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Original poster

Taking my boy in the ladies toilet...

1001 replies

40andfucked · 28/08/2016 19:53

So we were in a busy sports pub full of very happy (several drunk) people after a great win. My son needed the loo so I took him to the ladies with me. I was told by a very stroppy barmaid who happened to be in there that she wanted him out.
I said I didn't feel comfortable him going to the men's, she said well he's not coming in here. I said I don't want him in the men's alone. She said 'well go in there with him then'! So u did!
He's 10. Normally I'd send him in the men's, but not in a pub full of drunk strangers. I know some may think I've very over protective, but it really wouldn't have hurt her to just let him go for a quick were!!

OP posts:
MyNightWithMaud · 29/08/2016 01:35

Yes, exactly, Kali. Women and girls are entitled to expect that their loos and changing rooms will be used by - you guessed it - other women and girls. I never notice very young boys in women's loos and changing rooms but above a certain age (about 7, I guess) it triggers a reaction of "why would anybody take a boy that old with no obvious additional needs into a women's loo?" I was certainly taken aback to see a boy of about 10 in the women's loo today.

The point about school trips is a good one. When I've accompanied school trips, all the adults have been women and so the boys have had to go into the men's loos on their own. Nothing bad happened.

paddlingpool · 29/08/2016 01:35

Seriously non unisex toilets are just another division between men and women, that is embedded in young people for no reason!
Not so long ago, sanitary products were not advertised and prior to that, dad's stood in hospital corridors whilst mum's gave birth.
People really need to get a grip!

Despite criticism I don't believe it's easy but changes are needed😀

LucyBabs · 29/08/2016 01:35

Yes 10 yr old boys and girls are very similar, almost all will not have been through puberty. A very small minority of girls will have their period. I have no idea how this has become a transgender/trans women issue
I fully support women only toilets, changing rooms etc but young boys accompanied by an adult using womens toilets no I can't get worked up about it

paddlingpool · 29/08/2016 01:49

I really don't understand how puberty would be public from within the confines of cubicles. Obviously current cubicles are sporadic in terms of privacy. However, if unisex loos were the future, presumably doors would be floor to cubicle ceiling.

FoxesOnSocks · 29/08/2016 02:06

Whilst it may not been an issue to many adult women it may be to an adult woman who has had an abusive past. Why are their needs to have a female only space cubicle or not belittle or considered pathetic.

Why is the comfort of a 10 year old girl lesser than that of a 10 year old boy?

What do some women think happens in men's toilets? Willy waving? All occupants wandering around with their penises exposed as soon as they enter the door? That all men give a polite nod the the rapist in waiting? I'll think you'll find most men keep exposure to a minimum - maybe it's the men who's mother's kept they in the ladies that don't.

10 is too old, he should be able to go to the toilet alone. Not sure what risk you felt he was going to be exposed to.

I do note the standard non published child rape in men's toilet in McDonalds was quoted. Frequently quoted like the supermarket child abduction story.

I also like the confused poster who criticised posters for demonising males, meaning that boys should be allowed in women's toilers because boys can't go into men's toilets because they would be at risk from attack by men.

LucyBabs · 29/08/2016 02:16

foxes What do you think 10 year old boys are doing in womens toilets with their mothers "waving their willy around" or "signalling to the rapist outside" to come into the womens toilets?
Theres no need for the hysteria and as I said I fully support women only spaces
We're talking about children though

paddlingpool · 29/08/2016 02:21

Foxes, your comments are all about what people worry happens here or there, maybe they shouldn't. Put simply as a parent you would never have these worries if segregation wasn't the norm.

FoxesOnSocks · 29/08/2016 02:35

I don't think they are doing anything (read my opening line). But their presence may upset or make uncomfortable girls and women for reasons that are totally valid. However it seems that these valid reasons come secondary to supposed risks of male toilets. 10 year old can stare, make comments, laugh, point can't they.

You didn't read my post very well did you? No hysteria from me, I was asking why a 10 year old boy can't use the men's toilet and suggesting (hysterical) reasons those on this thread might be thinking. I then made a jibe that because some boys are being so mollycoddled they then don't know how to behave in a public toilet.

How is telling females they should accept males in a female only space supporting it?

