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AIBU?

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Original poster

Taking my boy in the ladies toilet...

1001 replies

40andfucked · 28/08/2016 19:53

So we were in a busy sports pub full of very happy (several drunk) people after a great win. My son needed the loo so I took him to the ladies with me. I was told by a very stroppy barmaid who happened to be in there that she wanted him out.
I said I didn't feel comfortable him going to the men's, she said well he's not coming in here. I said I don't want him in the men's alone. She said 'well go in there with him then'! So u did!
He's 10. Normally I'd send him in the men's, but not in a pub full of drunk strangers. I know some may think I've very over protective, but it really wouldn't have hurt her to just let him go for a quick were!!

OP posts:
Ninasimoneinthemorning · 29/08/2016 17:15

MN 'risk assessment' makes my teeth itch. It's as though MNers have a tiny risk assessment clip board in there bag and reel through it before agreeing to go ahead or not.

sirzy it's down to how that parent is feeling at that moment, I suppose you just have to go off your instinct. If you feel fine sending your ten year old in public toliets in this situation great - if not that's fine too.

Sirzy · 29/08/2016 17:16

So at what age do you think he should learn how to wee without you holding his hand?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 29/08/2016 17:16

Why couldn't you stand outside the gents to keep an ear out for him?

honkinghaddock · 29/08/2016 17:16

Less than 80 to go.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 29/08/2016 17:17

Coffee you do know from 6 months to 11 years the testosterone levels in boys and girls is identical right?
There is pratically no difference untnil puberty.

I knew El was a girl as soon as she came on screen. I'm surprised others didn't.

So did i, but i'd read the synopsis first which gave it away.

Sirzy · 29/08/2016 17:18

But it's not fine Nina if that makes others feel uncomfortable - and that's the issue here. It's not just about the one parent. For all we know the Barmaid in question had been attacked herself in the past and the sight of a male - albeit a young one - in the female toilet made her Uncomfy. We just don't know.

And surely at 10 they are going out with friends/friends family - would you expect them to be escorted to the toilet then? What about on school trips? There is just no logic to this idea that they need escorting to the toilet!

Original poster
40andfucked · 29/08/2016 17:20

Those that have supported me thank you. I appreciate it.

Those that have said that they think I was being unreasonable and he would have been fine in the men's, absolutely welcome to your opinion and I appreciate your input, that is why I asked.

The others that have accused me of being a goady fuck (charming), over protective (maybe), or anything else, you are also entitled to your opinion. There was however surely no reason for anyone to be rude or start at other posters?

OP posts:
Ninasimoneinthemorning · 29/08/2016 17:20

Being cautious in some situations = being scared your going to be attacked on every corner.

Er no. That's what you think people are thinking but honestly it's not. My eldest (21) is in Ibiza and has been since May. Me being cautious in some situations has not impeded her life at all! Grin

honkinghaddock · 29/08/2016 17:21

Why didn't one of the men in your party go in with him?

Jasonandyawegunorts · 29/08/2016 17:22

Coffee
Breast tissue is identical in boys and girls from birth too...
Muscle development of boys and girls is nearly identical

There is nothing to make girls walk differently to boys...

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 29/08/2016 17:22

So again, why couldn't you stand outside or one of the men take him

riceuten · 29/08/2016 17:23

YABU, as far as I am concerned. People's state of inebriation do not make it more likely a child will be sexually assaulted (which I assume is the OP's fear). It's all a bit Daily Mail for me.

I had the opposite experience a bit back. An 11 year old boy was in the women's changing room of the gym. When someone had the temerity to complain (as he was staring at undressed women), the mum stormed off to the reception and the receptionist came in, slagged the complainers off and said boys were allowed in the women's changing room until 13, and if people didn't like it, they could use the cubicles. Apparently men have the irresistible urge to sexually abuse children under 13 on their own - or maybe the mum is unable to untie the apron strings...

Jasonandyawegunorts · 29/08/2016 17:26

Or men from women.

This is a total different thing, by the time they are adults changes take effect, until then males and females are almost biologically identical and you can't tell them apart by "How they walk".

