To be a bit gutted that DS is now not going to uni and has got a full-time job in Sainsbury's?

[Smartphones]

People may think I'm being harsh, but hear me out.

DS did good in his GCSEs, he went on and failed his AS levels, so they told him that he had to leave. We then paid for him to have private tutoring (a lot of bloody money) and he sat his exams as a private candidate, he did really well - B, B, B, C (after 2 years of the tutoring). He was going to a great uni to study psychology (wanted to be a counsellor). He literally came to me this morning and has told me that he has pulled out of uni, as he has recently got the job for Sainsbury's (I knew he had gone for an interview, but I thought it would just be part-time) but no, he wants to work his way up and become a manager there, etc.

I'm not getting it. We supported him with those whole extra 2 years of A levels, so he could go on to do his whole dream of being a counsellor. Now he has just thrown that all away? I'm actually really gutted!

It is indeed his life.

What he learnt/his qualifications will be there for the rest of his life.

Who knows where his experiences will lead him?

You supported him to get his qualification and have thereby widens his choices in life. You should feel pleased and proud - of you and him.

I wish I'd done that instead of going to uni (through clearing, with one a level) just because it seemed that was what you did after college. I didn't know what I wanted to do but the general message I got was "you must go to uni".

There were a few reasons I dropped out of uni, not all due to myself, but if I could go back and tell my 18 year old self not to go to uni, I would. My heart wasn't really in it, I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life and I just sort of trundled along for a year not really doing anything. I left, got a full time job and had a plan, similar to your sons. I've changed my mind since, but it helped focus me.

I'm studying with the OU now, and I love it, but it took me a long time to feel like I was going to be good enough at studying. I think I would have gone back to studying sooner if I hadn't felt like I'd 'failed' at going to uni.

And when I was at uni, my course had a fairly wide range of ages of students. Although a good chunk were 18, there were quite a few older students. Life experience and work experience will help him if/when he decides to do further study.

My DD got AACC without tutoring and pulled out of uni with a shedload of debt and no qualification.

Sainsbury's sounds good to me

His options are open - he can do a degree later if he wants.

My DD has run out of funding, so stuffed. Would be very happy with a job in Sainsbury's at the moment.

Seems to be a lot of sneering on this thread. I think it's hugely impressive that he's found a job, and that he sees it as a first step on his career ladder. i would be really proud of him.

Dd did this. Half way through a social work course she packed it in and went to become a waitress. Roof was hit. I calmed down overnight and thought how my mother had pushed and interfered. With that I apologised and told her I'd support her.

Fast forward almost a year. She spent a lot of time in the kitchens and showed great interest. This was noticed by the chef. She's now at college on day release and a commis chef. She's incredibly happy and I'm proud of her (though I did choke on my tea when she told me as the leap from social worker to chef for a girl who'd never shown much interest in cooking was outstanding).

I guess what I'm saying is he'll find his feet. There is a lot to be said for being happy in this world and if he has the ambition to be a manager good on him.

It all comes good in the end.

I don't think he has thrown it all away. There are two scenarios...

a) He loves retail, works hard and goes up the ladder quickly. Saves an awful lot of student debt by not going to University.
b) He realises after a year that it's not what he really wants, applies to Uni with grades in hand and some life experience after what is essentially a working gap year or two.

A psychology degree in itself doesn't make for a wealthy career..an awful lot of post grad further study would be needed (tho it's a fab subject in itself). And it will still be available in a year or so's time.

Honestly..I have two who charged off to Uni at 18 (both to do NHS degrees) and one who didn't go ;and the one who didn't go is the one with least debt, a happy job, and currently busking round Australia. When he returns the qualifications he did through his work place will stand him in fab stead to move up his career path. He is a lot happier and less stressed than the junior doctor and the nurse....

No YANBU we've all got feelings and why shouldn't you have your's.

But cheer up. He'll still be able to go to uni if he gets fed up of Sainsbury's and retail mgmt, though hard work, isn't a bad start to a career. He won't have 50K's worth of debt to start his life with either.

