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AIBU?

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Original poster

Taking my boy in the ladies toilet...

1001 replies

40andfucked · 28/08/2016 19:53

So we were in a busy sports pub full of very happy (several drunk) people after a great win. My son needed the loo so I took him to the ladies with me. I was told by a very stroppy barmaid who happened to be in there that she wanted him out.
I said I didn't feel comfortable him going to the men's, she said well he's not coming in here. I said I don't want him in the men's alone. She said 'well go in there with him then'! So u did!
He's 10. Normally I'd send him in the men's, but not in a pub full of drunk strangers. I know some may think I've very over protective, but it really wouldn't have hurt her to just let him go for a quick were!!

OP posts:
joell75 · 29/08/2016 00:25

Its absolutely laughable that some people are suggesting its a feminist issue. It was about a LITTLE BOY. Out of the kitchen? What the fuck?

Doggity · 29/08/2016 00:29

Do people really think that 10 year old boys and 10 year old girls are the same?! Many girls start puberty at young ages these days. Forgive them for not being rational and grown up at TEN years of age. Hmm

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 29/08/2016 00:31

My kitchen comments were referring to the later posts on this thread, not the OP.

However I think you know that.

MyNightWithMaud · 29/08/2016 00:31

And I'd like my [teen] daughter to use the toilet without boys and young men in it. Thanks.

Me too, Pagwatch.

Today, in a busy shopping centre, a boy of about 10 emerged from one of the cubicles in the women's loos. No obvious disabilities or impairments (and yes, I know that not all disabilities or impairments are visible) and no obvious reason why he needed to be in a women's space. I too am getting tired of hearing why women's and girl's spaces need to be open to men.

Doggity · 29/08/2016 00:31

Definite influx at the moment. Hmm Lots of "new" posters started threads and posters who also appear to be "new" goading their way around MN. Roll on the start of the school year.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 29/08/2016 00:31

However please feel free to go make me a snack. I'm starving.

RichardBucket · 29/08/2016 00:35

Doggity Also a lot of netmums-esque "U know ur bubba best, mama bear!" comments on this thread.

PersianCatLady · 29/08/2016 00:37

Eventually the idea of separate male and female toilets is going to be pointless as I think we appear to be heading towards a situation where people can claim to be which ever gender they feel that they are regardless of what other people may perceive them to be.

In this situation I do not understand how it will be possible to have separate male and female toilets if anyone can use which ever one is appropriate to the gender that they feel they are not the one that they were born as.

PurpleTango · 29/08/2016 00:41

You had to be told that a 10 year boy was too old to go into the Ladies so you escorted him into the mens? YABU

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 29/08/2016 00:41

I think we appear to be heading towards a situation where people can claim to be which ever gender they feel that they are regardless of what other people may perceive them to be.

Good grief.

In this situation I do not understand how it will be possible to have separate male and female toilets

If you have a penis then you use the men's facilities. If you have a vagina you use the ladies.

It's not a difficult concept to grasp.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 29/08/2016 00:42

However I'm going to shut up before I end up getting myself banned.

Am also resisting the urge to post another kitchen joke

PersianCatLady · 29/08/2016 00:50

We drove past the McDonalds where it happen a few hours later and there were armed units with guns surrounding the place
Excuse me for my ignorance but how does that make the men's toilet more dangerous than the ladies' toilet?

paddlingpool · 29/08/2016 00:52

Toads, this is the issue though, you need to move on in your thinking, transgender people are valid humans.
Toilets need to be unisex, any sex cubicles

paddlingpool · 29/08/2016 00:56

The original poster was worried about sending a child into an area where he may not be safe. Why oh why has this debate been all about who goes where, rather than cubicles for everyone?????

OfaFrenchmind2 · 29/08/2016 00:57

I am not crazy about the unisex toilets as only option. As much as I love men, they quite often have lesser standards for toilet cleanliness, and a tendancy to overestimate their aim, bless them, especially when they drink. And not lowering the fucking toilet seat (if tehy first think of putting it up). Wiping the toilet seat constantly and hoping to keep a dry ass is grim.

midcenturymodern · 29/08/2016 00:57

Women have good reason to want single sex facilities. They don't 'need' to be unisex at all. Once we eliminate male violence against women and girls we can talk not needing sex segregated spaces but the violence needs to go before the protection does.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 29/08/2016 01:01
Hmm
PersianCatLady · 29/08/2016 01:04

If you have a penis then you use the men's facilities. If you have a vagina you use the ladies
That is my take on things but already there are moves to try and do away with the traditional idea of male and female toilets.

thetab.com/uk/soton/2016/05/03/southampton-leads-campaign-sanitary-bins-put-mens-toilets-65863

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/why-the-uk-should-ditch-male-and-female-toilets-for-gender-neutr/

RedSoloCup · 29/08/2016 01:08

My 5yo daughter often goes on her own let alone a 10yo!

PurpleTango · 29/08/2016 01:09

The original poster was worried about sending a child into an area where he may not be safe. Why oh why has this debate been all about who goes where, rather than cubicles for everyone?????

Why should we all have to suffer unisex toilets because a small minority of parents are over-anxious about their offspring's safety? Must boys use the male toilets when they go into Junior School - so from age 7. At this age most mothers stand outside the door and call "Are you okay in there William?" and the boy replies "Yes. I'll be there now". A wee takes less than a minute. By the age of 10 they are well used to using the men's toilet.

The toilets are identified by a symbol on the door. A female symbol for the ladies and a male symbol for the mens. What is the point in the symbols if anybody can just waltz into either?

Your quest for unisex toilets hasn't happened - and is unlikely to. Until it happens female toilets are for females and male toilets are for males. Obviously small children (NOT 10 years old!) and children with SN need to go with their caregiver.

kali110 · 29/08/2016 01:13

Well in your '30' seconds op, i or others may have pissed myself/themselves.
The disabled loo is for, you know people with disabilities?
I may not be bothered by a young child going into the loos now. as a young girl starting her periods, no i would have been extremely embarrassed to have your son in the loos!
Not a chance would i have got any sanitary items from the machine or changed myself knowing a boy was in there.
( my dad would take me to a social club when i was young).
Your son is old enough to go in the gents. If you don't trust the people arou d then don't take him to these environments.
The barmaid was not unreasonable at all.

eyebrowsonfleek · 29/08/2016 01:14

I'm surprised how many posters have forgotten what they thought about 10 year old boys when they were a 10 year old girl. Before I am inundated with replies about how people didn't feel differently about boys I will call bullshit.

It's normal for primary schools to have separate changing for boys and girls from y3 (age 7) so that both sexes can get changed in a room that they feel safe in (with other people of their sex) That's why I find it surprising that an NT 10 year old would even go in the ladies.

I know they technically don't see anything but sitting on the loo with your knickers around your ankles is a vulnerable state to be in, even if it's seconds. Girls shouldn't have to put up with older boys (8+) walking around while they toilet unless it's an emergency. Why should they have to suffer over-protective mothers invading their space with NT sons who are old enough to do the same as they do at school?

I'd love to know at what point boys go from needing protecting from Male toilet users to becoming a potential rapist who used the Male toilet?

kali110 · 29/08/2016 01:18

MyNightWithMaud i wasn't Happy
To find someone's son ( not sure of age but was not little) in the female changing rooms.
Especially as i came out half naked to show my mother something and didn't realise he was there Confused.
Wouldn't have minded if he was at the top of the changing rooms, but he was sitting right outside mine!

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/08/2016 01:22

He's 10. Unless he has special needs, he is old enough to go into the men's alone.

RockinHippy · 29/08/2016 01:30

So the barmaid was unhappy to have a 10y/o boy in the Ladies, where everyone uses cubicles, but happy for you to go into the mens with him - where everyone doesn't use cubicles?

How weird Confused

YANBU & YABU

The barmaid was silly, but at 10, unless there are SN to worry about, he really should be old enough to go to the Gents on his own, keep an eye by all means, but surely it's embarrassing for him at this age, DD went on her own at a much younger age, we watched the door of course, but they need to learn independence - plus she wanted to

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