WankingMonkey · 29/08/2016 17:27

I haven't read the full thread, but from the last few pages it seems you had men with you, or older males at least? In this case the whole spectacle was surely unneeded as one of the men could have gone into the male loos with him. This solves all issues at once, including how embarrassed a 10 year old would likely feel if spotted by one of their friends coming out of the womens loos with his mother holding his hand, surely?

Disabled loo is a nono for me also unless said child is disabled, of which I have seen no indication. I don't even use the disabled loos though entitled too as personally I feel able enough to use the womens instead and I think others are more needing of the larger space than I am. This doesn't mean others (with disabilities) should feel bad about for any reason if they need to, just my personal choice.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 29/08/2016 17:27

-as a teacher i would expect you to know this Coffee
It's simple biology.

Bitofacow · 29/08/2016 17:27

40andfucked sit back and enjoy the ride. I'm not sure I agree with what you did but really why should you care what I think? It's nice you asked. You have provided lots of people with an afternoons entertainment. Thanks.

I very much appreciate it.Smile

I think when people start calling you names it really does reflect more on them you. ohhhh get me sounding like a grown up.

brasty · 29/08/2016 17:28

I always think of 10 year old girls when I read threads like this. As a 10 year old girl I would not have wanted a 10 year old boy in the toilets with me. But girls views are rarely taken into account.

Ninasimoneinthemorning · 29/08/2016 17:30

sirzy I think your going a bit overboard. This is a ten year old with his mother in a busy toilet, I think your reaching a bit much there with it being triggering.

The analogies you are using have no basis here. This is about the choice a mother made in a busy pub with her ten year old, not the other faff your dragging in. It's about this situation.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 29/08/2016 17:31

Today 17:13 RichardBucket

"Men attack women random daily."

And that is why we need female=only spaces.

Female. ONLY.

Right, but what do you think a little boy is going to do exactly?

Sirzy · 29/08/2016 17:31

Your the one dragging in very rare attacks though! Or are only you annologies viable?

The toilets weren't that busy either, by the ops admission the "dangerous" gents were actually empty!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 29/08/2016 17:35

Most men aren't going to harm anyone either. The OP had no need to cause the situation - she could have sent one of the men she was with, she could have stood outside, she could have kept the child outside and away from all the scary people, rather than letting him use the ladies toilet when she hadn't even bought him a drink.

Jaderuby · 29/08/2016 17:38

My 8 year old normally holds it until we are at home but he now goes into the men's on his own. Unless it's a very rare out of house poo then i have to be there to wipe.

Do you go in the mens with him or take him into the ladies?

Ladies for poos while we're out. although if anyone objected i would go into the men's.

MoreCoffeeNow · 29/08/2016 17:43

Coffee you do know from 6 months to 11 years the testosterone levels in boys and girls is identical right? There is pratically no difference untnil puberty.

Practically is the key word. I have never had a problem telling the sexes apart. DCs in your school can get quite huffy about it. Custom and practice, if it's something you need to do all the time it comes easily.

Why are you still persisting if, as you say, you were only joking all along?

Weird.

eyebrowsonfleek · 29/08/2016 17:44

OP Nobody is suggesting that your son is a man at 10 years old. It's just that by age 10, boys and girls don't want to share toilet space with the opposite sex. If an adult woman doesn't speak up then young girls feelings are very unlikely to be heard about this matter.

I understand why you wouldn't want to send your 10 year old to pee amongst adults who may be shouty, fighting or vomiting. My personal choice would have to been to find another loo or make sure I could listen to the men's loos but that's easy for me to say as I haven't got the urgent need to pee right now.

8 is the normal cut-off for NT boys in women's changing rooms and I think that's about right. The same should be for toilets imo unless it's an emergency situation like mother looking after vomiting son etc.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 29/08/2016 17:44

I have never had a problem telling the sexes apart.

That you know of.... opbviously if you have got it wrong with a passing child you wouldn't know.

Why are you still persisting if, as you say, you were only joking all along?
Filling up the thread count.

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