To hate the label 'full time mummy'

[ilovenautical]

Have 0 tolerance for mums that put down working mums & label themselves full time mummy's - seriously?! Does that mean working mums are part time? So when we drop child off to day care/family/CM we are no longer parents? We no longer think about DC and if they were unwell we would just wait till non working hours to see them? Grrrr infuriates me!! am I the only one?

I gag at the term tbh. I find it is the young and uneducated that put it on Facebook. My favourite was "Full Time Mummy at Full Time Mummy! AND I LOVE IT!!"

loco parentis

I'd rather those uneducated girls stuck to hating their kids tbh whether they stay home or not....

Don't claim you are a full time mum when, quite frankly, you are not.

So a mother can only be classed as a full time mum if she's with her children 24/7?

What if the SAHP takes the children to stay with grandma for a day so she can go out with some friends? Is she no longer a full time mum then because she's occupying her time with something other than her children?

What's the difference between a SAHP leaving the toddler in a 2 hour play session each day (so
10 hours a week) and a working mom who works 10 hours a week?

I hate the term too. My sister in law (husband's sister) refers to herself as that too, often as a dig to my other sister in law who has always worked full time. Considering the former's son is practically a wildling (no table manners, no basic literacy/numeracy at 3 so he will set back other kids when at school, not toilet trained) and the latter's is an angel despite being younger, I don't think being a SAHM = full time mummy. It's all about quality time not quantity of time when it comes to raising kids.

Its the guilt isnt it.
Whatever you chose or are forced to do theres always massive guilt about not doing the other.
And so people take offence at comments that dont intend any just because they feel insecure themselves. They feel like they need to stand up for whatever path it is they are taking.

Everyone who is a parent is obviously a parent all of the time however some people are doing it as a job. Now this is a job that if they werent doing it some one else would be paid to do and it would be considered a full time job then without a doubt, so why is it not if it is being done for free?

If you are working along side parenting you are doing both things part time or one more than the other etc and that is not an insult it is a statement about how you are filling your time. It doesnt mean you are less of a parent it just means you are also doing something else some of the time.
Just as it doesnt mean you are unemployed if you are at home caring for your children. All mothers except for the few incredibly lucky ones with the wealth to not have to work and also to be able to afford nannies and cleaners, are doing work and very valuable work.

If you are at work and have a young child someone else is caring for that child so you can be at work.
Now that is the work that a stay at home parent would be doing so to say that stay at home parents are working less than you is ridiculous.

Because you wouldnt say that whoever is employed to look after your child whilst you are at work is not doing any work. Thats an actual job. People are paid to do that job!
Yes whilst you are working outside the home you may also as a mother have to be thinking of your children and doing things for them but by the same token if you have young children they arent just left alone in your house looking after themselves are they? someone else is helping you and they are doing very real work and that is the work a stay at home parent would be doing!! Its no more or less work its just different and has its own ups and downs just as working outisde the home does.

No one needs to put it down or negate the amount of work involved to make themselves feel better about whatever they have to do. I know it always feels like whatever you do you are under attack as a mother but dont negate what other women do to make yourself feel better. We should stand united in pointing out the incredible amount of work that women do for much less money than is paid to men and sometimes completely for free.
Women still on average do 70% of the housework even when both partners are working full time. Women still do most of the childcare whilst men are still getting called babysitters. There is so much social emphasis and pressure on the 'duties' of a woman even in this day and age. Work that is unpaid and doesnt even get noticed unless it is not being done.

no basic literacy/numeracy at 3 so he will set back other kids when at school

?

I'm actually curious as to whether any WOHP actually do feel guilty though?

writer

I feel guilty about not feeling guilty if you get me?

FRET
Divisive bullshit threads like this aren't helpful to anyone

YY

This we agree on

If you work, you do not parent your child 100% of the time needed. You pay someone else to look after your child while you are elsewhere. Therefore you do not parent full time. Of course you are a mum, you love your child, but you are not actively parenting them in this time. You are parenting them part of the time. Part time.

