My manager told me my colleagues dislike me !

[SparklySlippers]

Hello. Hope you're all ok. Today I was being assessed at work. We were having some down time after the assessment and she told me my colleagues email her moaning about me. Basically they think I'm lazy and arrogant. For the record I am neither and I know I'm not. I've never had bad feedback in any job and always got on with colleagues for god sake I married one of them! I'm in shock and quite pissed off. I'm quite an anxious person so this has set me off. Aibu to be pissed off?

Wow your manger sounds very unprofessional.

Do bank work; pays a fortune ( sadly to the cost of the NHS) but hey, I'd do it. You don't need this crap.
I've been bullied at my last few posts after nearly 30 years of relatively stress free jobs.
You don't need the agro.
Get on the bank; work half the hours for more pay.

I may well do prick. I kind of want to stay at the level I'm at and be part of a team but I can't bear bitchy people

My workplace is generally quite chilled, everyone gets on for the most part and any personality clashes are dealt with up-front, but we had one real piece of work employed there for a handful of years who was an absolute terror. Desperate to be the centre of attention in any way, she slept with a (married!) colleage of course, it takes two to tango but the way she openly boasted of it was horrible hounded another for months, and was overly saccharine to everyone while complaining about them behind their backs. She went through a short phase of making utterly baseless complaints about me to some of the managers who, luckily, knew it was baseless (the reason she turned on me was because I got along well albeit completely platonically! with a coworker she had a crush on. it was absolutely pathetic behaviour). Her final meltdown/bustup with management led to her flouncing out and never coming back earlier this year and the atmosphere in the whole place instantly lightened.

I never understand the need to cause a horrible atmosphere at work for the most part we have to see these people 5 days a week, 8 hours a day, sometimes even longer than that. People in their late 20s and older who revert to being playground bullies are utterly ridiculous. All you can really do is ignore and rise above it when you know there's no merit to what they're saying but I know that's easier said than done I'm quite an anxious person myself so this sort of thing can really upset me even when I know I haven't done anything wrong. They sound awful.

Thanks puddington she sounds foul! I have enough stress at present with the ivf coming up. I don't want them moaning I'm never there when I have appointments etc

Sparkly I work in the NHS & had this exact same thing happen to me 4 weeks ago.

Even down to the manager sitting me down to tell me what my team members were saying.

I was absolutely gutted & in tears. I am very sensitive & have always tried to support my team . It turned out to be one female who was stirring up the rest of the team - she was watching my every move for mistakes, put incident forms in about my work that led to me being reprimanded by the modern matron over something I did not do.

My name became so blackened that senior mgt were concerned that my presence within the team would affect a pending CQC visit !!! So they tried to move me !!! To a lesser post which I refused.

It was so stressful & upsetting that I considered handing in my notice to do bank work. But then weirdly my team did an about turn & ended up rallying for me stating that they could see what this other female was doing.

The upshot is that the other female is being moved.

My advice to you is that life is too short. NHS is notorious for bullying. Don't let this affect your health & wellbeing. Good luck

I totally sympathize OP. I also work for the NHS and it can be a total bitch fest sometimes. Also in the past had unprofessional manager who discussed peoples personal stuff like why they were off sick in he coffee room. She has since been moved... to the complaints dept!

And don't worry, I know I'm not liked. A few of us went off on maternity around the same time. The others got presents and buffets at work, I didn't even get a card. Am trying to get out of there but so far no luck.

If I can explain this correctly I'm not overly bothered they don't like me as that's life. I have friends outside of work. It's the level of bitchiness and how that's been conveyed. I gave up trying to get everyone to like me so I'm happier in that respect maybe it's shown too much?

Lotus and bear that's awful for both of you xx

Okay, so your manager has told you that she has been receiving emails moaning about you and you've been called 'lazy and arrogant'. But she also said that people think you're lazy because you don't show stress. Which implies that she does not think you're lazy and in fact she thinks you handle a stressful job well.

Did she otherwise give you good feedback on how you perform your job? It sounds to me a distinct possibility that she is perfectly aware the people complaining are being bitchy and unprofessional and behaving badly. Do you think it's possible she was just trying to open lines of communication with you on this issue? Finding out if it's a problem for you?

I once read an email from one colleague to another slagging me off saying I was lazy and couldn't do my job etc etc I went straight to my manager (who tells it like it is) to ask his opinion and he said from his point of view it was quite the opposite. I wasn't bothered in her opinion but was bothered if my manager thought this of me.

