Taking my boy in the ladies toilet...

[40andfucked]

So we were in a busy sports pub full of very happy (several drunk) people after a great win. My son needed the loo so I took him to the ladies with me. I was told by a very stroppy barmaid who happened to be in there that she wanted him out.
I said I didn't feel comfortable him going to the men's, she said well he's not coming in here. I said I don't want him in the men's alone. She said 'well go in there with him then'! So u did!
He's 10. Normally I'd send him in the men's, but not in a pub full of drunk strangers. I know some may think I've very over protective, but it really wouldn't have hurt her to just let him go for a quick were!!

I did state 'obviously not in the same circumstances'
Well if the circumstances were not the same, what is there for you to be worried about?

Also I suspect that most 10 year old boys would not want to go into the ladies toilet with a childminder.

Most 10 year old boys don't want to go to the toilet with mummy or a childminder.

My son doesn't think all men are potential rapists. I sincerely hope he doesn't think of rapists at all! He shouldn't have to, that's my job! Yes he thinks mum is over protective. But I'd rather that than any other scenario. When he has the confidence to shout and scream if something upsets/worries him then I'll back off! I hope it will be soon!

You won't apologise for abusing disabled facilities? Of course you won't. Where would you wash your hairy hands?

Oh I think it will be very soon

Letmebe Bang on

40andfucked Id call it a night if I was you. You asked for opinions and you got them...and a bit more to boot. You make the decision that your most comfortable with. Your kids, your call. Its not a life changing decision, we will all wake up tomorrow. For what its worth, I feel that a large proportion of mothers would do the same. Theyve just been underrepresented tonight!

You did admit to taking your son to a pub full of drunken men who you viewed as potential child abusers if they had 2 minutes alone with him in a toilet though. I've never taken my kids to a venue where I'd be terrified to let them go to the appropriate toilet. That is not good parenting. It sounds like an awful pub

Hairy hands?

I feel like the solution for people in your situation, Satan is unisex toilets. We could have a male, female, unisex and disabled. I never considered what might happen if someone is a carer (maybe paid, formal carer which makes is even more inappropriate) needs the toilet and the cared for person cannot be left alone.

Satan I I woukd bring them in the cubicle with me I don't see how that is relevant. I don't think a fifteen year old should be in the ladies

2rebecca Quite.

OP, you can't have it both ways. Either this was a completely unsuitable place for your son to be in, OR it was safe for him to use the toilets alone. Which is it?

totalrecall - to be fair, I think Satan has a more valid reason for having her 15 year old in the ladies than you do for having your 9 year old in there (unless your son also has special needs). Maybe the 15 year old isn't able to be left unsupervised outside.

Satan. I don't think a 15 year old shouldn't be in the ladies. Why can't you wait outside the disabled loo whilst he goes and then he waits outside whilst you go?
I am in two minds about this.

Obviously a 15 year old son with SN needs help but there has got to be a better solution than using the ladies toilets.

I mean there is always enough of a queue for the ladies as it is.

An example being that when my DS, my DF and I went out the other day they were amazed at how long it took me to come back from going to the toilet. I think their exact comment was "we thought you got flushed away for a minute".

Now whilst I was actually quite quick actually using the toilet I spent a lot of time waiting for boys of about 8 to 12 to use the toilet, which to me seemed odd as there was no queue for the mens toilet.

It wasn't totally inappropriate, but I wasn't comfortable sending him in the men's alone! How is it only one or the other! No blurred lines allowed?

Bloody autocorrect!
The op knew what I meant though.
Hairy bullocks indeed

Boys must be protected at all cost. Nevermind the other women, the shy-pissers, the girls that freeze when they open their sanpro in the toilet because the sound is mortifying (I was one of those girls when I started having my periods, it multiplied when I thought a boy or a man can hear it), the other women discussing their periods or those that do not want the toilet seat covered in piss. Because 10yo boys always remember to lift the seat then lower it again, obviously....

But hey, as soon as they hit 18, apparently they become raging substance abusing rapists....

infantilising children is not doing the best for them.
I have actually challenged boys in the ladies' before now, well not challenged but just said to them 'you are a funny looking girl!' they usually look very embarrassed and I hope it dissuades them from going in again. Mt DC have been using the toilets alone since at least starting school, if not younger. Think what parents would say if 10 year old boys were allowed in the reception girl's toilets. Your DS is a big lump of a 10 year old now.Stop thinking of him as a baby!

My nearly 7 year old has started going in by himself occasionally, Also depending on the situation. I always stand outside and wait. A couple of times if I feel he's been too long, I've asked another man (either coming out or going in) if they can see a little boy inside and can they check if he's ok. It might be he can't open the door or turn the tap/dryer on. Nobody has minded so far.
But I only allow it if he asks to and I'm comfortable with it.

In the female toilets I've never had any lady say he's too old or look at me funny. Not that I've taken notice. I will now though.
I take him into the cubicle with me or if he wants to go separately, I insist he doesn't leave the toilets without me, all the time chatting to him.

At 10, hmm it's a bit hit and miss. Yes he's old enough to go alone of course, but then again, I can't judge as I haven't been there yet with any child of that age so don't know how I would feel.

What does NT mean? Sorry not clued up on this abbreviation. I'm guessing some term for having no disabilities.

sorry, Satan cross-post

Exactly, OfaFrenchmind.

40andfucked So it's appropriate for your 10 year old to be in a pub with men who are pissed up, off their heads, and waiting for an opportunity to sexually assault a child?

...or were they actually not pissed up, off their heads, and waiting for an opportunity to sexually assault a child?

Some of the local public disabled toilets are located within the male and female toilets. There is no unisex toilet so if parent and older disabled child are opposite sex, one of them has to go in the wrong sex toilet.

My son doesn't have special needs but he has only just turned 9 hasn't reached puberty, and he's not 6ft. I think less people would be concerned about a small child than a teenage boy? Not sure my daughters woukd feel comfortable with a fifteen year old in the toilet. Mind you I have never seen any one bring a teenage boy in a ladies loo.