To be sad my DD has to wear glasses?

[SheStoodInTheStorm]

I know I probably am, and her vision is more important that her appearance but I am sad.

She has big beautiful eyes that I think will just look silly behind lenses.

I worry about her wearing them at nursery and being different to most other children.

I am fretting about getting her to keep them on.

Neither me or DH wear glasses so I am wondering if I have done something wrong to cause her needing them! I didn't go about her vision, I went as she sometimes turns her eye in for a few seconds.

I know I probably am BU and perhaps am posting here expecting most of you to tell me to get a grip.

Anyone else felt this way?

[Crusoe]

Totally unreasonable. Why on earth would you be upset your dd has to wear glasses?
I have worn glasses since I was 5 and my son since he was 3. It hasn't made either of us some kind of less attractive people.
I am grateful everyday for the opticians skill and knowledge and for glasses so I can see and enjoy life. Of all the difficulties and challenges people face in life wearing glasses is nothing, nothing at all.
Seriously get a grip.

[Tutuloves]

I'm very glad you posted this as it prompted me to look up eye tests online for our daughter before she starts school. DH and I are both short sighted and I read online there's a 60 percent chance of her being short sighted if we both are. Makes me sad to think of her needing glasses (yes mainly for shallow reasons) but would hate for her to not be able to see even more. So thanks for posting this.

[RaspberryOverload]

OP, just be glad she'll be able to see.

I was 7 before I got glasses, and it turned out I was incredibly short sighted and should have had glasses long before.

I think the school had eventually had a word with my parents to suggest an eye test would be useful. I'd been sat in different places around the class to see if that made any difference to being able to see what was written on the board, to no avail. And I was extremely clumsy as a result of having poor distance judgement without glasses. Something I still have an issue with today, 40 years later.

And yet, my parents should have cottoned on to something being wrong. One was very long sighted, the other very short sighted, so when they kept telling me to move back from the TV as I'd "hurt my eyes", you'd think they'd realise I might have a problem when I yelled that I couldn't see it. When I put that first pair of glasses on, I had an amazing moment of "OMG, so this is what the world really looks like" clarity.

So OP, the glasses are the right thing, and as others have said, you can some great ones for kids, as both of mine now know for themselves .

[StillNotANewUser]

Getting glasses as a child stands out as one of my absolute favourite memories, the feeling of being able to see was just incredible (admittedly, I wish I'd been taken to the opticiains before I was 10!).

There are loads of cool glasses out there and when she's older she can get contacts or surgery if she wishes - YABU.

[BestZebbie]

If you are worried about her appearance in terms of wearing glasses making her less attractive - by the time she is old enough to want to be sexy, she could probably start wearing contacts if she felt it was an issue. As a child, nobody will think twice about the glasses.

[Unhappyhousehunting]

My DD has worn glasses since she was 18months old- she is also long sighted and has an eye that turns. I went through a brief period of feeling sad for her as I assumed there would be a difficult road ahead but she took to them straight away and also took wearing a patch in her stride. Lots of kids wear specs now and it's good if sight problems get picked up as early as possible. It will all be fine.

[Littlegreyauditor]

You are already ahead of most parents, OP as you took your daughter to have an eye test. I think it's almost 6 in 10 parents who have never considered it, despite it being an invaluable health check as well as a vision check. Imagine how many children struggle at school because they can't see and don't realise that what they do see isn't normal? Then consider how it affects their education, their confidence and their whole future.

Well done, honestly. You have done nothing wrong and a few misgivings about the idea of specs will pass. It's completely normal to feel a bit gunked when you are told there is something amiss and your child needs help. You aren't passing your misgivings on, and that's what matters.

You have noticed a problem and gone about solving it. Be kind to yourself.

[dizzygirl1]

I was heartbroken when my dad needed glasses (especially as I hadn't picked up on it, the sight test at school did!). I'be when glasses since I was 8 and my sight is really really bad now. So for me the upset was more the knowledge of what she'll have to grow up with -issues, bullying, wearing glasses and life in general with glasses. Now she's been wearing them for 4 years and she wouldn't be the same without them but she still has problems and I dread to think how bad her sight will end up because of me. So I do think you are BU for looks but you are NBU for the fact that she may need them for the rest of her life x

[Ericaequites]

Your daughter will love being able to see clearly. I am very myopic, and have had glasses since I was 5. My mother remember my calling out, "There's water under the bridge, Mommy". This was on the way home from the eye doctor. I'd seen pictures of bridges in books, but coukdn't make much out in real life.
If at all possible, have two pairs made, and keep one in a safe place in case they get broken or lost.

[OlennasWimple]

I hate that I have to wear glasses, and am so pleased that (so far) neither DC needs them

[GinAndSonic]

It is worrying to think your child might look or feel different to their peers but glasses are such a minor thing. My son is growing non cancerous tumours in his neck and scalp and I'm worried that as he grows older he will grown ones that are more visible. Appearance isn't everything but it's normal to want your child to not stand out in any way that could make them feel uncomfortable or be a target for bullying. You are a bit unreasonable to be worried about something as common place as glasses but I understand that it's not about the glasses so much as about being different. So on that front, not unreasonable, so long as your daughter doesn't know about your fears.

