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AIBU?

To be sad my DD has to wear glasses?

149 replies

SheStoodInTheStorm · 26/08/2016 17:04

I know I probably am, and her vision is more important that her appearance but I am sad.

She has big beautiful eyes that I think will just look silly behind lenses.

I worry about her wearing them at nursery and being different to most other children.

I am fretting about getting her to keep them on.

Neither me or DH wear glasses so I am wondering if I have done something wrong to cause her needing them! I didn't go about her vision, I went as she sometimes turns her eye in for a few seconds.

I know I probably am BU and perhaps am posting here expecting most of you to tell me to get a grip.

Anyone else felt this way?

OP posts:
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MapleandPear · 27/08/2016 03:10

YANBU- I think you are getting an unnecessarily hard time on here, OP.

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LostQueen · 27/08/2016 03:17

My DD got glasses a few days before re her 4th birthday. I wasn't sad about it but sometimes when she takes them off at bed time etc I take an extra long look at her because sometimes I miss what her face looked like without them! She does look adorable with them though and I'm sure your DD will too. It will be an adjustment but you might be surprised at how quickly you get used to seeing her with them.

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FairyDogMother11 · 27/08/2016 03:51

I've worn glasses since I was 12, my mum always wore glasses as did the majority of my family so it was only a surprise it took as long as that for it to happen. My partner has been wearing glasses since he was 4. His mum gushes about how cute he was with his little glasses whenever she sees an old photo of him Grin
As for not seeing her eyes, that's not going to be an issue. I still wear eye makeup because you can still make out my eyes through the glass just about Wink you'll soon get used to it!

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sashh · 27/08/2016 06:24

My dad said recently he was sad when I first got my glasses, which possibly explains me complaining for 2 years about not being able to see the board at school.

I should have had them as a toddler, I was about 10 when I finally got them. I started using contacts at about 13 and have switched between the two ever since.

BTW there are some opticians who will prescribe contacts to small children.

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Booboostwo · 27/08/2016 07:03

My mother cried when I first got glasses, she said I had ruined my face and that wearing glasses would make my nose large and curved (WTF?!). She strongly encouraged me not to wear them. I remember when I finally got contact lenses my surprise at how sharp and in focus the world looked, the crazy woman had made me go round half blind for most of my childhood.

I am not suggesting you are such an extreme case OP but my mother's problems came from her body image issues and her lack of self-esteem which she was projecting onto me. We are responsible for our feelings, we can critically examine them, work to figure out what gives rise to them and, if inappropriate, recognise this which goes a long way towards extinguishing them. If you feel glasses make your DD look silly, ugly or deformed it's worth rethinking how you feel about your self.

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pollyblack · 27/08/2016 10:00

I think this is a big problem, I thought cause my son had had an eye test at nursery which was fine that that was that. But I took him for an eye test at age 7 and his eyesight was quite bad, the worst thing being that there is a window of up to 8yrs of age where quite a lot of correction can be made, so he was right at the end of that and consequently he will probably have to always wear glasses. However he looks great in them and doesn't mind wearing them at all. For times he doesnt want to wear glasses he has just had a contact lens trial so he might decide to get contacts.

I definitely think parents should be made aware of the need for eye tests as a priority, the same way as we get info about immunisations, smears etc, I think you should just be sent a compulsory appointment for a test as you are with other medical things.

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Rowgtfc72 · 27/08/2016 10:13

Dd has worn glasses since she was three, she got them on her third birthday in fact. She also had crazy patches as she had a squint.

The kids at school thought she was cool and the orthoptist told us its not a " thing" to the kids at that age. We've been told as they are a week prescription she may not need them in later life as they may correct the squint.

Well done on getting your daughter's eyesight checked. Dds behaviour and development improved when she could see that little bit better. Shes still your little girl, youll both get used to the glasses in time. Dd is nine now and doesn't look right without them.

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dementedpixie · 27/08/2016 10:14

A trip to the optician should be of the same importance as a trip to the dentist. And they should get tested annually too as eye problems can occur at any time. Dd wears glasses and always will. Ds had them for a very short time with a small prescription and doesn't need them any more. Both have an annual eye test and the optician sends us a recall letter.

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rockyroad3 · 27/08/2016 10:18

I worry about her wearing them at nursery and being different to most other children.

Hmm

My dd needed glasses, a very strong prescription only in one eye, so you can imagine one eye now looks much bigger than the other. I hate the frame that she chose too, really big and chunky, they remind me of the NHS ones circa 1960. However they were her choice, she loves them, it is important that she feels good about herself so I have stayed schtum.

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rockyroad3 · 27/08/2016 10:21

My mother cried when I first got glasses, she said I had ruined my face and that wearing glasses would make my nose large and curved (WTF?!)

I wonder did I meet your mother a few weeks ago?! She was telling me that wearing glasses would damage my dd's nose, so I shouldn't let her get used to them. Yes, I would much prefer my dd to have a perfect nose than be blind in one eye Hmm

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SusanneLinder · 27/08/2016 10:23

As a child growing up in the 70's, I hated wearing glasses. Move to early 00's, my DD cried because they told her she didnt need them, and she wanted to be Harry Potter..Grin.
She is almost 18 now, does need them, and has contacts for nights out, but during day doesn't bother, and wears her glasses most of time. Now they are a fashion accessory

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RaisingSteam · 27/08/2016 10:31

Well MN is here for getting things like that off your chest that you can't say to the people involved!

