Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Taking my boy in the ladies toilet...

1001 replies

40andfucked · 28/08/2016 19:53

So we were in a busy sports pub full of very happy (several drunk) people after a great win. My son needed the loo so I took him to the ladies with me. I was told by a very stroppy barmaid who happened to be in there that she wanted him out.
I said I didn't feel comfortable him going to the men's, she said well he's not coming in here. I said I don't want him in the men's alone. She said 'well go in there with him then'! So u did!
He's 10. Normally I'd send him in the men's, but not in a pub full of drunk strangers. I know some may think I've very over protective, but it really wouldn't have hurt her to just let him go for a quick were!!

OP posts:
Jasonandyawegunorts · 29/08/2016 14:32

I'm still waiting for a good reason why all these paranoid mums with pubescent or teenage boys can't go into the mens' with them rather than taking them into the ladies'.

Becuase that's a stupid thing to do... would you like a grown man taking his girl into the womans?

Surely you can understand why the grown up goes into the toilet suitable for them?

freetrampolineforall · 29/08/2016 14:32

There were loads of pissed people around - perfectly understandable that op would pause for thought.

Babyamazon · 29/08/2016 14:32

Richard I'm not allowed into the mens because I'm an adult woman. Men aren't allowed into the women's because they are adult males.

Children are children so can go in either if accompanied by their parent.

Given that you can't tell the age or gender of a child then unless they are causing a nuisance you mind your own business.

grannytomine · 29/08/2016 14:32

RichardBucket have you ever been in a men's loo? They tend to have urinals with everything out in public. It isn't at all the same as a women's loo where you have cubicles. I have never been in a women's loo where you can actually see people weeing.

Gileswithachainsaw · 29/08/2016 14:33

There are cubical in the men's though..

RichardBucket · 29/08/2016 14:33

Becuase that's a stupid thing to do... would you like a grown man taking his girl into the womans?

As I said, women are more vulnerable in the toilets so if you have to go in the 'wrong' one, make it the mens'.

And no, I can't see why a "grown up" woman in the mens' is worse than a teenager in the ladies', for the same reason.

Babyamazon · 29/08/2016 14:34

Just because women are at risk of attack does not in any way negate the risk to a boy. It's not a competition.

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 29/08/2016 14:35

Jasonandyawegunorts

Don't confront kids in loos please. I used to get so upset being told I was a boy and should be next door with my Dad. Not my fault my hair doesn't want to grow and I liked blue!!!

I think a lot of people who think there are a lot of boys in girls toilets are actually seeing girls, but are too ignorant to realise not all girls have long hair.

Oh don't be silly.

grannytomine · 29/08/2016 14:35

Babyamazon you have to remember that minding your own business is sooooo hard for some people to do. Much easier to get all indignant and Victorian about a boy seeing girls washing their hands after the have used a toilet. It might make them swoon. Of course they could loosen their corsets.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 29/08/2016 14:35

I can't see why a "grown up" woman in the mens' is worse than a teenager in the ladies', for the same reason.

A teenager?

Seriously, you've changed a very rare 10 year old in a female toilet into a teenager?

Babyamazon · 29/08/2016 14:35

Not one single person on this thread has mentioned a teenager Richard

RichardBucket · 29/08/2016 14:36

Yes they have. There's a woman taking her 15-year-old into the ladies' with her.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 29/08/2016 14:36

Oh don't be silly.

About what?
The text you've quoted isn't mine.

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 29/08/2016 14:36

"Jasonandyawegunorts

Don't confront kids in loos please. I used to get so upset being told I was a boy and should be next door with my Dad. Not my fault my hair doesn't want to grow and I liked blue!!!

I think a lot of people who think there are a lot of boys in girls toilets are actually seeing girls, but are too ignorant to realise not all girls have long hair."

Oh don't be silly.

grannytomine · 29/08/2016 14:37

Giles, yes there are cubicles in mens but men having a wee tend to use the urinal. I know this as I grew up in a pub and as a teenager often cleaned the loos. I can assure you they use the urinal and it would be embarrassing for them and the woman if a woman walked in.

eyebrowsonfleek · 29/08/2016 14:38

The boys are not being pathetic. It is the mums who don't let NT children use the appropriate loo who need to let go of the apron strings.

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 29/08/2016 14:38

"I think a lot of people who think there are a lot of boys in girls toilets are actually seeing girls, but are too ignorant to realise not all girls have long hair."

Sorted out the quotation now. The above is silly and a huge generalisation.

Doggity · 29/08/2016 14:40

There's a lot of miniming of girls and how they feel about themselves. Shocking especially given the high rates of sexual abuse and assault in children.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 29/08/2016 14:40

There's a woman taking her 15-year-old into the ladies' with her.

you mean the disabled 15 year old.

Babyamazon · 29/08/2016 14:40

I haven't seen anyone mentioned a 15 year old. Did that 15 year old have additional needs?

The boy in question is 10 and most people have said that they judge the individual circumstances.

RichardBucket · 29/08/2016 14:41

Yes, the 15-year-old with SN. He needs supervision in the toilet, so take him into the mens'.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 29/08/2016 14:41

Sorted out the quotation now. The above is silly and a huge generalisation.

And yet it comes from someone saying this has happened to her growing up. and another saying they confront boys in the girls toilets....

PollyPerky · 29/08/2016 14:42

We're shocked because it's pathetic that a (neuro typical and physical able) child of this age can't go for a quick wee while their mum waits outside the main door. What do you think is going to happen?

Do we know he only wanted a wee?

What do you think is going to happen? Well, for posters with no imagination, a drunken man might try to touch up a boy, or even put his hand over his mouth to silence him while raping him. It happens. It's been in the news not long ago.

The likelihood is small. But to ask 'what could happen?' is plain daft because these things HAVE happened.

The context of the OP's post is that the club was full of men worse for wear. I don't think she was saying she'd take him into the ladies on every occasion.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 29/08/2016 14:42

Yes, the 15-year-old with SN. He needs supervision in the toilet, so take him into the mens'.

or the disabled toilet...

Babyamazon · 29/08/2016 14:42

On the other side one person said that a boy should go alone once they start school so 4-5.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread