Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

After work chores

150 replies

Curvey109 · 24/08/2016 19:46

I'm currently on maternity leave with our first, a DD who is 6 months old. My DH brings home the bacon and works a pretty stressful job about 1.5h away and tends to get home between 6 and 7

AIBU to ask him to do after work chores? (Cooking dinner, cleaning the bathroom, taking bins out etc). He does what I ask, albeit pretty begrudgingly, because he realises how hard looking after a baby all day is - tbh I think he just wants an easy life

I get that he's tried, but i do plenty of housework during the day and feel like he should do some when he comes home

OP posts:

bangalanguk · 25/08/2016 21:38

I think you are asking quite a lot of him when he gets home so late. Cooking dinner is something that could be managed during the day now that the baby is 6 months old. He/she could sit in a high chair watching or playing. Cleaning the bathroom is definitely not something I would want to do after a long day at work.

mumsmyothername · 25/08/2016 21:45

YABU...but, it's understandable, with a 6 month old baby it isn't easy... Luckily they don't stay at the 6 month stage forever, and things tend to get easier as the child grows (I used to make all chores into a game - like Mary Poppins - to this day, my 38yr loves to polish away the "Fairy dust"! ;)

April229 · 25/08/2016 21:46

I don't think you're being unreasonable. If you both work during the day child care or out of the house then you should split what's left. If you are tending to the baby at night you should use there naps to sleep. If you're bf I got in the morning breakfast in bed is fair enough, esp if you are up in the night. As long as post 7 jobs are split 50/50 it's fair, surely.

Pinkbabe1 · 25/08/2016 21:49

I think YABU. My husband works shifts - when he's on the early shift (6am-2pm) I've got all the cleaning and chores done by the time he gets home, I cook in the evening, he washes up and then he baths and puts two kids (3 and 11 months) to bed. When he's on the late shift I clean the house whilst he entertains DC's. I wouldn't expect my husband to come home from work to cook and clean when I've been at home all day!! It doesn't take a lot of effort and that's coming from someone that works part time!!

Ibelieve123 · 25/08/2016 21:50

Yep based on your own list yabu.
Be thankful you have such a keeper ☺

CalleighDoodle · 25/08/2016 22:33

Ffs wil people read the thread!

acquiescence · 25/08/2016 23:02

He does a lot. I am on mat leave with our 9mo. My OH is fab and does the bath and some night bed time. I make dinner either during the day (10 mins at a time a little bit) or do it while he puts baby to bed. I would never consider asking him to do anything in the morning or anything like cleaning the bathroom. He will put out bins, do cat litter etc. I do 1-2 hours of housework in the evening as my baby is not good at entertaining himself during the day. I spend his 2 hour main nap doing housework. I feel that on mat leave my job is to care for baby and run the house. He did a lot more when baby was smaller and I was exhausted but it's easier now. We may need to re evaluate when I return to work.

karis84 · 25/08/2016 23:41

I think yabu to say ' I have to clean so he should clean too'. That's hardly justification. By that logic you best get back to work and earn some money! You need to recognise that he contributes as much time to your partnership as you do, just in a different way.

karis84 · 25/08/2016 23:51

Oh blah, ffs. In that case fuck it, "you" are not being unreasonable. I think he should do all the housework, he's clearly got far too much time on his hands.
Twat.

iamapixiebutnotaniceone · 25/08/2016 23:58

Seriously you don't know your luck. Give the guy a break!

Robstersgirl · 26/08/2016 00:36

YABU You have one child. You are being precious. He's working hard so you can stay at home with the baby so you should run the home. I'm on the other foot and work a full time job and have 5 children, I still get stuff done. Get a baby wrap?

user1471556502 · 26/08/2016 06:58

My DS sounds very much like your baby. He would only nap in my arms and BS constantly. YANBU. It can be so hard to get anything done with a baby around. Saying that my DH has NEVER brought me breakfast in bed.

Oysterbabe · 26/08/2016 07:06

EVERYONE PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS A BULLSHIT MADE UP THREAD

user1469537355 · 26/08/2016 09:05

You are incredibly lucky to have your husband. He does ALOT from what you've said. I hope you appreciate him. Breakfast in bed before he goes to work? He's a saint!

Momto1 · 26/08/2016 12:49

Definitely think YABU!! I wish my OH would do that much (he didn't even do that much when he was unemployed and we were both at home). I make both him and my toddler breakfast in the morning, iron his clothes for work and tidy up and make his lunch while he watches tv and plays with our LG before work. During the day I look after our LG, do chores, manage finances etc. When he gets home I make dinner for him and we relax together until bed. We can swap if you'd like? 😂😂

squizita · 26/08/2016 14:23

Momto (1) this is a made up by a man joke thread (2) someone once gave me that "we should swap" joke. They looked after my dd for ONE day when I had to go to hospital. They promptly apologised as even with 3 of their own they didn't get quite how difficult some techically 'ok' babies can be (also small doesn't mean doll like lol).
I could get nothing done between my health, constant weight clinics, constant feeding, pooing and needing to be held to sleep AT ALL (still well below average).

