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AIBU?

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Original poster

Taking my boy in the ladies toilet...

1001 replies

40andfucked · 28/08/2016 19:53

So we were in a busy sports pub full of very happy (several drunk) people after a great win. My son needed the loo so I took him to the ladies with me. I was told by a very stroppy barmaid who happened to be in there that she wanted him out.
I said I didn't feel comfortable him going to the men's, she said well he's not coming in here. I said I don't want him in the men's alone. She said 'well go in there with him then'! So u did!
He's 10. Normally I'd send him in the men's, but not in a pub full of drunk strangers. I know some may think I've very over protective, but it really wouldn't have hurt her to just let him go for a quick were!!

OP posts:
kittybiscuits · 29/08/2016 08:39

10 is way too old for opposite sex toilet. If your son cannot use the gents toilet at that age then a pub wasn't a good idea.

Babyamazon · 29/08/2016 08:43

Someone up thread said that they confront boys in the ladies by telling them that they're a funny looking girl.

Serious question, can you really tell the difference between a boy and a girl before puberty other than their hair and clothes?

So a girl with short hair in a football kit could be asked to leave?

PurpleDaisies · 29/08/2016 08:46

The big difference with unisex toilets and changing areas is the expectation that men will be there.

If you have been raped or attacked in some other way by a man (I was mugged at knifepoint once) sometimes you just need to go somewhere where there aren't any men around. If you are not expecting there to be men in the ladies loo/changing room that's a huge shock and potentially very scary since you'd immediately be suspicious of any man that chose to violate the instructions on the door that the area was for women only. If you're in a unisex area there's no expectation that men won't be there.

Small children are fine to go with a parent of the opposite sex. It's totally wrong for men to go into the women's toilet with their daughter.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 29/08/2016 08:47

Serious question, can you really tell the difference between a boy and a girl before puberty other than their hair and clothes?

Er yes, in the vast majority of cases.

Surely it can't just be me? Shock

BombadierFritz · 29/08/2016 08:48

some people say equally things to grown women who have gone through puberty. its an unpleasant way to challenge someone especially a child. I didnt notice that post.

PurpleDaisies · 29/08/2016 08:49

Me too veryrestingbitchface.

I wouldn't call anyone funny looking though. Nasty thing to say to a child.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2016 08:50

Reading back your posts op, mabey you should teach your ds to shout and scream if he is attacked, or enrol him on a self defence or martial arts class. He is 10, he should be going into the toilet by himself, when where you going to allow him some independence, when he's 12, 14, 16. You have to let go.

kittybiscuits · 29/08/2016 08:52

Someone challenged my DD in a ladies toilet saying it 'was disgusting and she shouldn't be in the ladies'. I had to go to the toilet with her for the rest of the holiday. People should think long and hard about doing this. If I had found this moron I would have made her think long and hard about doing that again.

Outtaker · 29/08/2016 08:57

I think us Brits need to get a grip. Personally I think all toilets should be unisex with closed cubicles not the sort you can look under. Just like in people's houses....

Exactly... I can't understand the fuss. So what that a 10 yo boy was in a room adjacent to where you pee. Why do we get so het up about it.... I can imagine continentals reading this thread and laughing at the deftness of it all.

Outtaker · 29/08/2016 08:58

Daftness even

MoreCoffeeNow · 29/08/2016 09:00

Yes, Jason, I have seen boys I consider too old in the ladies toilets. I haven't said anything because, usually, the attendant or someone else does before I can.

DH says he has never seen a girl aged more than 5 or so in the men's toilets.

Babyamazon · 29/08/2016 09:03

Purple I do absolutely understand that but I just can't but a child into the same category as an adult male.

Saying to teach your boy common sense to scream and use self defence is an awful thing to say ffs. Hello? Should women fight off their attackers? Or is it a well known fact that women often freeze?

I am NOT saying a man should enter the women's I'm saying a child should be OK to go in with their mum.

BombadierFritz · 29/08/2016 09:03

why would 'continentals' find it funny? do they not understand the concept of male only area/female only area in your opinion? or do they have a different age cut off? I dont know, i've not noticed that. sure, some places are unisex, like we have, but the female only areas were just full of females and young males last time I visited "the continent"

kittybiscuits · 29/08/2016 09:06

I think I must be a bit incontinental....

Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2016 09:09

No it isen't baby, its a tool and it can be useful, so not it is not an awful thing to say. I have read of some women as they have been on self defence/martial arts classes, were able to defend themselves against an attack, hence the name self defence. I think everybody should take such classes. Not saying it will help everyone, but like swimming it could save your life.

PurpleDaisies · 29/08/2016 09:11

Purple I do absolutely understand that but I just can't but a child into the same category as an adult male.

I said in my post that small children are fine to accompany their parent to the opposite sex toilets. I don't think I've seen any posters disagree.

The question is whether a ten year old child is still classed as small.

Babyamazon · 29/08/2016 09:12

It really wouldn't and could actually put you in more danger.

I'm sorry you can't compare learning to swim to learning self defence so you can fight off a rapist.

It's exactly things like that why women aren't believed. Why didn't you fight back? Why didn't you scream?

Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2016 09:13

No, I if I saw a 10 year old being accompanied by his mum to the toilet, I would assume he had some type of sn or mental health issue.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2016 09:15

no babyamazon I realise it wont work in all cases, but still very useful to have those skills, self defence does not mean you grapple the attacker, you assess your situation, and try and get as much distance between you and the person. It is still useful to have those skills, then not. I have done kickboxing and self defence, it has made me more confident, not saying that it will 100% help me, but it just might.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2016 09:16

Yes in some cases, it helped the victim, surely that's a good thing.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 29/08/2016 09:16

And why would you have a 10 yo in a pub anyway, much less one that's full of pissed up sports fans?

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 29/08/2016 09:18

Is this query for real or are hairy feet involved?

Babyamazon · 29/08/2016 09:18

The question is whether a 10 year old is classed as small.

That's right but I think that's for the parent to decide. Some children look 10 when they're 7, some 10 year olds are tiny and only look 6. Then there are girls that look like boys and so on, then it depends where you are.

KoalaDownUnder · 29/08/2016 09:21

Why on earth should it be 'up to the parents to decide'? How ridiculous: 'Oh, I'll decide that my 14-year-old is a little boy then'.

It's about the comfort of other people that have to use the facilities, not just you.

Babyamazon · 29/08/2016 09:21

I actually think it would be good if most places just had a family toilet, with a baby change.

The amount of places I go where the baby change is still in the women's.

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