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AIBU?

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Original poster

Taking my boy in the ladies toilet...

1001 replies

40andfucked · 28/08/2016 19:53

So we were in a busy sports pub full of very happy (several drunk) people after a great win. My son needed the loo so I took him to the ladies with me. I was told by a very stroppy barmaid who happened to be in there that she wanted him out.
I said I didn't feel comfortable him going to the men's, she said well he's not coming in here. I said I don't want him in the men's alone. She said 'well go in there with him then'! So u did!
He's 10. Normally I'd send him in the men's, but not in a pub full of drunk strangers. I know some may think I've very over protective, but it really wouldn't have hurt her to just let him go for a quick were!!

OP posts:
VeryBitchyRestingFace · 29/08/2016 08:14

IF your 8 year old son WAS raped or molested in a toilet, as some peoples sons have would you still be saying it's rare, or would you wish you'd taken him with you?

And if your kid got hit by a car, would you wish you'd never let him leave the house and homeschooled him?

BeyondLovesSweetDee · 29/08/2016 08:15

I was raped at a house party, that's far from rare.
House parties are obviously not safe environments.

Or. Rapists rape.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 29/08/2016 08:17

can't imagine it because it wouldn't happen, Jason

There was a thread the other week where a woman was in the male changing room and saw a girl of 10 changing in there...

Goady as fuck troll and was deleted, but not an impossible situation obviously. These thing happen.... but these thing are rare.

Babyamazon · 29/08/2016 08:21

In my view being raped is far worse than being in a car accident.

I take on board all the points about it being rare, women being more likely to be raped than boys, abuse statistics. Yes you do need to go about your life.

However in my opinion, I think up until puberty there is no problem with a child, make or female using the toilet with their parent.

Although as a parent of an 8 year old boy I will send him in with his dad if he's there, there are times when I don't want to leave him outside when I'm using the toilet too.

LocatingLocatingLocating · 29/08/2016 08:22

My 7yo DS goes to the men's toilets on his own IF I feel its in a safe environment (quiet pub, restaurant etc). In very busy places (motorway services, big shopping centres) he comes with me or sometimes I wait outside the men's toilets.
As he gets older (8+) I will just wait outside the men's toilets. I''ve got no qualms about opening the door of the men's an inch and shouting in for him if I'm worried though!

EmpressKnowsWhereHerTowelIs · 29/08/2016 08:22

Persian is right though. Increasingly in the US, blokes can use women's toilets & changing rooms whenever they want as long as they say they're trans (though people are fighting back).

If the proposed legislation goes through it will be the same over here and nobody will have the right to object to Danielle in the women's changing room.

Taking my boy in the ladies toilet...
Sirzy · 29/08/2016 08:23

So when they hit puberty that risk suddenly disappears? There is no sense in your logic there. It's too dangerous or it's not surely?

Babyamazon · 29/08/2016 08:24

Just another point to make.

My two local leisure centres don't have male/female changing areas. There's a family room and the rest are unisex cubicles.

By most people's logic women and girls would be too uncomfortable to use the facilities because a man might be next door let alone a little kid.

Babyamazon · 29/08/2016 08:27

Sirzy no the risk doesn't disappear but by that point it does become inappropriate, imo of course.

Plus by then they'll be at high school probably travelling to school alone.

BeyondLovesSweetDee · 29/08/2016 08:28

It isn't beyond the realms of possibility that he was pubescent at 10?!

sandbagsatdawn · 29/08/2016 08:28

I just came back from Holland where, in a theme park ladies loo I saw two adult men, both supervising little girls. No one batted an eyelid. I think us Brits need to get a grip. Personally I think all toilets should be unisex with closed cubicles not the sort you can look under. Just like in people's houses....

Changing rooms where people are getting undressed is a totally different thing.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 29/08/2016 08:29

The thing is, is the bar staff had just said. 'Sorry I think he's a bit old to be in here' I'd have said 'ok can I have the radar key to take him to the disabled toilet'.

Is he disabled? If not, why the fuck would you take him into the disabled toilet? And if he is, why didn't you do that in the first place?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 29/08/2016 08:31

And I know this is going to get derailed into a trans debate but I'm more shocked that someone would think it okay to take their child into a disabled toilet if neither party is disabled.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 29/08/2016 08:32

Changing rooms where people are getting undressed is a totally different thing

I change clothes in public toilets all the time (work related). Can't imagine I'm the only one.

Babyamazon · 29/08/2016 08:34

Loads of shops just have unisex changing rooms anyway, loads of leisure centres have unisex changing rooms.

People mean open communal areas.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 29/08/2016 08:34

Livia

It's a goady post designed to get tempers flaring, best to let it go.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2016 08:34

I used to be a TA in a comprehensive school, believe me, some 11 year old boys were over 5ft 6 and very developed. No at 10 they can use their respective sex toilet.

GinIsIn · 29/08/2016 08:34

I haven't had the chance to RTFT but just feel its improrts to point out that this-

the majority of abusers are opportunists

Is completely wrong and very ignorant. Over 80% of child abuse is perpetuated by someone known to the victim - a friend or family member.

To all the posters saying things like "a boy was once raped in McDonalds" - yes, one probably was, once. The reason it will be in the news is because it's a very, very rare occurance. Far more children will have been killed or injured riding the their bikes or crossing the road - bet you still deem those acceptable risks!

If you wrap your child in cotton wool then all you will end up with is a child who doesn't have any street smarts or ability to assess risk independently - it's far more dangerous in the long term.

BombadierFritz · 29/08/2016 08:35

is it hard to understand the different meanings of unisex, men and women only areas? do they all have the same meaning?? yeah maybe unisex is better but if it isnt unisex then keep to the rules. (I hate those swimming pool cubicles that pervs stick their camera phones under or kids climb over to ogle for a laugh, but each to their own)

Sirzy · 29/08/2016 08:35

Sadly livia many people see disabled toilets as the easy option for them to use without actually considering the fact they aren't disabled.

Quite often on here I see the "but disabled toilets are for everyone as long as nobody disabled is waiting" type attitude.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 29/08/2016 08:35

Changing rooms where people are getting undressed is a totally different thing

I've had to change clothes in toilets before.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 29/08/2016 08:36

Oh and that 'stroppy barmaid' was just doing what she had been told to do, and was probably rushed off her feet for minimum wage, so she can probably be forgiven for not being super respectful to you and your son when you had done something that you weren't supposed to do.

Beardsareweird · 29/08/2016 08:36

I don't think that 10 is too old. The only problem that I have with mums bringing boys into the ladies is that in my experience, they let them wee all over the seat and floor and leave the mess for the next poor bugger to sit in!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 29/08/2016 08:37

Just read the last few posts...

Good idea, I'm going now for the sake of my blood pressure... Grin

Babyamazon · 29/08/2016 08:38

Getting changed behind a cubicle. Getting changed in an open, communal area in front of other people.

They are different things.

I wouldn't take my son into an open communal area where women and girls were getting undressed.

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