After work chores

[Curvey109]

I'm currently on maternity leave with our first, a DD who is 6 months old. My DH brings home the bacon and works a pretty stressful job about 1.5h away and tends to get home between 6 and 7

AIBU to ask him to do after work chores? (Cooking dinner, cleaning the bathroom, taking bins out etc). He does what I ask, albeit pretty begrudgingly, because he realises how hard looking after a baby all day is - tbh I think he just wants an easy life

I get that he's tried, but i do plenty of housework during the day and feel like he should do some when he comes home

well that was a surreal waste of time

I was about to ask what time husband was leaving for work as there was no clarity about whether it was a 10 hour day or a 7 hour day...now it's all turned out to be bollocks...

maybe what it really is is a SAHD thinking he's not getting enough work from his wife when she gets home? Otherwise the most bonkers waste of time thread.

I had a baby that would not be out down.

Then I went back to work (to a stressful full time job) and frankly it was easier.

Like some PP I'm wondering whether this "no one wants to do THAT after a day's work" pearl clutching applies to those of us who have Tits and a Fanjo or if it applies only to poor menz who aren't BFING all night.

The breakfast in bed is a little jammy though. I lost 5 atone as I'd go up to 14 hours not eating thanks mn sanctimonious bitches who told me babies must not be put down or allowed to cry for a moment or they'd be scarred. Really helps women with postnatal anxiety that does. Frankly velcro aside she didn't sleep and I was scared to do other things like cooking as scaremongering told me I couldn't leave the room and we had a tiny galley kitchen. We ate a lot of ready meals.

But as I say ... If it's U for him, why isn't it u for us full time work outside the home mums?
And I repeat: for many of us work-work is tge easy part and mum-work (BFIng a tiny) is far more draining.

Dear God, the poor man, washing up (you dry) and he does the bins. YAB VERY U.

Dear god. You embellished why??

Oh. Well that was a pointless few minutes typing a reply. There are some strange people about.

I worked full time while my husband was the SAHP. When I got home (around 7ish) I then had to cook, clean and sort the kids out. I'd sit down around 9.30pm usually. It made me feel like shit that he couldn't even be arsed to chuck something in the slow cooker or oven for me to eat when I got home and we are now divorced.

Wow just wow least you can do is make dinner for when he gets in

I find going to work far easier than looking after a baby or toddler all day. At work people generally speak in a reasonable voice rather than unrelenting shrieking and I can get a cup of tea and drink it hot, use the loo on my own when I need and generally work fucking hard uninterrupted aside from meetings. My partner and I both work full time and share the child care and chores outside of working hours 50/50. My partner actively enjoys cooking so he does that gasp even after a full working day and a commute. Now on Mat leave with my second, he still cooks because it is is hobby. I do all the child related chores (including their admin, making sure they have suitable clothes that fit, school uniform etc). We share the rest of the household tasks. The cleaner puts the bin out. I think every adult in the house should be sharing the responsibilities for living there and being part of the family. Earning the money and looking after the children are equal contributions and after that in the time that is left over the other tasks should be shared out evenly IMO. So, I know OP isn't who they purported to be, but I don't even think the embellished list is unreasonable as if you listed out everything the other party does, I think about even.

Ok it was a troll.

Headdreamer stop saying a toddler is easier than a baby like that's a universal fact because:

1. My very mobile loud toddler is MUCH easier than a velcro milk munching underweight fear triggering weak baby was. A hundred times.
2. Comments like that, said with world weary wisdom almost drove me to self harm/worse at some points when I was at my limit.

For some people toddlers are easier... so is working to be honest. I work in a school so have 6 weeks SAHP to compare. I'd rather have high stress challenging teenagers 8-5 because that to me is easier than cooking Annabel Karmel bumf and endless craft sessions, plus my health and safety radar on for what is basically a tiny over confident drunkard in start rites. Also I hate peppa pig. Having said that, I'm not drained from bf, exhausted from 6 to 8 night wakes and several micro naps not 1 big one and suffering from crushing anxiety. I haven't crashed my car because I fell asleep at the wheel (luckily and possibly because she was not in the car at the time). I'm just pulling stickers our of my hair and dreaming of George's dinosaur eating Peppa. It's easier.

Mariad It's a bit of a troll - a man who does these things happily (actually as he should because work isn't harder than bf a tiny baby) and wants to catch naughty internalised misogyny women. You bit his bait sorry.
By the way as I work full time in a professional role should someone cook my dinner and if so who? Because I must be too exhausted to surely?

Also one last thing.

People who said (before we realised reverse troll) "what if it was a man at home" a man would not bee feeding 500+ of his calories a day and having to do all the night feeds you oblivious so and sos. Yes that makes quite a difference.
4k and whiplash to me when I drove my car into a bollard.

