To be a bit gutted that DS is now not going to uni and has got a full-time job in Sainsbury's?

[Smartphones]

People may think I'm being harsh, but hear me out.

DS did good in his GCSEs, he went on and failed his AS levels, so they told him that he had to leave. We then paid for him to have private tutoring (a lot of bloody money) and he sat his exams as a private candidate, he did really well - B, B, B, C (after 2 years of the tutoring). He was going to a great uni to study psychology (wanted to be a counsellor). He literally came to me this morning and has told me that he has pulled out of uni, as he has recently got the job for Sainsbury's (I knew he had gone for an interview, but I thought it would just be part-time) but no, he wants to work his way up and become a manager there, etc.

I'm not getting it. We supported him with those whole extra 2 years of A levels, so he could go on to do his whole dream of being a counsellor. Now he has just thrown that all away? I'm actually really gutted!

My eldest son failed his 'A'levels 5 years ago and basically sat in his room for a year.
Then suddenly he got a job at Aldi, enrolled at college got a BTec and now he's about to embark on his 3rd year at Uni, aged 24.
I'm so proud of him. I didn't think those few years ago, that anything would become of him (dear tuned to work forever in a supermarket),but he is working hard, and worked in a bar all summer. So getting work experience too.
Maybe this will happen for your son. Or maybe he'll get into management at Sainsburys. Try not to worry.

*destined not dear tuned

Only on MN is BBBC at A-level seen as an 'OK' result!

Thanks all,

Essential, I think his results are amazing, considering he got Us across the board, when he was actually at school sixth form. He wasn't at school, he just had tutoring at home and I'm very proud of his achievements.

I don't mind him working there forever, that was never an issue, I just felt like those years and money to get him his a levels was a bit of a waste, but now I see that it isn't. I definitely didn't push him to go to uni, I only did everything I could for him to get there because I knew that's what he wanted. I always said to him he'd make a really good (job role here that doesn't really need any qualifications) but he's the one that wanted to do it, not me.

Thanks all,

Essential, I think his results are amazing, considering he got Us across the board, when he was actually at school sixth form. He wasn't at school, he just had tutoring at home and I'm very proud of his achievements.

I don't mind him working there forever, that was never an issue, I just felt like those years and money to get him his a levels was a bit of a waste, but now I see that it isn't. I definitely didn't push him to go to uni, I only did everything I could for him to get there because I knew that's what he wanted. I always said to him he'd make a really good (job role here that doesn't really need any qualifications) but he's the one that wanted to do it, not me.

That's the thing though, smart - I didn't mean to put the boot in about his grades but I'd worry that if those are the results he's getting after two years of individual attention, then there's a risk he could do poorly in a university environment where he's one of dozens/hundreds.

He has learned how to go from Us to achieving something and that will be useful whatever he does in the future.

Do not underestimate how much going to Uni and it not working out is a kick in the teeth of your self confidence - and there is still all that money to pay back. He can always do it later.

My mantra to my dc throughout GCSEs and A levels and beyond has always been to try and keep as many doors open as possible. Your ds certainly isn't closing any doors by taking the job. I do understand how you feel but he has some very respectable A levels to his name now and he will have some excellent employment to put on his CV.

3 years ago, the night before his A level results DS1 decided he wasn't going to uni. He got AAA but said he was following his dream of joining the army. He deferred the place for a year, while he went through the application process. I wasn't disappointed in the least. It's the best thing he's ever done and I've never seen him as happy.

Maybe your son is taking time to get his thoughts together? He might think that he won't cope with uni as he needed so much tutoring to get through his A levels Or he might just want a year out to mature a bit and save some money. That's not a bad thing. Uni isn't the be all and end all of life.

Let him work in Sainsbury's and he may still change his mind when he realises he will be staking shelves for a while before any career progression.

you need to congratulate him on his job and let him follow his own path, but make sure he sees reality too.

That means paying a reasonable amount to you for rent/food etc, being independent buying own clothes, doing own laundry etc.

Once the shine wears of retail and he realises he cant afford the luxuries in life (gadgets/phone contracts/car and insurance etc) he'll start thinking of what to do next.

I know, it sounds hard after supporting him through his education, but he is still very young, education does not stop at 18. He might decide to continue later on when he is more mature. If he wants to do counselling, the more life experience, the better imho. I would like to become a clinical psychologist, and have a BA/good Msc in Health psychology, plus, at 40 some life experience under my belt. I think now, as I am older, I will make a better psychologist, than when I was in my early 20's, I have 2 kids with SN, one with ASD, and learning difficulties and the other with dev delay, I have worked with adults who have learning disabilities pre kids.

Mabey its better if he waits, and sees what he really wants to do, he can go to uni at any age if he wants.

A year of long hours, early starts and short holidays he may reconsider.

Good for him, ambition a career path and confident to speak his own mind and say enough I don't want X I want Y. That's your job done and done well I would be proud of him.

If he doesn't feel studying is for him, that's fair enough and it's a wise decision, he just needs to be sure of the career path Sainsburys can offer him.

If he's okay to study but he just thinks working is a quicker route to management, this is not necessarily the case.