I have worn glasses since age 10 but probably needed them sooner.
For your DD you just need to nail a smile on your face and tell her she will look smart and beautiful in her glasses and most importantly her fuzzy and probably slightly scary world is going to come into focus and come alive to her. She's not going to be wondering why she can't see and do what the other children can.

There is no point leaving your glasses off for sport if you can't see the ball/racket or person coming!

Good luck both Smile

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Phaedra11 · 27/08/2016 10:48

OP, I understand. I was upset at first when DS1 was first found to need glasses. I tried to talk to other people about and no-one understood. I wear glasses and contacts myself.

I quickly got used to it. DS1 also got used into it. He's now 18 and considered contacts but decided against it.

Since then there have been more serious issues in the family and I can hardly believe that it is something that concerned me, but for a short while it did. It is understandable and it will pass.

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Phaedra11 · 27/08/2016 10:49

"Got used to it" not "got used into it"!

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furryminkymoo · 27/08/2016 10:58

Is she + or - prescription? It's only + that magnifies, even then it's only high prescriptions.

I have been wearing glasses since 11, needed them from an earlier age but didn't fess up as I didn't want to make a fuss.

It's really better to get them corrected now, with glasses. It may even improve her long term eye health.

Choose nice glasses rather the standard generic and have more than one pair. If she is blonde then blue frames look lovely?

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scarednoob · 27/08/2016 11:03

You'll get used to it very quickly, OP. I LOVED my friend's glasses when I was about 4, I was really jealous.

As an adult it's a pain in the arse needing them, but that will come to everyone eventually!

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maddiemookins16mum · 27/08/2016 11:42

I think you might be "overthinking" it. I was slightly disappointed when my DD needed glasses though but that was based on my own awful experiences of being a four eyed, goggled eyed, speccy four eyes, Joe 90* NHS wearing pink plastic frames child if the 70's. However, fast forward 45 years and DD is one of perhaps 6 girls/boys in her class with glasses. Lovely, trendy glasses (which she loves) and her experience of them is so very different to mine at that age. I was only initially disappointed because I would have hated her to suffer the same name calling she did.

  • These were just a selection of the names shouted at me at ten years old.
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hotdiggedy · 27/08/2016 14:39

Luckily, having to wear glasses as a child no longer seems to be an issue (maybe because there are now nice frames available unlike the free NHS ones that used to be available.)

I remember going to the opticians when I was around 13. My dad dropped me off and just left me to get on with it. I had the test, optician told me to choose glasses so I did. The frames were far too big for me but I had noone to advise me and I had no idea what I was doing, I just liked the colour! My dad came in and got really cross that i had chosen glasses that weren't free ( I had no idea there were free ones or that I was meant to take them) . He took great please in calling me speccy four eyes for years and making fun out of my short sightedness despite the fact that he himself needed glasses for distance and my brother had terrible eyesight in one eye and needed an operation on it, eye patches, glasses, the whole shabang, when he was around 5 years old. Of course, that was not to be talked about in a bad way at all.

Luckily, I don't think it's like that anymore!

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DeadGood · 27/08/2016 20:05

I'm struggling to articulate this but will try:

The OP is not suggesting that she is going to withhold glasses for her child.

She is not suggesting that it would be better for her child to look good than be able to see.

She is simply saying that she wishes her child didn't need glasses at all.

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2kids2dogsnosense · 27/08/2016 20:12

I got glasses when I was eight. I had needed them since starting school as I couldn't see the board but my mam couldn't bear the thought of her little girl in specs. The result was that my eyesight deteriorated and I fell furthering further behind the class.

Forgetting the practical aspects, I have seen many small children of both sexes in glasses - and they look GORGEOUS! I always tell them that and that they also look clever. Harry Potter has done a lot for specs - she won't be mocked.

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Lelloteddy · 27/08/2016 20:16

I understand that it's a knee jerk reaction OP and that of course you won't stop her from wearing glasses.

But as a fully signed up glasses wearing family (including siblings, cousins etc who all has glasses from a very young age), your initial attitude does rankle. It's very superficial and for many people, it does rub off on their kids. If your own children wear glasses, it may affect them ( my optician was busy consoling a sobbing woman over her four year old needing glasses whilst said four year old was sat beside her last time I was in ) . And it's people's attitudes that glasses aren't cool or aesthetic, or somehow sympomatic of some sort of flaw that can also rub off on their kids. And it's those kids who can make life miserable for school mates wearing glasses.

I really CANNOT fathom even your kneejerk reaction OP but it's so common and that's what the unreasonable thing is.

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bikerlou · 27/08/2016 20:19

My son's worn glasses all his life, it's no big deal. She can get contact lenses when she's older.

Just remember to get her a glasses strap for PE and outdoor activities, I was not pleased when my son lost his glasses in the lake.

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OhTheRoses · 27/08/2016 20:28

I had glasses the first week back to school when I was seven. I'd struggled a bit tvs hool and didn't know what everyone else was doing really. After a few weeks I cottoned on to the connection between sounds and letters. I still remember Miss O'Leary taking me through the different colour Janet and John's in an afternoon and giving me a proper book called "Days in the Sun" to read over the weekend. I finished it that night and didn't stop reading for several years.

The other thing I remember I my mother saying I'd have the blue NHS spectacles because the pink ones were for pretty blonde girls. I'm 56 now and that's stayed with me all my life.

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Booboostwo · 27/08/2016 20:28

rockyroad3 did she recommend spending hours pushing the nose upwards to avoid the 'problem'? If yes it was definitely my mum! To this day if anyone squashes my nose down I need to 'correct' it with a couple of upwards pushes (even writing this has made me stop and give my nose a reassuring upwards push).

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