Sorry but I think you are being very unreasonable. When I was on mat leave I didn't expect my husband to do any housework. I expected him to help with walking the dogs in the morning and to do bath and bedtime in the evenings during which time I might just have a tidy up and deal with dishes etc. I had a boob monster baby who I could barely put down and two Great Danes to look after and I still managed to sort things so we could both sit down together in the evenings. Now my husband is a SAH dad to our two girls and I work very hard. I'd be fairly cheesed off if he expected me to come home and cook dinner. My home time is for spending with my kids.

Working full time and commuting is hard work - yes being on mat leave is hard work but it didn't leave me drained in the same way that my intellectually demanding job does. I think you are very lucky to have your husband - don't be too hard on him.

Ps. Putting the bins out has always been his job though and always will be.

Oh sorry didn't realise it was a troll.

"What do single people do? Do they not have to cook themselves food after work? Or do they all eat takeaways every night?"

Single person here. Today I had sandwiches for dinner, the night before an omelette. Of course I prepare my own food, but I don't follow the rule that an evening meal must be hot and prepared from scratch.

You are asking far too much of him. I had a baby with severe reflux. Put the baby in a sling. I divided jobs through the day and he came home to a tidy and clean house. When he came home baby would be in bed and was given a G&T as he walked through the door. Now child goes to sleep slightly later so now he sometimes has 20 mins with ds. However ds will be washed and in pj's and really for bed. Dh will have a bit of play time then I put him to bed (make sure you have a very quick bedtime routine). Then you can cook dinner while catching up on your day all relaxed. I honestly don't see why it is so hard.

Please tell me you are taking the piss Florin - otherwise the 1950s called & wondered where you'd got to.

I think WOOH parent should help with feeding and bedtime, but I think having to cook, clean bathroom etc is a lot after a long day out of the house.

Regardless of whether WOOH parent is a man or woman .

I think hoovering, bathrooms, mopping can be done together on weekends.

Wow. Ya definitely BU. Breakfast in bed? Before he goes to work? Cooking dinner and bathing the baby and bins AND cleaning the bathroom after work? You don't know you're born. Sounds like you're not doing a lot tbh.

Ease up on him a bit. What goes around comes around. Be good to him, he will feel appreciated and be good to you. Right now he seems overworked and ground down!

squizita I love your toddler description - dc2 is 22 months and I also find work more restful than the 'tiny overconfident drunkard in start-rites'. Love it! I too feel hard done by my DH doesn't cook AND clean up after himself :)

I think it depends if your DD is sleeping through, makes a huge difference if your being woken during the night & not getting a break during nap times. Pretty sure I wasn't the the one making dinner (or breakfast!) when being woken at night - barely holding it all together!

That said now the kids are 6 & 8 & I'm still a SAHM i do all of the chores you mention. Every so often when DH gets home & dinner isn't ready he gets arsey so I gently (!) remind him how is it different to the days when we both worked long hours, commuted & got home to no dinner! My reasons for being a SAHM were mainly about the kids, not just so he could do less around the house!

Wow, how twattish.

Grouchy maternity leave left me far more drained than being a manager in a large, complex inner city school (dealing with everything from child safety to Oxbridge level revision to statistics/budgets/personnel). Far more.

I need less help than I did then.

Breakfast in bed is a piss take.
However if my husband had not helped me in the first 8 months I might have killef myself. I had exhaustion linked anxiety attacks and fell asleep at the wheel once.

Not dreaming of any help is comppetely u reasonable to me - for me it would mean leaving an underweight baby to scream.

Which makes this fake-princess troll even worse because tired first time mums now think:
-'you wait till they're older/you're at work/you have another' from the thread of fear and dreaD
-dad helping out is unreasonable (it is NOT) and they should feel guilty and lazy regardless of their feedibg/maternal/infant situation.
AND THAT IS VERY VERY U Mr Troll (and pearl clutches who claim outside home work is always harder and they ran a perfect home with an infant in arms).

Brighty exactly! Enough sleep and life is better even if on paper harder.

Frizz it's a troll. Does a couple of chores and hammed it up like he needs a medal and made his dw look unjustly lazy.

I think you're being slightly unreasonable. My hubby works shifts (days/nights) and is out the house for 14hrs a few times a week and I work part time (have done since dd was 4mths) When dd was little he always came home and dealt with dd (feeding/bathing) whilst I cooked or finished off tea and cleared up. The only tea he was expected to do tea was if I did an all day and he was off so had dd for the day and that continues now (she's 21/2) I do most of the cleaning/laundry etc during the week just because.