Taking my boy in the ladies toilet...

[40andfucked]

So we were in a busy sports pub full of very happy (several drunk) people after a great win. My son needed the loo so I took him to the ladies with me. I was told by a very stroppy barmaid who happened to be in there that she wanted him out.
I said I didn't feel comfortable him going to the men's, she said well he's not coming in here. I said I don't want him in the men's alone. She said 'well go in there with him then'! So u did!
He's 10. Normally I'd send him in the men's, but not in a pub full of drunk strangers. I know some may think I've very over protective, but it really wouldn't have hurt her to just let him go for a quick were!!

What do expect me to say if someone comes up to me challenging me about my son when it's none of their bloody business?

If you are taking a boy over the age of 8 into a female space it is their bloody business. He shouldn't be there.

or the disabled toilet... His mother won't, because she doesn't want to have to go to the toilet in front of him. She wants a cubicle, which mens' toilets have.

People who come across a 10 year old of the opposite sex in a public loo have every right to query it. It most certainly IS their place to ask and to query it. The "mums" who think it is none of their business should kick that attitude into touch snd show some manners. If that is possible.

The actual quote was saying how she put him in one cubical while she went to the toilet in another.

"If you are taking a boy over the age of 8 into a female space it is their bloody business. He shouldn't be there."

Agreed.

not many people have actually seen a 10 year old boy in female toilets then?

I thought it was some outragous epidemic?

Okay, so do that in the mens'. Far less unsettling for a man to walk into the bathroom and see a woman than a woman walk in and see a 15-year-old boy.

But we're so used to women having to concede to men that people can't wrap their heads around that. The default is that the women's space has to be given up.

Cubicle

What about my poor dh and our nervous 9 year old dd. Yes, we are doing lots of confidence building stuff but she needs a wee and is on her own with him on a day trip. Or vice versa.

Again, how can anyone tell how old the child is?

I don't wish to be harassed in the toilet with my 6 year old because someone has decided he looks 9.

The likelihood a boy being assualted in the toilet while his mother stands right outside is ridiculously low. Terrible, terrible risk assessments being done here.

Far less unsettling for a man to walk into the bathroom and see a woman than a woman walk in and see a 15-year-old boy.

i don't think so.

freetrampolineforall If he has to go inside with her, it should be the men's. A male past puberty shouldn't be in the women's toilets unless he's cleaning it, with appropriate signage.

No Richard I don't want to go into the men's as a woman because I don't want to see a penis.

No one is going to see a boys penis in the ladies.

What do you think is going to happen? Well, for posters with no imagination, a drunken man might try to touch up a boy, or even put his hand over his mouth to silence him while raping him. It happens. It's been in the news not long ago

If you are going to think like that then how do you even leave the house. Anyone could be anyone. From the postman to the bus driver to the school caretaker. In fact didn't the guy who killed those two girls work in a school?

But I'll say it again.

A higher percentage of attacks like that are from people the victim knew rather than random men taking a piss in a pub toilet

"And yet it comes from someone saying this has happened to her growing up. and another saying they confront boys in the girls toilets...." (Jasonandyawegunorts)

Anecdotal evidence at best...

Then I suggest you don't go into the mens' and lean over the urinals to have a look at the penises.

That was me Richard and no one is going to feel threatened by someone as obviously disabled as my son is, being in the ladies with his carer. He is entitled to reasonable adjustment by law and if there is no suitable unisex option his need to be with his carer who is using the correct toilet for her sex comes first. An NT female is far more a threat to him than the other way around. How many males like my son (likely to be functioning around 2 year old level) with a carer present have attacked women? And how many males like my son have been abused in some way by an NT female?

Not happy about my dd going into a men's loo - even with dh. They use disabled loo and she turns her back when he goes. Not ideal but better than her bring in a space with men accidentally exposing themselves.

Anecdotal evidence at best...

YES!
the whole thread is Anecdotal evidence, what is your point?

What do you think is going to happen?
Well, for posters with no imagination, a drunken man might try to touch up a boy, or even put his hand over his mouth to silence him while raping him. It happens. It's been in the news not long ago.

The likelihood is small. But to ask 'what could happen?' is plain daft because these things HAVE happened.

Yes, but what is the likelihood of it happening? Infinitesimally small I should have thought. You would literally never step outside your front door (or even move in your own house for fear of falling down the stairs) if that's your attitude.

Love the way some people seem to think making free use of loos for disabled people is ok.

Delicate
Nobody has seen any of this happen in real life?

5 or 6 times now i've asked if peopel have seen a child of 10 in a female toilet in real life... noone has.

Anyone else lowering the tone by sniggering at the idea of people being shocked by seeing weeing penises?

Peni - that would be a way better plural.