Taking my boy in the ladies toilet...

[40andfucked]

So we were in a busy sports pub full of very happy (several drunk) people after a great win. My son needed the loo so I took him to the ladies with me. I was told by a very stroppy barmaid who happened to be in there that she wanted him out.
I said I didn't feel comfortable him going to the men's, she said well he's not coming in here. I said I don't want him in the men's alone. She said 'well go in there with him then'! So u did!
He's 10. Normally I'd send him in the men's, but not in a pub full of drunk strangers. I know some may think I've very over protective, but it really wouldn't have hurt her to just let him go for a quick were!!

Infact not even walks into the loo...walks past. Yes it is OTT.

As a side note why do people on mumsnet always bring their jobs into it?
'I'm a teacher so I know'
'I'm a social worker'

A toilet attendant might be more qualified in this case.

As a new Mumsnet user can I just make an observation that so many of you are so rude to each other! Is it via its 'tinternet or are you like this in real life?

The OP obviously made a judgement of what she thought was best considering the circumstances - yes it would probably be better he wasn't in a pub full of drunk drug users, yes he would probably have been fine in the men's but all things considered she felt the women's loos were a safer bet. And that's it. There were probably times when my son was a similar age when I took him in the ladies (big services late at night and so on). As women, men, parents, whatever this is what we do - make our best guess as to the most appropriate course of action. I'm guessing the OP wasn't planning on taking a picnic and setting up camp in there so they'd have been in and out in a couple of minutes and no harm would have been done.

I do feel that this thread has become obsessed with safe spaces for women and am genuinely shocked that people can't see that a severely disabled 15 year old should be in the ladies with his carer. In an ideal world he wouldn't be but this obviously isn't the case.

As a female who has been sexually abused and also in my early teens suffered very heavy (often with leaking) periods I would have (either past or present) no issue with either the 10 year old or the disabled teen.

I hope I'm wrong but so many people here seem to be yelling that their agenda is right and everyone else is wrong. You guys need more compassion!!!

Also those of you telling a woman with a very vulnerable young adult to go into the men's loos - do you realise how hypocritical you sound?

We all need to show care and understanding to others surely?

Gosh and I thought joining Mumsnet might be a bit of fun! How wrong I was

Nobody's mentioned special needs.
I understand that there's often only one disabled toilet and it's just as likely as a normal toilet to be blocked or out of use.
I also understand that there's a problem where baby change units are often in the women's toilets only.
Nobody would judge the emergency situations either like a mother looking after a sick 10 year old son.

It is the attitude that their NT 10 year old child is entitled to use the wrong sex toilet whenever the mother decides that is not OK.

It's always like this in aibu ollycat this thread is mild!

Genuine question - all this talk about invading female space - it is a PUBLIC loo - I genuinely don't get why all the angst - I think this is almost making problems where there are none.

Babyamazon (sorry don't know how to do bold) - maybe people need to get out more?

My 8 year old normally holds it until we are at home but he now goes into the men's on his own. Unless it's a very rare out of house poo then i have to be there to wipe.

I'm pretty sure this is fairly normal to be honest.

can I just make an observation that so many of you are so rude to each other!
do feel that this thread has become obsessed with safe spaces for women and am genuinely shocked that people can't see that a severely disabled 15 year old should be in the ladies with his carer. In an ideal world he wouldn't be but this obviously isn't the case.

Welcome to mumsnet. This is mumsnet summed up.

Well I bet alot if dad's here love having the perfect excise not to take their kids out given the wives and girlfriends adamant that their dds won't go into the men's loos.

I bet they are flocking to the pub to watch the football as we speak

WankingMonkey but a random boy isn't going to walk in on her while she's on he loo like her brother is he? Because she will be locked in a cubicle, same as the boy. And I doubt a 10 year old boy is going to go looking over the top at her especially when he's with his mother.

And it seems a few MNetters are at the "ewww boys" stage, never mind an 11 year old girl!

Genuine question - all this talk about invading female space - it is a PUBLIC loo - I genuinely don't get why all the angst - I think this is almost making problems where there are none.

If public loos are designated as intended for men or women, people should respect that. Just because it's provided for public use doesn't mean anyone can do whatever the want.

To get bold you type purple around the words you want to make bold but with no spaces.

Genuine question - all this talk about invading female space - it is a PUBLIC loo - I genuinely don't get why all the angst - I think this is almost making problems where there are none

The invading women's spaces is a much larger issue than this thread displays. Women have the right to have a space in which they take care of personal business without men intruding on it. The same goes for men and their spaces too. Some believe that the constant idea that women should accept everyone into their spaces is another example of how women and their thoughts and feelings dont matter as long a someone else feels comfortable.

It's a public loo that is divided up into male and female areas. I'm not sure what your point is about that?

but a random boy isn't going to walk in on her while she's on he loo like her brother is he?

No, however even people walking past the bathroom while she is in there triggers a huge meltdown right now, which is fucking weird and I don't remember that part of being a pre-teen but meh. I assume its because of her period given she only started 2 months ago.

I don't really understand what the issue is with unisex toilets in general though as everyone is hidden by doors and walls. But I guess its not up to me to tell others how they should think and clearly it is still an issue for many :S

My angst is on behalf of my younger self and for children like my own who need adults to stand up for their right to be uncomfortable.

she only started 2 months ago.

AND before this she was normal about using the bathroom. Missed that bit for some reason

I wonder how people feel about changing rooms, surely these pose the same risk as toilets do? Would people take a 10 year old male into the female changing rooms or..?

My angst is on behalf of my younger self and for children like my own who need adults to stand up for their right to be uncomfortable.

Yeah I feel like girls are being told they need to get over their discomfort because it doesn't suit the mum's invented needs of boys.

oh dear mind please don't start a changing room battle thread.

Our swimming pool has unisex changing rooms doesn't appear to be an issue

Yeah I feel like girls are being told they need to get over their discomfort because it doesn't suit the mum's invented needs of boys.

In a nutshell.

oh dear mind please don't start a changing room battle thread

It's only and issue on Mumsnet Giles.

As someone who needed their mum to help change them growing up i can say nobody cared in real life (sept for me i was embarrassed), but here it's war.

I think the difference with unisex is people use them with the expectation that there will be people of the opposite sex, so they can make an informed decision as to whether to use them or not.

Oh you'd be surprised