In my current workplace it is the least bitchiest place I've ever worked. People get on with what they have to do and everyone gets on. Any personality clashes (which are naturally bound to happen) are just sorted amongst colleagues (maybe manager intervention but if there is its dealt with quietly and doesn't disrupt others so Maybe I'm not aware of it). There is one girl who some think is lazy but I speak to her and she does some 'behind the scenes' work which colleagues may not be aware of. So, If you all do the same or similar role it's easy to compare yourself to a colleague and comment on laziness and the like.

As long as your manager doesn't believe this to be the case then ignore it.

Your manager sounds unprofessional passing this 'gossip' on and if there was grounds to what they say/said then he/she should pull you up on it rather than pass on the gossip.

Bill. I don't know if she was stirring it up or she believes this. She said I'm good at the job but she wants me to do more then listed all the things i need to do and I'm doing them. When I do work I don't shout or scream about it i get on with it as that's life isn't it?

Huh. Sounds like your manager is a shit-stirrer.
Either someone has emailed her with shitty comments (and I'd bet it IS just one) or she's decided she doesn't like you that much herself so she's projecting her feelings onto someone else.
OR she's a vicious control freak who likes to keep all her minions on the back foot by being suspicious of each other. (My great gran was like that at home - constantly setting her DD and DDIL against each other in similar fashion)

Sparkly - if it's the sort of job where you could sign for everything you do, then make sure you do sign everything you do!
My sister once got accused (working in retail) of not "doing anything" all day (because she just got on with her work and did it) and ended up keeping a daily work diary of what she'd done, so she had a record of her work. Soon stopped that line of complaint!

As soon as I read your OP i suspected you were in the NHS. I'm not sure why, but there seems to be some insidious bullshit in the NHS. It's so cliquey, I've worked on many wards and some people absolutely love me (even throwing me ward birthday parties etc) but then on the next ward down they can't stand me.

That manager sounds unprofessional, and that's another thing that doesn't shock me as I see more and more people with fuck all management experience and learning yet manage to band up because they've been there donkeys and got in with the clique

Please don't take it to heart. I would probably be asking for clarification and actual constructive criticism so you can improve (if there's need to) instead of bitchy rubbish. I'd also want all that documented somewhere

Thanks ladies. I'm just going to keep my head down and do the job from now on. I'll be professional but anything else I can't be arsed with

It's not you, it's them. It sounds like the colleagues are more concerned with appearing to work hard than just getting on with it. I've experienced that in (non-NHS) workplaces too. I think you sound straightforward, not "arrogant". I also wonder if you're more introverted than others in the team as you've said you don't outwardly display stress. Unfortunately some people misunderstand this personality trait as "arrogant" as they only understand people like themselves. But that's about them, not you.

Optiona I think it may be true. I think get in and get on with it. I don't want to discuss things we can't change ie work load or patient type or spend an hour discussing where to put a piece of paper FFs!

Are you in Mental Health OP? The amount of bitching and backstabbing that goes on in MH is ridic. Never known anything like it. Ironic really

Lol no I'm not . I'm an adult nurse. Suppose there's biatches everywhere!

Nurses are the best and the worst.

The only plus side is that in the future you have countless places to spread your wings.

I don't think you have to leave it there.... I think you can go in and see your manager on Monday (or, better, email her over the weekend, so then it's in writing), restate what she's told you and ask her (as this is an appraisal situation) if there's anything you should be doing differently so that you don't get this criticism.

If your manager comes back and says you don't need to do anything differently, ask her (a) then why did she feel the need to tell you and upset you so badly (because you have the right to express your feelings) and (b) what she's going to do to address the complainant(s) if their allegations have no basis in reality.

But do be ready for her to say "you need to do x, y, z differently", and if she DOES say that, please be open to it.
Or, as you've said, find another job where you are better appreciated.

Horrible thing to happen to you. I hope you are ok.

Hmm, she qualified the comment about lazy and arrogant by saying something which sounds very much like she disbelieves it and thinks you're professional. She said you're good at your job.

She listed things you have to do which you're already doing. OP, I suspect that list is quite probably a list which has come straight from the bitchers because it's what they claim you are not doing and should be and she's giving you a chance to answer.

If she's not given it to you already, ask for a written list of these items. Respond to it by detailing how you are already completing these tasks and offer to continue to update her to demonstrate that you are doing them. Cover your back. But it sounds to me like she may well be onside with you. So don't panic, but cooperate. After all, you are not the one leaving after 8 months!