My manager told me my colleagues dislike me !

[SparklySlippers]

Hello. Hope you're all ok. Today I was being assessed at work. We were having some down time after the assessment and she told me my colleagues email her moaning about me. Basically they think I'm lazy and arrogant. For the record I am neither and I know I'm not. I've never had bad feedback in any job and always got on with colleagues for god sake I married one of them! I'm in shock and quite pissed off. I'm quite an anxious person so this has set me off. Aibu to be pissed off?

Do you fullfil the criteria of your job description? If yes then yanbu. We all have to work with people we don't like but provided they are doing the job they are paid to do it is irrelevant how we feel about them.

It sounds like your manager doesn't like you.

Wow, that is really horrible. It wasn't part of the assessment, just idle chatter? Maybe you should have confided in her that they all say she smells?!

I think you should take it further. It sounds like bullying on her part. If she wanted to tackle your perceived arrogance etc, she should have mentioned it within the assessment and given you strategies to deal with it. She was very unprofessional.

It doesn't sound like the manager dislikes you.But if the manager is getting complaints then yes!! Yes they absolutely have to address it!

Maybe she was approaching the subject gently.... Hence doing so in 'downtime'?

Rather than go in All guns blazing during assessment?

Err, your manager should never have conveyed any problems in that way!

That's awful. If there was a problem with colleagues (and I'm not saying there is!) it should have been brought up in a tactful way to get your "side" of the story.

YANBU about how this was handled.

I started with two other girls and one is leaving after eight months so says a lot! The team are bitchy and two faced and I am aware they all send emails about everyone. I fulfil the job description and I think I'm good at the job. She said it's because I don't show stress so people think I'm lazy FFs

Sometimes it only takes one person to dislike you to cause the ripple effect. when someone points out something you never notice but once they have it is all you think about . Maybe you are working with a person like that who is turning the team against you (maybe even the manager).

She then told me people say worse about my colleague! Why do I need to know that? Why did I enter such a bitchy profession?

If that's why they've complained about you then fuck them. They're jealous.

They can fuck themselves actually you're right. They've got nothing better to do obviously.

Hmm. Whilst I am concerned that she told you this after, why would she lie?

The 'For the record I am neither and I know I'm not.' actually comes across as quite arrogant...

It may not be who YOU think you are, but you may not be aware how you come across. If there is absolutely no truth in it why would colleagues (multiple) say it?

I'm not saying she lying. It was one colleague maybe two who have said this. I know I'm not lazy and I don't like lazy people I don't believe this makes me arrogant.

Do you work in the charity sector by any chance?!

Your manager was unprofessional. I'd be hurt in your shoes. I know it's 'only work', but you spend 8 hours a day with these people. Not nice at all.

It's not upto them to comment on your personality if you're doing your job though. You could be the most arrogant bastard in the world - they have to work with you not live with you.

YANBU. Your manager should be putting a stop to any bitching and accusations where there is not valid evidence. Sounds like a really negative atmosphere with a manager who is setting colleagues up against each other. Horrible.

You do not come across as arrogant at all btw.

No I work in the NHS. I just find it odd and do wonder if it's me but I've never had problems in the 10 years I've been working for nhs so this is a bit odd

Some workplaces are just nasty. I temped in one a decade ago and it was horrible - public sector, and a couple went out of their way to deny funding to people fully entitled if they didn't apply absolutely correctly in every way. So if they didn't tick the right box, because they didn't know they needed to, they could lose thousands in grants. And the bitchiness was terrible. I wondered if it was because there were huge redundancies, though. So displaced anger and nastiness. Is there a lot of pressure with your work due to cuts?

For an nhs job it's actually nice and should be a lovely job. Cuts aren't affecting us at present. I think some people just love atmosphere

This is the reason that aged 50 I'm thinking I will never work for anyone again. Just become self employed as I think life is too short for this kind of crap.
There is more bulling in the workplace now than ever before.

FWIW the first thing I thought is 'I bet she works in the NHS'.

It's awful prick. I want to do bank work so I don't get involved in politics it's horrible

The manager sounds quite unprofessional.

But on the other hand, if she were to say...encourage them to go down the formal complaint/grievance route, you might be upset that it got that far without her at least giving you the 'heads up' and chance to make amends (if indeed any amends need to be made).

It's possible that she feels telling you 'unofficially' is the fairest thing to do at this point.

Or she could be a big, unprofessional old gossip. Who knows?

God knows. It's just odd I wish I'd chosen another career at times but maybe everywhere is just the same now?

If you are an nurse; there are so many other opportunities for work. Perhaps you have been unlucky enough to have been teamed with a toxic bunch of people.

I think so prick. I'm due to have IVF in the coming months so feel like I can't leave the job when im likely to need time off