It's a bit depressing at the moment, but it's by no means a disaster.

Well ask him to pay you back through his earnings.

Taking a year out to work might be a good thing, it will teach him he can't load about, be late and so on, then when he does and if he does go to uni he will have those principles instilled.

I think he sounds quite sensible actually. My brother in law works for a major supermarket and has done since he left school. He is now mid 30s and has a decent salary and job stability whereas my dh and some of his other siblings have faced low wages and redundancy many times despite being the ones with degrees / further education.

I think nowadays when graduates are amongst one of the groups with the highest unemployment and highest levels of debt that to have a full time job in a large company with career progression opportunity isn't a bad thing at all.

And he hasn't wasted the results he got - they're not going anywhere. They'll be on his cv forever and can be pulled out of the bag if she ever wants to retrain etc. They will also make him seem more attractive for promotion at work.

Well exactly he will always have his Alevels they are going nowhere

I can see why you're gutted. I would be too, tbh - mainly because I think university is such an incredible experience.

However, he certainly hasn't thrown your money away. I don't think he would be able to train to be a retail manager without A Levels would he? If he'd failed AS and then started working at Sainsburys with only GCSEs I don't think he would make it as far as he has the potential to do now.

So, he will either change his mind and go to uni a bit later or, if not, he has a whole tier of jobs open to him which GCSEs alone wouldn't give him.

He's working full time in a job that has potential to develop into a career in retail management. That's a good thing!

Incidentally, a psychology degree is a rare route into counselling. Full time, paid counselling work is very rare! Most counsellors have to do huge amounts of voluntary work and work a portfolio of part time and private clients. They also do a certificate/diploma in counselling. Psychology is useful if he wanted to then specialise in clinical psychology which is different to counselling. Most counselling courses are level 5 (below degree level) and can be done part time around paid work.

YANBU to be upset. I am sure this is disappointing for you and is not what you wanted for him. However, if this is what he has chosen to do, I would try to accept it and support him.

I say this as someone who did study psychology at university straight from school. Throughout my A-levels, I had a Saturday job which could have become a full time job. I wanted to stay there and work before going to uni as I had no idea what career path I actually wanted to choose and basically wasn't ready to go. My parents expected otherwise, so I ended up choosing psychology as it was a popular course, my parents wanted me to do it and I had got into a good university.

I spent my entire university life miserable. I didn't enjoy my course, resented being there, didn't go to many lectures. I used to phone my parents every week, crying, asking if I could drop out and come home and choose a different degree later on once I knew what I wanted, but they wanted me to stay. I was terrified of disappointing them so just stayed there. I ended up with a degree, but it was not as good a grade as I was capable of.

After I finished, I found it impossible to get a job in my field without a masters degree and still didn't know what career I wanted. I found a job within a high street chain and, like your son, wanted to work my way up to management. I worked there for over 2 years and did become a low level manager. However, by this time, with some actual life experience in a field outside education, I realised it wasn't for me. I did some work experience in different fields, discovered what I wanted to do and went back to university to do a post-graduate qualification. I now have a career I am happy with.

I think if he does stick with it an work his way up to management, great. However, with time, it is likely he will know more about what he wants to do with his life and will be able to make informed choices about what and where to study.

My DS dropped out of university.
He chose the wrong course.
It was a very expensive mistake.
I wish he had got a job until he worked out what he wanted to do.
Well done to your DS for having a work ethic and showing some initiative.

These days further education is accessible throughout life.
Another member of my family dropped out - again, the wrong course. worked in a shop for a while, did several other jobs, then did an open university degree and a masters and now has a high flying career.

If he was lying in bed all day you would be right to be concerned, but he isn't, he has gone out and got a job. Good for him.

As i said it took my friend years to train in councilling and she works very part time for a charity along side her regular job she does not regret it though its just not a lucrative career .

I went to uni then came back and worked for Sainsburys on their graduate management programme. I trained alongside non-graduates who were doing exactly the same as me but for about £4K less (this was in 1996) but they didn't have student loans to worry about paying back so were probably better off than me.

