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AIBU?

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Original poster

Taking my boy in the ladies toilet...

1001 replies

40andfucked · 28/08/2016 19:53

So we were in a busy sports pub full of very happy (several drunk) people after a great win. My son needed the loo so I took him to the ladies with me. I was told by a very stroppy barmaid who happened to be in there that she wanted him out.
I said I didn't feel comfortable him going to the men's, she said well he's not coming in here. I said I don't want him in the men's alone. She said 'well go in there with him then'! So u did!
He's 10. Normally I'd send him in the men's, but not in a pub full of drunk strangers. I know some may think I've very over protective, but it really wouldn't have hurt her to just let him go for a quick were!!

OP posts:
Babyamazon · 28/08/2016 22:06

If I had girls I'd be just as cautious. Although this thread has given me food for thought.

TotallySpies17 · 28/08/2016 22:07

Vvlgari
So what should I have done in my situation as explained above?

FreshHorizons · 28/08/2016 22:10

I would have thought that a 10yr old boy would have died of embarrassment to be seen in the ladies with his mother! He would be teased terribly if any of his friends saw him.
My sons would have refused point blank.

Jonso · 28/08/2016 22:10

Spies- I would arrange a place to meet just outside both toilets- do you really not let your 10 year olds out of sight at all?

PersianCatLady · 28/08/2016 22:10

I haven't read the whole thread but I do not understand the issue of taking him into the ladies when everyone is in cubicles, I mean why does it matter?

What strikes me as odd is that you took a 10 year old to a place where you felt that the people were too drunk to be trusted.

mummafresh · 28/08/2016 22:11

I have a 8 year old boy, being a single parent I asses the situation. If where we are is quiet and he wishes to use the men's then so be it. Sometime he does want to come to the loo in the ladies it don't bother me. On occasion and school trips with his older brother I used to take them into the men's! Got some funny looks but most men were quite understanding

TotallySpies17 · 28/08/2016 22:11

At night in a service station on the motorway..... no I don't!
Normally I'm actually very laid back about kids and they have lots of freedom but alone with a car full of kids at night I'm unashamedly more cautious

TotallySpies17 · 28/08/2016 22:12

My reply was to Jonso

Jonso · 28/08/2016 22:14

Of course, there are always exceptions. I would probably go with my 14 yr old dd under such cicumstances too. God, I hate service stations, why do they have to be so grim, full of ginsters etc

FreshHorizons · 28/08/2016 22:16

I think it is a MN thing- I use lots of public toilets and never see boys older than 8 yrs in the ladies.
What are you going to do in the near future when he is out without you?

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 28/08/2016 22:19

TotallySpies They're the ones with the problem. Leave them to work themselves up about it.

My oldest is 5 and is the average height of a 7 year old. He's really tall and stocky. He's definitely not a petite little thing like a lot of 5 year olds are. Imagine the looks/comments we will get in 2 or 3 years time when he's even bigger 🙄 He's still got the mind of a 5 year old, and in 3 years time will only have the mind of an 8 year old even if he does end up looking older than 8!

Kewcumber · 28/08/2016 22:19

I've just asked my 10 year old. He would apparently have refused point blank to come into the ladies with me.

joell75 · 28/08/2016 22:21

My 8 year old boy struggles with anxiety and at the moment is obsessing about getting locked in anywhere. So he comes in the ladies. What exactly is the problem? Everyone has complete privacy to do their business, he's only seen at the sinks. If people are that affronted by the sight of pre-pubescent children of the opposite sex in the place they piss (in complete privacy), then the problem is theirs, I'm afraid.

PersianCatLady · 28/08/2016 22:22

ok can I have the radar key to take him to the disabled toilet
OP - Could you just clear something up for me?

Is your son disabled?

manicinsomniac · 28/08/2016 22:24

I think YA probably BU. I couldn't give a toss about a 10 year old boy in the ladies with his mum but my 9 year old daughter would have a fit about a boy hearing her pee or something typically pre adolescent.