Thank goodness she's old enough to eat, walk, sleep now. The terrible twos are proving much easier.

SheDoneAlreadyDoneHadHerses · 26/08/2016 15:12

Huh.

Mansplained. Lucky us.

gamerchick · 26/08/2016 18:49

Got to laugh. No matter how cool dudes think they are they still crave that pat on the head for the amazing things they do

Purplebluebird · 26/08/2016 22:02

My other half has a chilled job, whilst I look after our 2,5 year old. Every other day he gets up in the morning with little one (then I get up at 8), and every other night he does bath time, but I have to bf little one to sleep. In the weekend he sometimes mows the lawn, but I do eeeeverything else!!! It sure will have to change when I get a job.

xandra588 · 27/08/2016 10:57

Your DH sounds so lovely I'm a little envious However, yes, it is a little too much what you are asking him to do, but as long as he doesn't have a problem with it, I don't think there's a problem with him doing it all. But, if he goes like "Why don't you do that" maybe you should step back OP. As I understand from your msg, you both do a lot to make it work, and it must be really hard to maintain everything. Have you thought about getting a nanny or housekeeper when your DD gets a little older? I think it will be good for you, as having someone who takes care of the kid or the house is a big help, because you can be more focused on doing other chores, or maybe even having some free time for yourself and DH.

bikerlou · 27/08/2016 13:11

When my son was 6 months old back in 1983 I didn't expect my OH to do anything after work because looking after a 6 month old meant I had plenty of time to do everything in the week at home.

I did expect some input at the weekend though then it was equal chores but more importantly going out and having some fun as a family.

Now we both work full time I work locally so I do the lion's share of the chores in the week because OH commutes 3 hours each way to London and often doesn't get back until 10 at night after a gruelling train journey. He cooks his own dinner as I eat earlier when I get home.

At the weekend we share everything out equally.

I think it all depends what kind of work he does + travelling and mental exhaustion should be a factor for you both. I sure you can both work out a compromise.

gillybeanz · 27/08/2016 18:45

YABU as a sahm I've always done the lion's share, even when dc were babies.
Most of it should be done or you both be happy to leave it after a certain time.
yes, he could do something when he comes home, but you are the sahm atm so it's your job.

Tutuloves · 27/08/2016 19:56

My sister gave me some words of wisdom for marriage, she said don't think of he does this and I do that, it's a team effort, think of yourself as team (insert surname). And it's true if you keep tallies of who does what you'll only be miserable.
Also, I realised pretty quickly that the baby would need to work round me to a degree, if I needed to run the vacuum round or do some other chore and baby was clean and fed then they had to wait for me to finish.
I found that I had a routine where I did one room a day so bathroom one day etc it wouldn't take me more than half an hour and meant I got round the whole house in a week and then didn't feel guilty about going out to classes etc I basically had the whole day after doing one room first thing.
Another few tips I learned were these:
I made sure I was dressed in the morning before DH went to work (this helped massively as I used to feel quite down and depressed when I stayed in my dressing gown all day and didn't want to do anything)
I got both my children into a routine of going to bed at 7pm, even if they didn't stay there the whole night as its so important to have some time as a couple in the evenings to recharge your battery and have adult conversation.
I also know who draining it can be after a full day at home to cook but if you do the lions share in the week then I'm sure DH would do a lot of it at the weekend.

merrymouse · 28/08/2016 07:55

I think anybody can make food after going to work - it's not as though everyone lives on ready meals and take aways before children.

However, it's easier to plan and shop for food if you are in the house and able to go to shops.

Bins just get taken out when full.

There is no need to 'clean' the bathroom after work unless you really like cleaning. That is a once a week zip round the house at the weekend job, or clean as you go when you use the bathroom.

What is practical and fair/unfair at this age in terms of split of domestic tasks very much depends on your baby.

somekindofmother · 28/08/2016 08:12

this reverse is stupid!

but for the record I'm the sahp and oh works a stressful job with long hours. I do all the housework, shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, Bill paying, and I keep 2 children alive, the youngest is still up twice a night most nights and the kids are up at 5every day. Oh doesn't get up until 7, and I make him breakfast!

I only get a few hours with Dh in the evening, I don't want to spend them with either of us doing chores, I just wanna hang out and eat and chat about our days and watch something on tv.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6