Taking my boy in the ladies toilet...

[40andfucked]

So we were in a busy sports pub full of very happy (several drunk) people after a great win. My son needed the loo so I took him to the ladies with me. I was told by a very stroppy barmaid who happened to be in there that she wanted him out.
I said I didn't feel comfortable him going to the men's, she said well he's not coming in here. I said I don't want him in the men's alone. She said 'well go in there with him then'! So u did!
He's 10. Normally I'd send him in the men's, but not in a pub full of drunk strangers. I know some may think I've very over protective, but it really wouldn't have hurt her to just let him go for a quick were!!

There are lots of places locally that do not have a disabled toilet or if there is one it is located within the single sex toilets ie knocked down some internal walls rather than providing a separate unisex one.

Look at this thread though

"apart from this site with it's goady as fuck threads"

Surely you can see that in this case it is generally

I can honestly say I know of no child over the age of 8 who has gone into the wrong sex toilet, this includes the many io have known with disabilities.

I am over 60yrs and have seen boys of about 9 or 10 in the ladies on numbers that you can count on one hand - and I think they had special needs. It simply doesn't happen much, which is why they would be teased.

All I've taken from this is that loads of people are using the disabled toilets inappropriately.

I personally don't think YABU to take him in to the loo with you if the toilet situation seems dodgy. I would probably let my DS go in to the mens and have a quick nosy to see if anyone is in there, then I'd wait outside for him. (There was a particular incident in our local tescos, for clarity)

It's not boys come first it's children come first.

But boy children come before girl children? No.

10 year old girls feel uncomfortable with boys of the same age in their space. Mothers of boys should be sensitive to this and not insist on imposing their boys in the female only space. It's telling girls that they have to conceded their private spaces to men. A very bad message.

MoreCoffee

But it happens both ways... Fathers do take their daughters into the Gents.

I don't agree with it, but saying it's only a one way situation is wrong int his case.

How many people here have actually seen a boy over 9 in a female toilet, in real life?

It's not some massive epidemic.

I find it very odd that for decades all primary school children got changed for PE in the same classroom but now there is a move to get yr 5 and 6 different changing spaces and yet the case is completely different in the case of toilets and the girls have to put up with it because some mothers won't give independence - they take the easy way out.

You are not going to feel any better about it when they are 11, 12 or 13 but one day you will simply have to let them go in alone if the boy won't assert himself.

But it happens both ways... Fathers do take their daughters into the Gents.

Not sure what your point is, Jason. No fathers of boys have contributed to the thread saying they find it an imposition if little girls are in the male toilets. I can't imagine a father would take a10 year old girl into the men's. Wouldn't happen. She'd use the ladies.

A battle is being fought in the adult world to preserve women only spaces, it's important that girls grow up knowing they are entitled to them.

I can't imagine a father would take a10 year old girl into the men's. Wouldn't happen. She'd use the ladies.

Why can't you imagine it?

It's not boys come first it's children come first.

Boys are children.

I can't fathom the mindset of parents who feel the need to accompany their NT 10 year old into public toilets (or wait outside)??

I'd have died if my parents had tried that and I was a shy, unconfident 10 yr old.

Where are you taking your kids that they need an escort to the bogs at the age of 10?? A crack den in the Bronx?

Not sure what your point is, Jason.

That the situation happens both ways.

How many 10 year old boys have you actually seen in real life in a female toilet?

Morecoffee it's not about the boys feelings vs the girls feelings.

Those who object to boys in the ladies, what do you have today about several incidents of boys being raped in the mens?

boys safety triumphes girls slight embarrassment.

The message: Learn to protect our children be they male or female, sometimes this means a male child needs to enter a female space.

Mothers of boys should be sensitive to this and not insist on imposing their boys in the female only space. It's telling girls that they have to conceded their private spaces to men. A very bad message

That's bullshit! A little boy isn't the same as a man.

My 10yo is tiny and as I explained pages ago has come in ladies on occasion in situations which I feel are unsafe (e.g motorway services)
This is because I have 3 others (all boys but smaller) to take for a wee and he'd be outside ladies waiting for ages.
Now I don't think that's safe and I quite frankly don't give a shit what other people think.
I wouldn't do it now as I think my next eldest is old enough to go in men's with him and I feel 2 is safer than 1.
I'm often on my own with lots of boys and they are very independent (no apron string issues!!) but there are times that I'm more cautious, my example above being one of them.

I can't imagine it because it wouldn't happen, Jason. However, there are mothers of boys here saying the reverse does happen, they do it.

No jason never seen it in rl

Exactly.
It's so absolutly rare. But it's being pushed about like it's always happening.

I went swimming on the weekend and there was a boy of about 10-11 in the changing room with his mum. He went into a cubicle alone to change, so clearly he is embarrassed to be naked in front of a load of random women.
No 'obvious' sn, though obviously I don't know about invisible ones.

there are mothers of boys here saying the reverse does happen, they do it.

Yes on the most reliable, non-goady website on the internet.

have you personally ever seen it?

That shoudl tell you how rare it is.

The chances of someone being raped In the men's are tiny.

The chances of them being ran over crossing the road, or falling out of a tree, or being hurt doinb many normal day to day things are higher - although still tiny - but not an excuse to stop them.

Surely we need to teach children to be sensible about risk not panic at things which are highly unlikely to happen.

How many millions of boys manage to simply go into the gents use the toilets and come out with no incident? What is the actual chance of being attacked?

Sirzy it might be rare but it is far more horrific than falling out of a tree or bring in an accident.

Ok it's rare, but it has and does happen. IF your 8 year old son WAS raped or molested in a toilet, as some peoples sons have would you still be saying it's rare, or would you wish you'd taken him with you?

I've been told on here that as the carer of a severely disabled son when I need to use the toilet, I should use the men's in preference to the women's if there is no disabled toilet. Because an obviously very severely disabled older child or man who has a carer with him, will be seen as a threat to women. In reality the threat is the other way around.

Nobody can say what they would say after that so that's a daft question,

But surely any age that risk is there so should nobody go into the gents toilet alone? What age does that become an acceptable risk?

If we are going down the abuse line let's also remember that sadly the vast majority of cases of sexual abuse against children take place in the comfort of the child's own home.

We have to be realistic about risk and not raise a generation living in fear of doing perfectly normal things like going for a wee.