I had a year of being trained to work in various aspects around the store and at the end became a customer service manager (glorified bag-packer!).

It was all good experience but my heart didn't lie in retail so I left and went back to uni to train to be a teacher.

Your son will probably pick up a lot of life lessons whilst working for Sainsburys and he may decide he wants to pursue a career with them and get into their management programme. There might even be opportunities for him to continue with his education so at this point I wouldn't be too disappointed. University will always be there and this might be a way he can help to fund his studies in years to come. I'd be pleased he's decided to follow a particular route and isn't drifting along with something which isn't what he really wants to do (at the moment).

University isn't compulsory. Good for him for getting off the railroad into uni if that's what he's decided. I think all students should have to work for a year or two before they go to uni. Might make them grow up and actually study. Are you sure he ever wanted to go to uni or were you pushing him that way and he was saying what you wanted to hear?

I also think he has made a wise decision. Uni will always be there and he has the option of building up some savings before going and thus avoiding debt.
Or he might end up having a very good career with Sainsburys. There are so many options in a company like that - maybe the HR side of things might suit him and they could well fund further qualifications for him.

Honestly? I think it's a good thing.

B, B, B, C, after 2 years of private tutoring is an OK result rather than stellar. How would he cope at university by himself?

It's difficult to get a job with a psychology degree without plenty of relevant experience - speaking as someone who did a Psych. masters before going into law.

I'm wary of someone with so little life experience (and presumably limited experience of counselling), wanting to train as a counsellor.

Counselling jobs are few and far between.

He may thrive in Sainsbury's and progress well, or not. He may have his first taste of being managed by someone inept and think fuck this for a game of soldiers, I'm going to uni, or reassess entirely.

There is no need to go to uni ASAP at 18, and in the circumstances I think he's doing a good thing.

Apologies if some of the above sounds harsh - this is how I see it.

My brother stuffed up his A levels....quite a few years ago (30!). He was working part time for Sainsburys during his A levels. They let him join the Management Training scheme. He's now manager of a big store, so he made it from the shop floor. He hasn't always enjoyed the job, but it's secure.

A family member has experience of retail management.

At some traditional retailers, eg M&S, opportunities to progress to store manager level or to head office roles is limited for those who did not join via the graduate management training program. I believe Sainsbury's used to be similar, but I'm not sure about nowadays. ( I understand ex-CEO Justin King made some big cultural changes to that business).

If this young man actually wants to work in a supermarket, he's done the right thing. If he wants to run a supermarket, or work as a buyer or marketer for a supermarket company, he may need a re-think.

He may just not feel ready for uni - DN is now at uni after a year working for M&S. He did get as far as starting uni straight after A levels but left after 3 weeks as he just couldn't cope with being away from home and the general level of independence expected. A year of working in retail demonstrated that it was not what he wanted to do for a career, but it enable him to start uni second time around with some life experience and a bit of money.

From my experience, couselling is incredibly difficult to get into as a career as paid posts are very rare and it's uncommon to make a well-paid career out of it.

Also, you definitely do not need a psych degree to get into counselling. You start off with a certificate course (which can be done in the evenings at some colleges) and then move on to foundation degrees etc., which he can probably work round his Sainsbury's shifts (as they will probably want him on a weekend so he'll have a day free in the week).

I actually think what he's doing is the best was to get into counselling; he can do it part time around his Sainsbury's hours and still have a stable wage to fall back on. He's not in any debt from uni and he's earning straight away!

Psychology degrees a really common nowadays (again, said from experience) and they're really a bit if a waste unless you want to become a chartered psychologist.

I am a very highly qualified counsellor. I too left education at 18 and went into retail. Within 12 years I had worked my way up to store manager and made the switch to financial services running a high street building society branch and earning very good money. I needed that good financial start in life because counselling is VERY VERY poorly paid.

When he is old enough to start counselling training (and a lot of places won't consider anyone under 25 or even 30 to have enough life experience to be a suitable trainee) a back ground in retail mixing with many different people will be at least as useful to him as a degree in psychology.