Taking my boy in the ladies toilet...

[40andfucked]

So we were in a busy sports pub full of very happy (several drunk) people after a great win. My son needed the loo so I took him to the ladies with me. I was told by a very stroppy barmaid who happened to be in there that she wanted him out.
I said I didn't feel comfortable him going to the men's, she said well he's not coming in here. I said I don't want him in the men's alone. She said 'well go in there with him then'! So u did!
He's 10. Normally I'd send him in the men's, but not in a pub full of drunk strangers. I know some may think I've very over protective, but it really wouldn't have hurt her to just let him go for a quick were!!

RhodaBorrocks

Get a radar key, for the disabled toilets They are brilliant, ASD and PDa will give you every right to use them, as they are disabilities.

It's also very good if your DS still needs help with wiping and things.

*I think some women here are very intolerant.

If I saw a boy around 10 in a women's loo in say John Lewis with his mum I'd wonder why. If I saw one in a busy service station I might wonder why just a little. If I saw one in a service station late at night, I'd understand.

If I saw one in outside loos in the street I'd understand why the mum was being 'cautious' and the same in a club full of drunk men.

It all depends on the circs.*

Polly, what a sensible post. I couldn't agree more.

Up until about a year ago my ds was scared of the hand dryers. He still doesn't like them. It may seem babyish to some. He's not generally a babyish boy, he's quite confident but he's scared of loud noises and would completely freeze and cover his ears.

Sorry baby I usually pick up on sarcasm but I had a bit of a mind block then ha.

But yes. A ten year old boy in a toilet with his mum really is a non event. Even at 13 I would have thought nothing about it, probably much like a lot of other girls. It's the mums/grandmas/aunties etc.. that push that whole mindset on to young girls.

"some people here think they can not only age spot, but also tell the sex of a child from their haircut."

THIS

As someone who has worn her hair in a pixie cut since age 5 (hey it was the 80's) I used to get called a boy all the time, by adults, even when I was standing there in a pink dress. But I was also rather fond of a jeans and blue jumper combo which frequently got me labelled as a boy. I've always been cisgender. I used to dress DS gender neutrally and he got mistaken for a girl until he was around 2 as he looked so angelic.

Don't confront kids in loos please. I used to get so upset being told I was a boy and should be next door with my Dad. Not my fault my hair doesn't want to grow and I liked blue!!!

My 8 year old normally holds it until we are at home but he now goes into the men's on his own. Unless it's a very rare out of house poo then i have to be there to wipe.

I think my daughter must have been alot more robust than some, mind you she had 3 brothers so didn't have the opportunity to be horrified at having a wee with boys nearby. God knows how some of these girls are going to cope in the future.

Ten year old boy in a public loo with drunk men or a ten year old girl in public loo where she can go to the loo in a locked cubicle. I know which one I think is more of a problem.

I wouldn't feel awkward about a boy being in there - but I recognise that plenty of young girls might. But don't let that stop you, it's not like they have any right to complain!

they will witness me telling them that that's their problem and not ours.

What a charming person you are, I hope you rear your DCs to have better manners.

Mindsweeper - me too.
I have a 10 year old son who is self conscious about toilet noises too. He would be embarrassed about 10 year old girls in the men's.

We're shocked because it's pathetic that a (neuro typical and physical able) child of this age can't go for a quick wee while their mum waits outside the main door. What do you think is going to happen? Give a quick shout as they go in if it makes you feel better, so everyone knows you're right there If you're that histrionic, tell them go do a quick wee and bring antibacterial hand gel so they don't even have to spend longer than a couple of minutes in there.

It's embarrassing how many parents baby their kids and say it's protecting them from virtually non-existent risks. I have a son aged 8 and he would be horrified if I tried to do this. Dodgy service stations at night are different kettle of fish. In the vast majority of situations - including this one a

• I'd stand at the door and send him off. He's a big boy now.

Don't confront kids in loos please. I used to get so upset being told I was a boy and should be next door with my Dad. Not my fault my hair doesn't want to grow and I liked blue!!!

I think a lot of people who think there are a lot of boys in girls toilets are actually seeing girls, but are too ignorant to realise not all girls have long hair.

What a charming person you are, I hope you rear your DCs to have better manners.

What do expect me to say if someone comes up to me challenging me about my son when it's none of their bloody business? Manners from people are earned.

Diggity the OP said he normally goes alone, she risked assessed a specific situation. That is what a responsible adult is supposed to do.

I don't understand why mums with disabled boys worry about what people will think if they use the disabled toilets, yet have no qualms about using the ladies instead!
If you have a disabled child, (and autism is a disability), use the disabled toilets.

It's pathetic that boys are called pathetic and need to 'man up' and grow up and be big boys but girls are delicate little flowers that need to be protected from male children from behind locked doors.

I am a mum to one of each, both with invisible disabilities like Rhinda I have been criticised for using disabled toilet. I think the best solution in our current cultural climate is a designated family toilet. Separate from the disabled and single sex facility that can be used. This would also be the place for baby changing thus respecting the rights of everyone. We are not yet at the stage of development where unisex toilets will work as there are still many cultural, medical, religious and criminal obstacles. Maybe one day but not anytime soon. I have seen an older boy in the ladies and it was him arguing with his mum about being there but it was a very rare occurrence most tend to be under 5's.

It's the parents are pathetic, not the children. It's the parent who makes the decision. I'm not blaming the child who was doing what the OP said.

"It's pathetic that boys are called pathetic and need to 'man up' and grow up and be big boys but girls are delicate little flowers that need to be protected from male children from behind locked doors."
Such utter, utter rubbish.

I'm still waiting for a good reason why all these paranoid mums with pubescent or teenage boys can't go into the mens' with them rather than taking them into the ladies'.

The only one who answered said she wouldn't feel safe in the mens', but then completely dismissed the fact that other women won't feel safe with her teeange son in the ladies'

Women are more vulnerable in toilets than men. If you can't loosen the apron strings, or if you can't let your older son out of your sight for valid reasons, take him in the mens'.

That said, I do think the OP is likely trolling and sock puppeting, so I probably shouldn't be wasting my time by engaging.

@FrancisCrawford

Absolutely. But hey, let's just make a big issue out of it and claim victimhood.

I was stopped by a waitress in a service station once when taking my son into the ladies. I said, "You have a choice he is about to throw up so let me get him to a loo or its going to be all over the floor." She got out of the way pretty quick. He was probably 7 at the time but would have easily looked 10, he is 6ft 4in now and was 6 ft when he was in year 7 so was never going to look his age.