But I can see your worries in this particular environment and taking him in the ladies was a much better idea than asking for a radar key you aren't entitled to under any circumstances.

In general I don't think boys over 7 or 8 should be in the ladies but there will always be exceptions. I only have girls but, as a teacher, I have had to take a 10 and a 9 year old boy into the ladies on 2 separate occasions - once in an airport and once in a foreign supermarket - both because they had thrown up all over themselves! I didn't feel comfortable sending them to clean up alone, didn't feel it was appropriate to send another child with them and just wasn't sure what rules their own parents might have in place. So I took what seemed to be the least bad option. Something I imagine mums of boys and dads of girls have to do all the time.

FreshHorizons · 28/08/2016 22:26

I think it is very unfair to take up a disabled cubicle- it is difficult enough managing when you are disabled without finding they are taken up by over anxious mothers.

I think that boys find it more difficult than girls to be assertive.

Original poster
40andfucked · 28/08/2016 22:28

I didn't want to use the disabled toilets, never do normally, it was just an option I would have considered rather than have him spoken about in a negative way from the barmaid in front of him.

OP posts:
ghostspirit · 28/08/2016 22:29

I think it depends on the situation. Women toilets are cubicles so not like they can be seen. My 9 year old comes in woman's toilets if we are out. But if his older brother is with us he go's in men's with him. No one has ever said anything about him coming in women's loos

Astoria797 · 28/08/2016 22:32

YABU. A 10 year old boy is far too old to go to the ladies. You're lucky the barmaid didn't ban you from the pub - they do where I'm from in Buckinghamshire.

KoalaDownUnder · 28/08/2016 22:32

joell75

'...then the problem is theirs' - nice attitude.

I really don't care much for myself, but what about my 12-year-old niece, who had to ask me to pass sanpro under the door to her the other day? Do you really think she'd want a 10-year-old boy in there while that went down?

I get that none of you care about adult women, but girls are entitled to a space where they feel comfortable too.

ghostspirit · 28/08/2016 22:32

Non disabled people are allowed to use disabled toilets. Some also double up as a baby changing . And some are also so mums with pushchairs. Of course disabled have priority but it does not mean others can't use them

ThymeLord · 28/08/2016 22:33

Substance abuse OP? See now I think you're just stirring for shits and giggles. You take the lad to a bar where a sports match is on, fair play, people are drinking (because it's a bar) and yet your issue is that people with "substance abuse" problems might harm your kid? In a bar? Where much beer is being abused? Really?

PurpleDaisies · 28/08/2016 22:33

I didn't want to use the disabled toilets, never do normally, it was just an option I would have considered rather than have him spoken about in a negative way from the barmaid in front of him.

Being 10 is not a disability. Being spoken about negatively by a barmaid is not a disability. You do not need to use the disabled toilet.

Claireabella1 · 28/08/2016 22:35

I can't really say I'd give a shit if I saw a 10 year old boy in the ladies loo. But I don't think my 11 yo DS would be happy if I made him go into the ladies loo with me. your reasons for not wanting him to go to the men's seem to be that there were drunk people around, if that's the case, perhaps he shouldn't be in the venue at all. Or was it that you didn't want him going alone full stop and you couldn't follow him into the men's because you're not a man? I don't think YABU but maybe consider how your DS feels being about chaperoned to the loo and wait outside the men's if you're uncomfortable with him being alone.

Dickorydockwhatthe · 28/08/2016 22:35

I wonder how everyone copes with mixed changing rooms at swimming pools!!! At the end of the day parents have to make that judgement and decide whether the child is comfortable or not. I certainly think that aged 10 and under is acceptable but it depends on the maturity of the child. I know if my 8 year got into any difficulty in the men's toilets he would not be able to handle it. I couldn't give a dam to be honest what other people think having read stories of abuse or rape happening in the toilets my child's safety is priority and it's not a risk I'm willing to take.

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