If he gets a good degree he can get onto a graduate management scheme - and at that level the retailer can choose from the best group of students possible and the level of time and money invested in the graduate is higher, so the money can be pretty good, the training is varied and more structured and the career route is more certain. I'm not sure if Sainsburys do one but would be surprised if they didn't. It's an option.

Psychology is actually one of the most over subscribed courses in this country. A lot of people I've met in my years of working have completed and got brilliant grades at university in this subject, but have ended up in completely unrelated job roles because there is very very little opportunity open to you unless you are willing to take on a Masters or registered with the BPS and continue education. I'm not saying it's a "dead" degree, because it's not, and can lead into incredible things, but it's VERY common and as a consequence, there are far more graduates coming out with very high marks than there are job opportunities.

I think your son has actually made a pretty shrewd move. He can defer his place, or better still, remove his application and keep it on the back burner. He has a decent set of grades there, which he can use whether he's 18, 21 or 30. He won't have to restudy, unless he needs a higher grade. He will automatically be considered, and won't have to go through the conditional/unconditional fight that often stresses kids out.

He can work for a year, or two, or 3 weeks - either way, he's not sitting around doing nothing, and it will give him time to recharge after taking 4 A Levels - it sounds as if he's had a pretty intensive time of things and if I'm honest, I would actually recommend he doesn't go to University - he sounds as if more study/educational environment may tip him over the edge of jacking it all in together.

I get why you are gutted - you've paid money for private tuition and it must be a bit galling to hear him say he now wants to do something unrelated. But this is your son's life - his choice, not yours. If he needs to work for a year before realigning his plans (and btw, most 18 year olds I've met who pick Psychology as a degree, often end up wanting to do something entirely unrelated at 25), then what is wrong with that, really? He's working, he's ambitious. He sounds pretty switched on

PS - My brother is not a graduate and has worked his way up to be store manager. He's on a cracking wage - he started when he bombed out of Uni at 18 because he wasn't ready. He's now ready to go back to Uni and is going to do Politics, and with the savings he has combined with the perks he's received, he can do it far, far more easily than he could have done at 18

Neither of my kids went straight to Uni. My daughter had several jobs including a high flying year as B.A. Cabin Crew, and now at 21 she has decided she wants to go to Uni and will be starting next month Likewise my son, just going into his third year aged 23.

I won't tell you how old I was when I did my degree, but it was a lot older than either of my kids. I did all sorts before then.

They change their minds all the time - a couple of years at Sainsbury's and he might get pissed off, or he might do really well and end up with a great career.

He's making a choice now , but it doesn't mean it's forever.

I used to work in HR for one of the big supermarkets. The best and most successful and well liked store managers were the ones who had started off as shelf fillers/trolley collectors/cashiers. I had access to regional salary data at the time (10-15yrs ago) and the experienced store managers were all earning £60k+ with some of them on over £100k.

People on MN tend to write off retail jobs as crap but there is definitely the potential for good earnings in the long run.

I think he's clever - he won't have a massive debt for a degree that won't really help him be a counsellor. He can do voluntary work and start doing part-time counselling courses while at Sainsbury's and that will be much more help to him.

Can he defer his place for a year and give Sainsbury's a bash for that time?

I'd suggest this. A year in retail may make him think twice. He'll be able to hold a place for next year and gain some work/life experience (and maybe put some money aside) in the meantime.

Let him do it.

Either he will perform brilliantly at his job and it'll be all he hopes so he's building experience with an enterprise brand company, or it'll be a short, sharp shock and a motivator to revise his plan, head to uni and do his absolute best.

Speaking from experience, because this is very near to what I did. He's lucky to have you, to have helped him get a great set of grades, and they're not going to "expire" -- he has time.

Aww smartphones you made me well up a bit you clearly want what is best for your son like we all do for our Dc but your time effort and money was not wasted he got his Alevels which probably got him his job he has a plan which he is aiming for you helped him do that lovey

I left school nine years ago without the Highers I needed to go to uni and took a job in financial services on £10k a year. I moved into general admin and then finally university admin. I've moved up two pay grades since 2012 and am earning more than any of my friends, all of whom went to uni. Only one person got a job in the field they studied and everyone else either took entry level admin/retail jobs or has gone back to education to retrain.

I've just got my HNC after two years of evening classes and I start a part time degree next month, entering at third year. Not going to uni at 18 isn't the end of the world.

I do think kids are pushed to aim for university these days it really isn't for all kids imo people can build careers without degrees and having a job is fine

Another one sending huge congratulations to your son for turning his A levels around, and for getting a job and for making a really sensible life decision for himself.

University will always be there but a year or two working first isn't ever a bad thing. And if he decides not to go at all, he has already shown that he is capable of making sensible decisions for himself, rather than following the crowd down the expected route.

(And yes, I too was a little at the idea of a psychology degree being the best route to being a counsellor. There are, as others have said above, much better routes, if that is still his dream - and having another way of earning his living is essential, whilst developing a counselling career. Or this way he can have another career, train as a counsellor and do part-time/voluntary counselling.

Be very proud of your young man. Best of luck to him.