[phoenix1973]

Yanbu
I felt like we had been punched when I heard DD needed glasses at age 4.
I had all these classes planned for her life, gymnastics, karate and due to her complex prescription and the fact that one eye is terribly short sighted, the optometrist advised against contact sports. To avoid any risk of damaging the good eye. So yes, that's a bit shit for her. I did mourn the loss of the well rounded skills I had envisaged her obtaining.
However, I said nothing to my child.
We just told her, at least you will now be able to see and let's choose some great princess frames.
We also have a nasty disease in our family called retinitis pigmentosa which means my brother is now blind.
so I'm always scared she could have this lurking.
She is beautiful, strong, confident, an excellent singer and always gives 100% in all she does. She is a creative girl who writes amazing books and draws beautifully. She is an inspiration. Luckily she's tougher than her mum.

[ComedyBoobs]

Of course YABU!!!!!!
My DS wears glasses , his eyes are still beautiful

[liz70]

I wear glasses. My DH wears glasses. DD1 wears glasses. DD2 wears glasses. DD3 will probably need to wear glasses some time soon.

Yes, YABU.

[Sparkyduchess]

I got my first glasses (pink plastic national health frames) in 1973, right after my 3rd birthday. It's my earliest memory - I walked out of the opticians overwhelmed at how clear, sharp and bright everything was (and weirdly, how LOUD everything was).

I can understand you being a little sad that she needs glasses, but it's really not a negative thing, I'm sure she looks lovely ( unlike those of us who had 1970s specs).

[Horispondle]

My DD has beautiful big eyes that always get commented on. When she got prescribed glasses my FIL said 'yer no puttin glasses on that wean are ye'! As if I had decided it was the latest accessory . But I can honestly say she looks fantastic in glasses! She had eye surgery and didn't have them on for a while and when she put them back on I just though, ahh, there's my girl. Some people just suit glasses!

[ShtoppenDerFloppen]

phoenix I have no idea what insane world your optometrist is coming from.

DD is an active member of baseball and sledge hockey teams, takes karate and competes in track and field as well as rhythmic gymnastics. All with her high prescription.

I have never in my life heard of an optometrist saying that a child should be excluded from contact sports because they require glasses.

[phoenix1973]

Her eyesight is -14.75 in one eye, +0.25 in the other.
If she suffers damage to the + eye she will have serious issues.

[FeckinCrutches]

Your optom is absolutely right to recommend that Phoenix.

[ShtoppenDerFloppen]

But there is protective eyewear available for all contact sports (it is usually mandatory).

Furthermore, I can assure you without hesitation that gymnastics is not a contact sport.

[Frockingst]

YABU. My mother was sad that I had to wear glasses and although she thought she hid it from me, I could tell mummy was sad as children can.

Although it was never a huge deal at all, more like a small issue that was hidden under the carpet but nevertheless I grew up with the feeling that when it came to my eyes, having to wear glasses meant that I had failed in some way.

Don't forget that some children are very sensitive and pick up on subtle emotions a lot more than you might give them credit for.

[jellybeans]

Yabu

I had a friend once who said to me she was devastated as her DD had to wear glasses. Deep down I was flabbergasted. I had 2 DDS; one didn't live as she was too prem and the other had severe genetic problems and was stillborn.

Another son, we were told he could have severe brain damage..when I found out he had to wear glasses and have eye surgeries It was no big deal to me at all. People have told me it is different for boys but not really. He was teased mercifully for a visual condition (not glasses) so boys can suffer too over appearance.

So maybe it is because I have been through all that that I say yabu

I wear glasses and they are annoying so can see that can be a problem but they really are so common and even fashionable now. Gone are the days of speccy four eyes jokes from back in the day.

But we all worry for our kids so I can sort of see where you are coming from. She will be absolutely fine.

[lazyminimoo]

it's sad of course I felt a bit sad to when my son needed them you want your child to not have anything wrong with them. I didn't want to cover his gorgeous face up but soon we got used to it alot of kids are wearing them it's nothing odd. If my son hasn't got his glasses on I think he looks strange now. I think he looks cuter with them actually lol and when he was 1 and 2 yr old it seemed like strangers would comment more on how cute he was then befire he had glasses .

[Seren85]

My mum sobbed when I got glasses. I was 7 and had apparently been cheating at the school eye tests to hide a lazy eye. She felt incredibly guilty as it was too late too fix it. She's still obsessed with my eyesight (I'm now 31). You ANBU to be sad but I'm sure your daughter will look adorable. I did in my specs and now I have cats eye 50s style ones, people pay money for clear glass because glasses can be super cute. And its best for her, of course.

[Imaginosity]

I know how you feel but you will get used to it.

When my DS was diagnosed with aspergers I was so upset because I worried what it might mean for him being different from others his age. I was worried that other children would notice and say something about it to him and make him feel bad. It just felt very unfair that his life might be in any way harder than that of other children his age.

As time passed we've got totally used to it and realised it wasn't such a big deal after all. He is very happy. Other children have been accepting of his differences. I wouldn't want him to be any other way now.