Right, so I'll ignore the erroneous assumption that I pay someone to do childcare, and focus instead on your main point: you can't call yourself a full-time parent unless you are physically with your kids 100% of the time? Is that right?

So those calling themselves full time parents never go out without their children, never leave their kids with their other parent or their grandparents, never send their kids to pre-school, home educate all the way, co-sleep every night and never let their DC out of their sight. Have I got it now?

And presumably, those parents who call themselves full time parents don't believe that parents have a duty to provide for their kids, put a roof over their heads, food on the table etc, because none of those things are actually important for a child's wellbeing, just as long as there is one parent who never lets the children out of their sight?

writer - do you think parents who have a paid job do or don't feel guilty ? From your question it sounds like you don't believe they do

I've noticed there's always just a certain type of person who puts "full time mummy" as their "job" position.

It's not a job. You are not paid for it, you do not accrue holidays, parenting is just a way of life if you have children it's not a fucking job.

If you work, you do not parent your child 100% of the time needed. You pay someone else to look after your child while you are elsewhere. Therefore you do not parent full time. Of course you are a mum, you love your child, but you are not actively parenting them in this time. You are parenting them part of the time. Part time.

So are sahps by your logic. You do not parent when you are asleep, so they are also part time parents too, as is anyone that has the cheek to go out for a couple of hours without their child

Brilliant.

We are st this point.

And presumably, those parents who call themselves full time parents don't believe that parents have a duty to provide for their kids, put a roof over their heads, food on the table etc, because none of those things are actually important for a child's wellbeing, just as long as there is one parent who never lets the children out of their sight?

Who gives a shit?

Honestly?

I think I must have been born without the "sahm versus wohm" angst

Yes, Fret, we are at this point because some posters on this thread are arguing that providing for your kids is not a part of parenting.

Either it is or it isn't.

I'm actually curious as to whether any WOHP actually do feel guilty though

Nope, I don't feel guilty at all.
I've been a SAHP and I found it incredibly hard. Harder than going to work, in my opinion. I am a disorganised person and found you have to be quite self motivated and make a good routine - I am crap at that. DP works long hours, so I found it very lonely and I hated not earning my own money. I like the independence of working, and I'm a happier and better mum overall for working even if it is just 3 days a week.
DS goes to nursery 2 days a week which he loves and the other day he's with DP so it works for us.

I know a few people who really enjoy being SAHPs though, and good for them. We're all different.

Personally, no, I don't feel guilty about working outside the home because I don't feel that my dd is disadvantaged in any way because of that - quite the contrary, in fact.

However, I know some mums who do feel guilty, and I think it's really hard for them.

OldGuard

writer - do you think parents who have a paid job do or don't feel guilty ? From your question it sounds like you don't believe they do

You're right, I don't think many WOHP do feel guilty about it. I think they enjoy going to work in order to do something for themselves and also to have a break from parenting duties at home

I see my work as being multi faceted.

I really enjoy it.
It provides something that others want.
I earn lots of lolly ( much if which I spend on my DC).

'It's not a job. You are not paid for it, you do not accrue holidays, parenting is just a way of life if you have children it's not a fucking job.'

Please dont say things like that its not only SAHP you are insulting but all mothers. It IS a job, it takes time and effort and if you werent doing it someone else would be paid to do it. The more you add into this assumption that it isnt something that should be as valued as paid work is but should just be something that it is assumed women will do as their duty without payment or acknolwedgement, you are adding to the oppression of all mothers.

I don't see it as a job, I separate my work and home life as totally different - I have to go to work for money but I chose to be a parent and I think the 'job' label can make it feel a bit cold and corporate.

That's one reason I think people don't like to liken it to a job

Surely it's something that parents do not just mothers. My husband will be staying home with this baby until he goes back to work. We don't see it as a job. We didn't have to have a baby to survive like we do with our jobs. We don't get paid for it.

I see being a parent as a role. Also a responsibility.