Taking my boy in the ladies toilet...

[40andfucked]

So we were in a busy sports pub full of very happy (several drunk) people after a great win. My son needed the loo so I took him to the ladies with me. I was told by a very stroppy barmaid who happened to be in there that she wanted him out.
I said I didn't feel comfortable him going to the men's, she said well he's not coming in here. I said I don't want him in the men's alone. She said 'well go in there with him then'! So u did!
He's 10. Normally I'd send him in the men's, but not in a pub full of drunk strangers. I know some may think I've very over protective, but it really wouldn't have hurt her to just let him go for a quick were!!

These were normal circumstances though, I'm still calling this op

Exactly 3lovelyboys we don't go into the toilet to intimidate little girls with my menacing little boy. We go to do what we need to do and leave as soon as possible without giving anyone a second glance.

What's more I've never seen anyone give us a second glance most people just want in and out asap.

I personally not bothered by children of any age in the loos with me. But that's just me. In, pee, wash hands, out. Can't say I'd even notice tbh.

But it's a bit pathetic to be dragging 10 yr olds in with mummy. How embarrassing.he can go by himself ffs.

Let go

Yes...so, you are teaching them 'that attitude'.

That's exactly what saying 'that's your problem and not ours' is teaching them.

So as long as you get to do what 'you need to do' everyone else comes second MeandMy?

That's not a nice attitude to teach your children.

I agree that the chances of him being raped or assaulted are small. It is difficult to balance the risk out but that isn't the thing that worries me. Some men can be pretty indiscreet about their activities. I know off duty policemen who have arrested men and brought them into the vice squad because they have been shocked, and sometimes revolted, at what they have witnessed walking into a mens loo. I wouldn't want my 10 year old dealing with that.

The OP isn't saying that her 10 year old can't go to the loo on his own, she is saying that given the circumstances at that time she made a call that he was safer with her. None of us were there and I think as a mother I have a right to respect her judgement and she has a duty to use her judgement.

A 10 year old boy in a ladies loo is not a threat to anyone, we have cubicles for our privacy, and in my experience I have never known women to behave in way that would shock or horrify anyone when they use a public loo, well sometimes they leave a mess but that is as bad as it gets.

I'd probably tell him it is the ladies and that's it's only ok because he's a child and with his mum.

And when your sons grow up having learnt that women's discomfort is something to be dismissed?

And when your daughters grow up having learnt that a childs safety is something to be dismissed?

Baby I've never had any problems with anyone in RL.

Livia if someone came up to and told you that your daughter is making their son feel uncomfortable when she hasn't done anything wrong, what would your reaction be?

baby I'm not sure why you can't see that if a woman is upset by an older looking six year old the most likely thing that happens is she says to his mum "how old is he"? The mum says six and they all agree that's fine.

Is your point that a cut off should be based on appearance rather than age?

Oh FFS... Yeah because that's exactly the same granny

You can tell the parents who have children of both sexes on here.

No my point is that a boys mum should be trusted to make the call dependent on the situation, the place, who they have with them, his age, his maturity and capability and so on.

If these women are so scared and embarrassed they're hardly likely to go confronting the boy and his mother.

If she was in the men's toilets (ie a male only space) then that's totally reasonable of anyone to object.

Nobody is going to object to a small child but as they get older, either there are male spaces and female spaces or there isn't. It isn't unreasonable for anyone to object to an older child of the opposite sex being in the toilet.

At 10 he's old enough to go into the Gents alone. However, that woman completely overreacted, it's no big deal really.

Oh that's okay if the MUM says so - okay

Year 6 children have the right to go to the loo with the certainty that they will not meet a year 6 child of the opposite sex in there.

Nobody is saying this means that 5 year old boys should not go to the loo with their mums.

Well presumably she wouldn't take him into the toilet for the fun of it.

Well, this boy's mum (the OP) was perfectly happy to abuse facilities for people with individuals, so her judgement is clearly very poor.

I'm sorrybaby but I don't agree that mums have the right to unilaterally decide their male child can come into the ladies toilets/changing rooms. What would you say to a mum of a NT sixteen year old boy who decided he couldn't be out of her sight so needed to use the ladies loo?

All this talk of feminism and oppression and no one has asked why the op was the one taking the boy to the toilet rather than one of the men.

No she took him in because she was in what she suddenly perceived to be a potentially dangerous environment although presumably it was safe enough up to then. And because she couldn't be assed to get the RADAR key

That point has been made desolate.

What does NT mean?

Most people use common sense within the realms of acceptability.

Those that don't are rarer than rapists in men toilets.

I assumed she wasn't there with men, where does it say she was?