Taking my boy in the ladies toilet...

[40andfucked]

So we were in a busy sports pub full of very happy (several drunk) people after a great win. My son needed the loo so I took him to the ladies with me. I was told by a very stroppy barmaid who happened to be in there that she wanted him out.
I said I didn't feel comfortable him going to the men's, she said well he's not coming in here. I said I don't want him in the men's alone. She said 'well go in there with him then'! So u did!
He's 10. Normally I'd send him in the men's, but not in a pub full of drunk strangers. I know some may think I've very over protective, but it really wouldn't have hurt her to just let him go for a quick were!!

Bert
You're patronising comment isn't a surprise and I refuse to argue with you.
Every single time there's a feminist or private school thread you're there predictably ranting like yours in the only opinion that matters!

"If a dad brought a little girl into men's and my son was in there I wouldn't give a shit. I'd simply think it was a dad who didn't want to leave his daughter by herself."

But how would your son and the girl feel about it? That's the important thing.

OP sorry if I missed it but why would you have asked for the RADAR key, assuming your child isn't disabled?

There are two issues here.... The first - whether a boy should be old enough to go to the men's at 10.... Generally yes i think they should. The second, whether a boy should be able to go into the ladies full stop. The cut off should be puberty imo... A 10 yo boy is (except in rare cases) pre-pubescent.

Okay, my friendly and helpful advice - 10 is way too old to need your mummy to take you to the toilet, and it is never okay to use a disabled toilet just because you are being precious.

Oh and I agree with bert's posts

Totally Agree - not worth engaging with some posters

(Sn excepted, obviously)

'but if you think that such a heinous crime is going on in your local shopping centre'. Heinous crimes can happen anywhere and avoiding risk and our children's potential involvement in them is part of our parenting choices surely?

This article is a case in point - I'm fairly sure that the mother of this 11 year old boy didn't send him in there thinking 'ooh, bit of a vice den, but he needs a wee..'

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/man-jailed-for-raping-boy-in-manchester-shopping-centre-toilets-9877196.html

I've had IRL experience of a friends boy (aged 10) being flashed at by a man who was impeding his exit from the mens toilet in the park (and this man was finding it very exciting and this park is in a 'terribly nice' part of a very middle class area of a town - so again no 'steering clear' alarm), she had send him in there whilst she took her DD toddler to the girls toilets next door. Funnily enough she now takes them both together to the ladies.

I agree with you OP!

I think puberty is way to old outtaker. The pools round here expect people to be in the sex appropriate changing rooms at eight. I reckon that's probably about right.

When I've done it- which is rare as mine do mainly use men's- then I've quickly rushed them in and out to wee and told them we are being quick because it's the ladies.
My 8yo really is little, both in maturity and height, and if not let him I men's by himself. If me rushing him in and out upset a mum of a girl then it would be regrettable but wouldn't change my choice.
My 10yo is a slightly different kettle of fish as yes he is older and more grown up.

When you're by yourself with 4 little boys a lot then your perspective is different.
It's not always easy to consider the possible thoughts of every person when you're in a public place and 4 boys need a wee!

What age do people think is the cut off for boys going in with their mums?

When they start school, they go to the toilet by themselves. At 5 I would happily wait outside for himto did his business and come out again. My sisters both have boys and have done the same. Never had an issue.

He was out of my sight with an adult!!!

It's interesting comparing the comments her to some of the comments on threads where year 6(and sometimes younger) doesn't have separate changing at school.

If a dad brought a little girl into men's and my son was in there I wouldn't give a shit. I'd simply think it was a dad who didn't want to leave his daughter by herself

The dynamic is completely different as men and boys are not the oppressed class.

Just because you don't give a shit doesn't mean that girls shouldn't give a shit either.

These threads always end up with some eejit with faux surprise that anyone could possibly mind. What's the problem? It's only a female space so who gives a shit if boys are in there? I don't mind, so why do you? In Europe they laugh at us (they don't). It's all bollocks.

So why would you let your kid use the disabled toilet????

moomoo what do you perceive that actual risk to be that a ten year old boy will be raped in a toilet? Those situations are absolutely horrific but vanishingly rare. How many boys use gents toilets every day without coming to any harm whatsoever?

5? Ha, some 5 year olds can't even reach the toilet.

School toilets are the right height.

Yes, moomoo, but it's about assessment and management of risk and also about respecting the rights of others.

Risk is something that has to be managed, not avoided altogether (which is rarely possible), and the rights of others have also to be taken into account. Millions of children use public loos every day without any mishap and without any risk to them, so managing the (low) risk to a 10 year old boy by taking him into the women's loo is a disproportionate response that tramples over the right of women and girls to have a female-only space.

When you're by yourself with 4 little boys a lot then your perspective is different

I get you. I have one less than you and that's a handful enough

I don't think little boys should go in to the men's on their own when they are 5 years old. It might work for some but I definitely don't feel influenced to do the same. Again, don't give a shit if my child's presence makes any woman or girl feel uncomfortable- not my problem. He's five.

9/10 years old I would say is a sensible cut off point but again depends on the child and their maturity or if they have any SNs. Oh, that applies to DS2.

"some 5 year olds can't even reach the toilet."

Yes, and we all have mini toilets at home don't we. Oh no, we don't. And again, my five year old manages with my raised seat - they can use a regular bloody toilet ffs

5 is absolutely fine. Nobody is saying 5 year olds shouldn't go in the ladies with their mums, ffs!

Actually someone has just said that once they start school they should use the men's alone.

So that would be age 4-5.

Children use steps at home.

If your actions are making a woman or girl feel uncomfortable then it is your problem. At least accept some responsibility. "Not me guv" doesn't wash.

'When they start school, they go to the toilet by themselves. At 5 I would happily wait outside for himto did his business and come out again. My sisters both have boys and have done the same. Never had an issue.'

Actually, I did take DNephew (9 at the time), into the ladies at Bahrain airport once, he looked younger (he could have passed for 7 easily) as he found large, busy, airport toilets scary for some reason, not sure why but it was a one off.