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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For my ex to do some bloody childcare

76 replies

Pisssssedofff · 27/08/2016 12:03

He still nearly three years after we split doesn't have anywhere to live so that's a story in itself, looks like he's about to start cocklodging again though.
I want to move forward in my career, I work full time the kids and I are out the door at 7.30am each morning for school. Drop the little one at breakfast club the older ones go to Starbucks - about £9 a day for that alone. They then all get a taxi home - again - £15 per night for that.
Ex doesn't work Monday's so proposes to take them for tea every other Monday but he'll let me know if something comes up and he can't. I wanted him to pick them up after school on a Friday when it's his weekend and he will, but he'll charge me £35 a week to do so, therefore I will loose £140 per month for this favour every other weekend.
Is it me ? Honestly am I asking too much ?

OP posts:
monkeysox · 27/08/2016 12:05

Wtaf yanbu

harderandharder2breathe · 27/08/2016 12:06

He can't charge you to look after his own children wtaf?? It's parenting not childcare

Bobochic · 27/08/2016 12:08

He cannot charge you, his children's mother, for picking his own DC up from school.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 27/08/2016 12:09

He'll reduce the Csa ... He currently has them less than 52 nights per year. If I have him pick them up on a Friday night it'll tip over the 52-101 night bracket and reduce by 10% even though it's only 54 nights.

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Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 27/08/2016 12:10

But yeah those were his words, he will charge me 😂😂😂

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McBobby1 · 27/08/2016 12:10

I don't understand why he's charging you!! I definitely wouldn't pay. YANBU.

confusionis · 27/08/2016 12:12

I wouldnt bother interacting with him. he sounds like a waste of oxygen.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 27/08/2016 12:13

I hear you confusionis, it's more for the kids, just trying to make it nicer for them than wondering around catching cans etc

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Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 27/08/2016 12:14

Cabs even

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Kazplus2 · 27/08/2016 12:19

How about every other Friday then?

Olympiathequeen · 27/08/2016 12:36

Words fail me! And this Arse is their father Sad

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 27/08/2016 12:50

He can only do every other Friday Kaz, but it would cost me as though he was having them every weekend from Friday to Sunday even though he isn't.
The issue is he doesn't have his own place so has to book hotels/rooms at his mothers place so if it costs him I guess he feels the need to pass this onto me. He didn't pay child support once when he had them for a week - brought them home every night mind - but because he spent money on them during the day he feels he shouldn't have to cover anything else. This is his logic, his mother, family and every woman he meets agrees with him 😳

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Mosseywossey · 27/08/2016 13:00

I think you need to set out a new deal and be harder on him. He is taking the mick.
My friend's Ex did this to her, claiming it was fair and just, while he did the minimum of childcare. Get him to do more, even though you lose money in the long run it will allow you to have more freedom and extend your career.
But he really should have his own home 3 years down the line, what has he been doing Hmm

Themoleisdead · 27/08/2016 13:02

ExH never had children overnight once in 10 years since our divorce (apart from holidays) despite having more than enough room. He also used to agree to things like school pick ups and then let me down at short notice - I am certain this was a power game and to get back at me. My advice is to make child care arrangements that don't include him - it is unfair and wrong but in the end much less stressful. Unfortunately you can't force someone to be a good father and a decent human being.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 27/08/2016 13:22

He's been living at other women's houses Mossey.
I'd like an au pair tbh but I'm in catch 22 until I have a job that pays for a 4 bedroom house I can't get childcare that works for us and of course I can't get the job or keep it without the childcare.
Am considering just having the month from hell where everyone has a tough time but in the longer term it works. I just hate the idea of my kids sat around in cafes etc whilst that tit runs other women's kids to school.

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t4nut · 27/08/2016 13:31

I'm more concerned why you're spending 9 quid a day at Starbucks and anotherv15 on taxis.....

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 27/08/2016 13:38

They are too old for childcare so I have to drop them at 7.50 so I can get to work, school doesn't start until 8.30am so I can't have them sat outside. Then of course they have to get home, it's 2 buses costing £8.80 anyway, for another £6.00 they get delivered to the door and I'm not worrying about them falling out and one pissing off on their own or fighting with the other in the street which has happened before.

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Zoolander · 27/08/2016 13:52

Yanbu about him but the childcare arrangements sound very stressful.

Does the school not do a breakfast club? Some high schools do.

Would a childminder not take older children?

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 27/08/2016 13:57

No to both, the au pair is by far the best option short of him pulling his weight which is never going to happen. Had previous conversations about him having them 50/50 and I got told when he's away I would have to cover for him and he would do the same - only of course I don't work away, ever.

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Zoolander · 27/08/2016 13:58

He sounds more hassle than he's worth.

TheNaze73 · 27/08/2016 14:08

What is his financial situation? What exactly are his commitments to you as part of settlement? A friend of mine has to hand over 20% of his salary to his ex wife & 10% per child for 4 children. After handing over 60% of his net salary, he can't afford his own house. Is his situation like that?

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 27/08/2016 14:12

Er he doesn't pay anything for me, just Csa minimum he can away with. Paid nothing at all for over a year whilst he lived at another women's expense.

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Hissy · 27/08/2016 14:28

You should advertise for a live out help, to get them to and from school only and perhaps some supervision of needed.

t4nut · 27/08/2016 14:29

Sounds very much like you want you ex to behave howvyou want him to behave, which is probably why he's your ex. He's your ex, you don't get any say anymore. One assumes as the CSA is involved an assessment has been made and a custody agreement of some form.

Are you flogging a dead horse here for some reason?

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 27/08/2016 14:31

Was just thinking that as one solution, however, I'd still have to pay their petrol etc though so that doesn't reduce my cost. I can't see anyone wanting a job for an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon I really can't. We need to move house basically, I've offered on one. Fingers crossed.

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