016 22:57

But it's hypothetical

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