Taking my boy in the ladies toilet...

[40andfucked]

So we were in a busy sports pub full of very happy (several drunk) people after a great win. My son needed the loo so I took him to the ladies with me. I was told by a very stroppy barmaid who happened to be in there that she wanted him out.
I said I didn't feel comfortable him going to the men's, she said well he's not coming in here. I said I don't want him in the men's alone. She said 'well go in there with him then'! So u did!
He's 10. Normally I'd send him in the men's, but not in a pub full of drunk strangers. I know some may think I've very over protective, but it really wouldn't have hurt her to just let him go for a quick were!!

When my son was 10 he was about to start senior school and had to take the train on his own.
The idea that I would walk him into the ladies is a bit boggling.

When we went for the taster day at his senior school one mum asked for many weeks she should travel on the school coach with her son. That poor boy sat there while all the other children gawped.

Unless there are SN it's no gift to a child to coddle them on the basis that the very very worst might happen. Independence is important for confidence and self esteem.

I used to work for the vice squad in a big city. I was always very careful about where my boys went to the loo if they were alone and in a pub full of drunks I would have done what you did.

What sometimes goes on in men's toilets would make a sailor blush let alone a 10 year old

By definition if you were in the Vice Squad you weren't seeing run of the mill environments.

In addition a pub full of drunks isn't the place for a ten year old.

But then it probably wasn't full of substance abusing drunks and the OP was being ridiculous.

Man up is fine. Big and strong does not have to be taken literally, you know.

Man up is not fine in the same way that don't m be such a girl is not fine.

It reinforces stereotypes that being a man is good, being female is bad.

10 is still quite little in my opinion, certainly when you look at a 10yo compared to a teenager.
Mothers of precious delicate little princesses who see boys as big baddies really piss me off

I don't even agree with OP but as a mother of boys this thread is making me furious

@PurpleDaisies
Ah. You live in a world where everything is to be taken literally. I didn't realise.

delicate I live in a world that constantly drip feeds that to be a man is good and to be a woman is bad. Challenging these things matters.

Man up is vile.

Totallyspies I agree. I consider myself a feminist but this thread is quite horrible.

On another note men weren't designed to wee standing up anyway and it contributes to urinary tract intentions.

Delicate I'm afraid you've misunderstood what man up means.

I don't even agree with OP but as a mother of boys this thread is making me furious

Why? because boys are more important than girls? Because 10 year old girls should just put up or shut up?

Ridiculous.

"Mothers of precious delicate little princesses who see boys as big baddies really piss me off angry"

Oh that really, really is bollocks! Nobody is saying that.

I am saying that a year 6 girl is entitled to go to the loo without having to share the space with a male classmate.

And a year 6 boy is entitled to go to the loo without sharing the space with a female classmate.

Morecoffee no but because boys and girls are all largely the same until puberty.

Or at least they are when it suits mumsnetters.

No it isn't bollocks in my opinion and let's me honest all any of us are giving is our own experience and opinion.

I am not the mother of a 'precious delicate little princess'. I am the mother of an ordinary 10 year old girl who has an ordinary, ten year old experience and an ordinary 10 year old girl's right to not find boys in her toilet.

I am also the mother of boys, who respect their sisters' personal space and, because they are boys, use the mens toilets in public places. I will not teach my 'delicate princes' that they can do what the fuck they like and girls will have to shut up about it.

How can you not see how ridiculous it is to state that a 10 year old girl who wants to use the female space that she is entitled to without the presence of boys is a 'delicate princess' but a ten year old boy who has the sense of entitlement to use a female only space is perfectly justified and not a 'delicate prince'.

As has been said, there's a world of difference between taking reasonable care and mollycoddling. Unless they have significant additional needs, no 10 year old needs to be taken into the loo by their mummy, least of all the opposite sex loo.

The vice squad do indeed deal with some heinous crimes, but if you think that such a heinous crime is going on in your local shopping centre/park/pub loo why on earth would you go there at all? Do you possess superpowers to stop it or prevent it? It doesn't make sense - if the public loo is a vice den, then surely you'd be steering clear, not walking into it with your child?

Why? because boys are more important than girls? Because 10 year old girls should just put up or shut up?

Put up with what exactly?!
A little boy in a loo with his mum is simply a mum not wanting her child out of her sight.

I don't think boys are more important than girls, I've never implied or stated that once.

"No it isn't bollocks in my opinion and let's me honest all any of us are giving is our own experience and opinion."

Well, so long as you are happy with your own experience and opinion bearing absolutely no relation whatsoever to anythinb anyone else has said.....

You might just as well have said "In my opinion Cox's Orange Pippins are the nicest variety of apple, and in my experience they are hard to find in supermarkets"

How can you not see how ridiculous it is to state that a 10 year old girl who wants to use the female space that she is entitled to without the presence of boys is a 'delicate princess' but a ten year old boy who has the sense of entitlement to use a female only space is perfectly justified and not a 'delicate prince'.

If a dad brought a little girl into men's and my son was in there I wouldn't give a shit. I'd simply think it was a dad who didn't want to leave his daughter by herself.

And I still can't get over - did the child in question have an opinion?

Did he want his mum in the gents toilet?

I bet the poor little lad is scarred for life. He may end up with some bizzare kink featuring being humiliated by older women.

I don't think boys are more important than girls, I've never implied or stated that once.

You have by saying it's OK for a 10 year old boy to invade the space of a 10 year old girl who doesn't want him there and has a reasonable expectation that it's a female only space apart from very young boys.

10 year olds are not very young boys.

"A little boy in a loo with his mum is simply a mum not wanting her child out of her sight."

A 10 year old is not "a little boy". Well, I've certainly never met one who would put up with being called a little boy!

And in this case, the "little boy" in question had been out of his mum's sight in the park for some time before loogate.

Ten is not a little boy. Mum's rights not to want their child out of their sight do not trump everyone else's rights to not want boys in the ladies.

What age do people think is the cut off for boys going in with their mums?

We were miles away from home. He would never have seen anyone from school.

He usually goes alone, it's just in this unusual situation I didn't feel comfortable.

Yes he is my baby. It doesn't mean I baby him. It means I'm his mum!

No I didn't post this thread using what are apparently bingo words to start an argument as some seem to think.

I used to post on here a lot when my kids were younger. I found people friendly and helpful, and made some good 'online friends' through it who have supported me through bad times ( and vice versa) and who I am still in contact with. Subsequently I still get the 'Mumsnet daily' emails. Having spoken to friends I thought I'd ask others opinions on the situation.