Taking my boy in the ladies toilet...

[40andfucked]

So we were in a busy sports pub full of very happy (several drunk) people after a great win. My son needed the loo so I took him to the ladies with me. I was told by a very stroppy barmaid who happened to be in there that she wanted him out.
I said I didn't feel comfortable him going to the men's, she said well he's not coming in here. I said I don't want him in the men's alone. She said 'well go in there with him then'! So u did!
He's 10. Normally I'd send him in the men's, but not in a pub full of drunk strangers. I know some may think I've very over protective, but it really wouldn't have hurt her to just let him go for a quick were!!

I thought it was obvious I mean small in the context of age.

The fact that children difference in how mature they appear to be makes policing a policy of at ten (barring special circumstances) children need to use the changing rooms/toilets appropriate to their sex. Most swimming pools where I am have eight as a cut off. People appear to observe the rule with no issue.

No because I said myself beyond high school age is too old.

What I mean is some 7 year olds are huge but are still only little children.

This is becoming unnecessarily convoluted. The boy is 10. He should man up.

What I mean is some 7 year olds are huge but are still only little children.

So if the cut off was eight (as it is around here) someone would ask the mum how old her child was and there would be no issue at all.

Yes I got that purple what I mean is a 7-8 year old can easily look much older than a tiny 10 year old.

To the outsider they'd look too old. I'd hope most parents would use common sense. I've never seen a teenage boy in the ladies.

@koala

Exactly.

Man up, seriously?

I hate the sexist world we live in but some of the comments on here are bloody awful.

A 10 year old girl has the right to expect there not to be 10 year old boys in the same loo as her.

My Ds would have gone bonkers at me!

At 10 they would have been mortified if I made them go in the ladies. Then had a row and then went in the gents with them! They would have had very strong opinions that they would have expressed clearly and I would have deserved it.

I can't understand the fuss

Well, you're lacking in empathy or imagination or both. We have sex segregated spaces for a reason and the reason is not 'being British'. Being British is not shorthand for 'unspeakable prude'. Sex segregated spaces are common throughout the world and in areas where they are lacking female safety and female participation in public life is massively impacted. The UN has done considerable research into the impact of female only toilets, and the lack thereof.

I used to work for the vice squad in a big city. I was always very careful about where my boys went to the loo if they were alone and in a pub full of drunks I would have done what you did.

What sometimes goes on in men's toilets would make a sailor blush let alone a 10 year old child.

I've only skimmed the thread but why weren't any of the men in your group taking him to the toilet?

I'm on the continent and 10 year old boys going into the ladies toilets would make people bat quite a few eyelids as the vast majority of 10 year old boys here are more than capable of going in the gents alone and its rather frowned upon to infantalise your child here. There are usually family toilets at service stations etc. so I assume that's where people go with older children who have SN. I've only once seen a boy older than about 8 on a female only space here (swimming pool showers) and I can only assume he had SN because his mum was helping him wash.

*This is little boy
*
10 is not a little boy... 3/4/5/6 is a little boy.

40andfucked do you realise that by reinforcing to your son that the barmaid was being unreasonable for not wanting him to be in a space that is for women/girls you are teaching him that as a man/boy his needs trumps those of the women/girls?

As an aside, those of you who take your boys into the womens, do you make sure they lift the seat and replace it after?

i don't want to clean up mis-aimed piss after a boy has used it, and i don't want to have to put the toilet seat back down either.

I can't believe you are taking a 10year old into the ladies. Completely inappropriate and ridiculous. The poor lad must be mortified.

Really mine is 8 and yes I always check the toilet after he's used it. I always warm him not to make a mess too.

Although this is partly why I'm still bringing him in with me.

Dh says he's not tall enough to use the urinals properly and dh says that the men's cubicles are often disgusting and no hand wash either. Although he goes in with dh if we are all out.

Warn him not warm

@Babyamazon
You do know the expression " man up" simply means grow up, don't you? How dare you allude to anything else.
The 10 year old would not be allowed to use the girls' toilet at school, would he? Why? Because it is not the right place to go.

How many more times? Hmm?

I agree cliff, it's saying to those in there, that his needs trump everyone else, at his age really he shoukd be using the toilet on his own. I don't know what parents do regarding sevice stations, petrol stations, dodgy public toilets. I woukd be waiting outside, and calling to him say after 10 mins.

And if we are going to have a male/female segregation in toilets then I'm not going to be any more or less pissed off by a 10 yo being in there than an adult male.

Either it's fine for both sexes to use the ladies or its for females and very young children (as in too young to use the toilet on their own) (SN excepted)

Man up is a horrible turn of phrase. It implies that men and boys should be tough and strong. It definitely doesn't mean grow up.

But fair play to the OP - managed to get the use of disabled toilets by a non disabled person in, as well as inducing the frothing that was going to be pretty obvious by her post.

"You do know the expression " man up" simply means grow up, don't you?"

No it doesn't.

I think a 10 year old boy is very different to a man. If women need a segregated space because men are threatening then how threatening do they think they can be to a child?