14 years working in a dept and not even a cheap bunch of flowers

[tupperwareAARGGH]

Massively outing myself here but....

I have just left a department that I worked in for 14 years and wasn't even given a cheap bunch of flowers. 14 years!!!

I've contributed to many peoples leaving presents and I didn't even get a card from the department either. I did get a card from the team I worked with last night but nothing from the whole department.

Its made me feel very sad and upset when I know I shouldn't let it get to me and YES, YES I know I should never expect people to buy me something but nothing, nothing after such a long time.

I'm being unreasonable to be upset by this aren't I??

[KoalaDownUnder]

KERALA if that's how you feel, that's fine. However, I think you'll find that you're in the minority.

People spend upwards of 7 or 8 hours a day with their colleagues. That's more than any of us spend with even our closest friends. It's human nature to form relationships that go beyond 'We both toil in the same general location'.

People talk to each other at work, share breaks and snippets of their personal lives. When a nice colleague leaves, I want to show that they'll be missed for what they, personally, brought to the job.

OP, it is shit, but it's them not you. Buy yourself some chocolates and flowers.

[SpecialAgentSpartacusRoars]

I've never had a 'real' job, as in a career - jobs, yes, but I was quite a young mum to a disabled child, then the twins, plus chronic pain issues. Many of my closest friends are from old workplaces.
That is normal, surely? the rest are university friends or friends I made after having children.

Is that odd?

Now I'm paranoid.

[Ditsy4]

OP
That is awful. You have every right to feel upset.my boss gives people a beautiful bunch of flowers for going on maternity leave.
At the very least you should have been given a card and flowers. Thoughtless bunch. I bet you are the one who usually thinks to organise a whip round for people. Enjoy your new job and I hope they are more considerate people.

[TaLLyHOnellie]

Unless I do the collection's at my work (Nhs) then they don't happen. Everyone thinks and verbalises that it should be done but no-one actually does it.........except me.

I am fed up doing it and so I have said I'm not but then I feel bad for all the reasons given above and so I'll probably carry on.

A dear colleague left after 47yrs in the Trust - 30 of them in our department. Not one manager came to her leaving buffet on the last day or her meal out.

[Horsemad]

Our office busybody social secretary (in her eyes only, not an official role!) organises birthday/leaving collections.

For birthdays everyone pays in £2 and we write on a spreadsheet what we'd like - ie voucher for Next, M&S etc. Pretty pointless then when you don't receive the voucher you'd prefer... This has happened to me several times over the past few years and so I have now decided not to participate in the scheme.

I do not see the point of contributing to end up with something I cannot/wouldn't use when it is my birthday - I might as well save my money and spend it on myself in a place of my own choosing.

[BibiBlocksberg]

Shitty way to treat you OP & well done for saying something to the thoughtless twits!

Since April this year six people have left in my small office including two directors with 20 plus years under their belt.

I've organised cards, collections, pressies, leaving do's for all of them but it has been like herding a group of toddlers.

Some of the leavers were not connected to my department at all so naturally assumed the leavers team would organise something. When it became apparent that nothing had been organised and i chose to step in and asked the team for ideas of what to get there was a flood of suggestions - accompanied by comments of 'oh yes, we were discussing getting x months ago'

Well, did any of you think to take it further than the abstract discussion was met with silence.

As another poster said, many people would sooner remove all their toe nails than organise a leaving collection.

Tis shit though!

[phoenix1973]

That's sad. Yanbu I bet you're a good person.
Same thing happened to me. After 3 years 8 months in the same place and same department.
Makes you feel like shit but nothing to be done except realise how horrid they are and move on.
One lady gave me a nice card just from her, which I appreciated.
Ironically, that was the longest I have stayed in one place.
I've had other shorter jobs in which I received flowers, cards, money when I left.
3 months after I left 90% of them were made redundant. The company took on a temp permanently during the consultation period.
Then, a month later, the temp jacked and some of the old staff got their jobs back so started again, minus all the leave allowance they had accrued over previous long service. Crazy!

[MoonStar07]

I had a similar experience after 9 years. I had even managed a team during my time there that went onto be one of the most successful teams for the company!! Anyway the director got me a bunch of flowers but apparantly it was company policy not to celebrate leavers. Thankfully some from around the company got me a gift but they weren't allowed to make a big deal of it...I guess I was expecting a gift from the people I worked with but the week I was leaving they decided to re-jig the floor and said its better j don't move and sit with the new team. So I spent my last week with this company where I had literally worked 65 hours a week for 9 years sitting in a corner on my own

[Foslady]

Came back on here hoping to read that there was an amazing gift that could only be delivered to your home address that had been delayed getting to you.