Why can't these NT 10 year old boys be taken into the men's toilet by their mothers?

And again, why is the comfort of a 10 year old girl a lesser need than that of a 10 year old boy?

FoxesOnSocks · 29/08/2016 02:37

Segregation is the norm though.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 29/08/2016 02:42

Why can't these NT 10 year old boys be taken into the men's toilet by their mothers?

The reverse is men taking daughters into the ladies... which does happen.

HornyTortoise · 29/08/2016 02:43

Same as if it wasn't a registered childminder- or are you supposed to be an oracle?

FFS you made me laugh out loud at 2.30am and wake my husband who asked why then gave me a Hmm look..

OP, YABU. A 10 year old shouldnt be made to go to the loo with his mother there if he is uncomfortable doing so.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 29/08/2016 02:44

doesn't**

FoxesOnSocks · 29/08/2016 02:52

I think it might though Jason, almost certain there's be threads about it!!

I was really only asking those who think their 10 year old son needs to come into the women's toilet why they can't go into they men's with thier son. I don't think they actually should.

Oblomov16 · 29/08/2016 04:13

At 10, I would have just waited outside the men's for him.

Mycraneisfixed · 29/08/2016 04:51

Very often you see a notice in or outside a ladies' toilet saying/warning "Male attendant cleaning in this toilet" so what does it matter if a boy child goes in with his mother?

Rumpelstiltskin143 · 29/08/2016 05:24

So just when does someone stop being a child? 18 right? So according to all of you bleating "but it's a child" a boy of 17 and 3/4 can still go into the ladies toilet with his Mummy.

BeyondLovesSweetDee · 29/08/2016 05:39

I started my periods at ten, it's not exactly rare. The kid is a year off going to bloody high school. Oh and my five year old uses the men's toilets alone. And I have a radar key, so it's not even that it's too inconvienient to ask for one - I just know that disabled toilets are for, y'know disabled people, not for babied little boys. Hmm

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 29/08/2016 05:50

Oh and my five year old uses the men's toilets alone

And my 5 year old DS comes in to the ladies with me. And will continue to do so for a few more years Smile

Sirzy · 29/08/2016 06:06

When there is a "male attendant cleaning" sign up then someone can make the decision not to use the toilet at that time if for whatever reason they feel uncomfortable with the idea.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 29/08/2016 06:23

So just when does someone stop being a child? 18 right? So according to all of you bleating "but it's a child" a boy of 17 and 3/4 can still go into the ladies toilet with his Mummy

Exactly! Honestly, mn worries me sometimes, it seems like a whole generation of kids are being mollycoddled and have no independence whatsoever!

I imagine all these 10 year old boys are not allowed to play out without mum watching, or cross the road without holding hands!

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 29/08/2016 06:32

Some of these comments are bit silly and people are totally over exaggerating Grin

Natsku · 29/08/2016 06:37

What's silly is not letting boys grow up and use the toilets by themselves. I don't only feel sorry for girls and women who are uncomfortable with boys in the ladies' toilet but also for the boys that are likely uncomfortable too, and embarrassed, and are being denied the chance to learn age-appropriate independence.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 29/08/2016 06:59

Precisely Natksu! Though apparently it's our children we should feel sorry for according to mn. I mean really, fancy fostering their sense of independence, how bloody irresponsible of us! 😂😂

LondonBus · 29/08/2016 07:04

I get it, OP.

There was a nasty incident near me a few years (child rapes in toilets are publicised!) ago and after that mothers wouldn't even let their daughters go into female toilets alone.

The barmaid was rude. Most people wouldn't care about a 10yo boy in the toilets.

At that age I let my DSs go in to the men's but stand outside and would happily go in to retrieve them if they were longer than I was comfortable with. If the pub was really that gritty and people were really very drunk I'd probably not want to stay too long anyway.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 29/08/2016 07:06

Well as I said, my oldest is 5. So I go by age appropriate independence thank you very much Smile By the time he is 10 he will be old enough to go in to the men's on his own and I'll wait outside the door, as I mentioned right at the beginning of the thread.
Some people don't feel comfortable with their 10 year old boys going in to the men's toilets though, and I'm sorry but I can't find the energy to get worked up about that Smile

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