AIBU to think that at aged 25 I should be allowed to be sterilised?

[MidnightMargaritas]

So basically I have two lovely kids one 6 year old DD and a 15 month old DS. I have been married to their father for 3 years and we have been together 8 years in total. I have always had problems with hormonal contraception. (Losing hair, getting sick, allergic reactions, pregnancy etc) I'm currently on the depo but dont want to remain on it as it seems to be making me even more anxious (i'm on 50mg sertraline). Have also had the mirena coil, implant (x3), cerelle, cerazette (got pregnant on this), microgynon, cilest (got pregnant on this) and used condoms.
After a very traumatic birth with my son (which ended in EMCS), I had terrible aftercare and PTSD so I decided to ask the GP during my therapy if I could be sterilised. I was told I wasn't allowed. At my age too many women regret sterilisation. I was then told I could meet someone else and decide to have children. The GP then said if one of my kids were to die I could still go on to have more. I left it six months and decided to ask again to be told the same thing and its really upset me. I was also told it costs the NHS a lot of money for the Op. What I dont understand is that if I was to have another child I would need a lot of therapy, medication, scans and i'd probably end up needing another c-section. Surely it would be more cost effective to let me be sterilised?
When I knew they werent relenting I asked about my DH having the snip. They said that was also unlikely due to his age.
I'd rather have the op because the thought of me ever being pregnant terrifies me. Even if me and my husband separate I would never want to have another child. I couldn't cope. I couldn't afford to get it done privately (6K)
So AIBU to think that at aged 25 I should be allowed to be sterilised?

Have you really paid to read that Mary or have you only read the abstract

Mrs Jay - the Op said that she asked about her DH" having the snip " . So it seems entirely relevant .

If THEY don't want any more children, surely contraception is a joint responsibility and decision? It's not 1950.

M0rven OP has stated she has used contraception and had issues and has had reactions to latex and non latex condoms.

If you read anymore of the OPs posts you'd see she would rather she was sterilised Incase they were to separate in the future and she would be back at square one

It's also possible to get pregnant whilst using contraception.

Have you really paid to read that Mary or have you only read the abstract

I don't need to pay to have access to the journal Advicepls7080.

I think it's a bit cynical to put GPs' reluctance down purely to cost, misogyny or fear of being sued. I think that although those may be factors, there's some entirely altruistic Hippocratic oath stuff going on - "first do no harm". If you sterilise 20 women and 19 of them are absolutely fine with that decision but one bitterly regrets it, then the surgeon who performed the operation has personally ruined that one woman's life. And as the pp who worked in a gynaecologists office pointed out, this is not purely theoretical for them, because they have been handing tissues to many devastated women in this situation throughout their careers.

Now I'm not sure that it's morally right to let the potential of positive harm to one woman outweigh the risk of unwanted pg or contraceptive side effects to nineteen. But I can see emotionally why the doctors might tend towards extreme conservatism to try to minimise the risk of regret. And one big way to do that is not to operate on women under thirty (without huge medical or other reasons to avoid pg) because they are at much higher risk of regretting their decision.

YY Snowflakes. That was Holly Brockwell. You should have seen the nasty comments and misogyny she got on twitter because of it.

Women in their 30s and 40s are being refused.

On the question of why doctors are more gung ho about vasectomy, some reasons are a) it's more likely to be reversible b) it's much more reliable c) if you can't reverse it then sperm donation is a much more reaslistic fall back solution for an infertile couple than egg donation.

I think it's a bit cynical to put GPs' reluctance down purely to cost, misogyny or fear of being sued. I think that although those may be factors, there's some entirely altruistic Hippocratic oath stuff going on - "first do no harm".

I agree with you. We also don't really know much about OPs GPs decision not to refer her for sterilisation. It could just be her age but there could also be other factors.

I work with a load of gynacologists. I know for a fact that in some areas women are getting declined for financial reasons, ten years ago it would have been agreed. The CCGs don't want to fund it.

Are men also being declined for financial reasons?

Helena it is actually a lot cheaper private and for the NHS for men to get vasectomies

But like Midnight many women want this for themselves for the reasons that she stated.

It certainly explains why women in their 30s and 40s are being refused though.

And if it is down to cost they should be honest about that when explaining it to the patient.

It's not the only reason it is due to women regretting it before the age of 30 that's why most GPs will not refer someone under that age although it does sometimes come down to where you live

I'm the same age as you OP. I think you are old enough to make this decision for yourself.
If the cost is say £6000, I wonder how this would weigh up against the cost of contraception on the NHS over the course of your reproductive lifespan.
I can't imagine it would cost any more than anything else. Hope you manage to get it OP

Where I work they're upfront with people. Tell them the nhs won't fund it but that if their partner wants a vasectomy then that would normally be funded.

If the cost is say £6000, I wonder how this would weigh up against the cost of contraception on the NHS over the course of your reproductive lifespan.

The people in charge of CCG budgets aren't really thinking about savings to the NHS over reproductive lifespans. They have to balance the books in the short term.

The pill for 3 months costs from £15-23ish.. So I don't think that it would come to near 6k per person so wouldn't add up to the procedure.

Advicepls....oh gosh. That's a huge difference. Even at the higher end of the scale. Over a 25 year time that's still about 4200 difference.

my husband was sterilised at 28 as we have 5 children all 2 years apart they agreed it was wise,they didnt even try to talk him out of it. we regret it now we're older though,so definitely make sure 100% its what you want before going ahead.

Yanbu, they did this to my mother. You are an adult and you can make decisions about your own body. It isnt like you are making it on a whim. Who cares if you have 20 childbearing years left if you don't want to bear children. You don't have to. Why force a life of contraception on you

I looked into private sterilisation with Marie Stopes, pretty sure it wasn't anywhere near 6k??

I'm 44 I have five children ranging from 6 to 27.
I've suffered spd and hd in pregnancies been in and out of hospital on drips and on crutches.
Last pregnancy had gestational diabetes still have diabetes.
My last birth was code red crash c section my baby had no heartbeat for 31 mins and we have spent six years in legal action as he has been left disabled. It was negligence.
I'm in a new relationship he has a son he never wanted and finds parenting his child a struggle and is adamant he wants no more.
Blood tests show I'm not near menopause.
I'm full time Carer to my boy and they will not sterilise me 😩
It seems beyond ridiculous especially as I have ptsd from his birth.
I don't get the NHS lol
Trying to get other half to have the snip but my god that's hard work

£1527 with Marie Stopes, they accept all major credit/debit cards!