They've treated you awfully - another one glad you put something on the group page

[SpecialAgentSpartacusRoars]

I think the issue here is there needs to be an 'all or none' approach.

[MrsCampbellBlack]

I really feel for you - must have been horrid.

However I do think it is a tricksy time of year with lots of people on holiday etc.

We tend to celebrate people whilst they are working for us - so drinks on birthdays, champagne when they get married and have babies. But when someone leaves - it is left up to their team to organise cards and presents.

I do think in lots of workplaces when someone hands their notice in if they're going to another job - then they become 'dead' to managers. I'm not saying that is right but that it is often how it is.

However the school secretary story is awful - retirement is very different I think.

[ForalltheSaints]

It is certainly thoughtless and unkind if it has been the usual practice. Painful as it is, at least you know now to cut all social ties and move on. I said to someone the other week that I go to work to do a good job and earn the money for the roof over my head etc, not to make friends- perhaps you may take the same view for future jobs.

You have done the right thing to ask that no one else is treated the same way.

[MapleSyrupAndJam]

OP they are truly horrible and you deserve better than that. 💐

I don't understand why making friendships at work is viewed so negatively by some? I met my two best friends at my last job (office), one was my line manager. Have known them 10 years now and we speak pretty much daily. They are the best friendships I have, schoolfriends etc have all lost touch over the years. Who else am I supposed to be friends with?! 😄

[Stardustlady]

This happened to me, after three years I left to have baby, small team of 10, had organised collections for others but when ds was born did not even get a card!!! Remember being quite upset.

[Alconleigh]

That is crap. Fuck em. Having said that I'd not be putting in for things like engagements and weddings mentioned by some people. Engagement gifts boggle my mind. Wedding presents, you'll get if I am attending the wedding (and even then in true MN style I will find something to seethingly resent about your gift choices ), and I will always buy something for a new baby, if the colleague is an actual friend. But that would be from me.

Luckily I work in a large professional services company where bringing in cakes on your birthday is the maximum expected and everyone would be very bemused if there were constant collections for people's life events. We wish them well and that's about it!

[OverlyLoverly]

I'm glad you said something about it.

[SpecialAgentSpartacusRoars]

And this is why an all or nothing approach is needed.

I think nothing is preferable, there would be a lot less hurt feelings and broken friendships, surely!

[Aeroflotgirl]

Good on you, you need to do that. They need to realise how crap they treated a good work collague. If you don't speak up, nobody will know and the same thing will happen again. The way they treated you was disgusting, they need to know it!

[Aeroflotgirl]

Forget them, I would have also said on that Facebook page, that you were considering doing more work for them, but will not now, considering how little they think of you! I hope now, boss and collegues' pulls something together and organises a little leaving do and collection for you. I don't hold out hope, if they can treat you like that.

[ThePinkOcelot]

Bunch of bastards!!
Same happened to me. I worked there for 11 years and contributed to weddings, babies, engagements, birthdays the lot. It was really upsetting at the time. Like a pp, I did a 6 month maternity cover and got a beautiful bouquet, cards and presents. Just the difference.
Sod them OP x

[Alohamora]

A PP mentioned employees becoming dead to management when they hand their notice in and I have actually noticed this since handing in my own.

One of the senior staff keeps asking me who'll replace me and I've told her several times that due to budget cuts no one will. I've also told her several times now that she'd be losing me anyway due to a department shake up but she won't take it in.

She's been very 'off' since I said I was going and I had considered her a friend. The effect a resignation has on some people is very weird.

[pilpiloni]

I think the trouble is that someone needs to organize these things and sometimes everyone assumes someone else is doing it.

I have three kids. In one workplace, I got sent flowers, there was a party with gifts when I came with baby. Second one, they threw me a kind of baby shower, lots of gifts and cards. My last one - I got a card and nothing else.

In all 3 places I felt well liked and appreciated. I was a bit upset at just getting a cars but I really don't think it was me (rationally!) ifyswim- I'm the same person and In all three workplaces I had good relationships.

Try and give them the benefit of the doubt that it was a lack of organization rather than any reflection of how they feel about you

[kali110]

Op just be glad you no longer work there! My boss couldn't even organsise a card, after a decade of working there
Had lovely cards and flowers from customers though.
It was very clear my manager hated me

[KERALA1]

It's absolutely no reflection on you personally. This is why it's dangerous to imbue work places with emotions (men don't). You are a worker to them a unit. I used to work in the city and some women gave everything to the job everything. Forwent marriage and children as working all hours. When they left that was it - nothing.

Meeting friends at work is different work a good place to meet friends (I met Dh at work!) but expecting a work place collectively to give two shits about you is abit naive.