WIBU to say no to this bbq

[MrsSparkles]

DH friend invited us round for a bbq on Sat. I really don't fancy it as 1.they live 1 1/2 hours away 2. We have a 5 year old and 3 month old and they live in a tiny flat. Only outside space will be used for bbq so nowhere for the 5 year old to play. I don't think it's fairly to drag her all that way for something she won't enjoy?

Plus DH will be busy chatting with friend (otherwise what's the point in going) leaving me to entertain both children?

Yanbu. You have a three month old too. If your kids gravitate towards you then you're still doing all the childcare but different place. I'd tell him to take your 5 year old and have a chilled day with baby.

Sorry not ignoring am on playdate from hell. Would it be acceptable to invite them over to ours instead do you think?

Yes definitely! If they say no then it's fair enough that you don't go either

That's a really good compromise. We're lucky that our child-free friends have no issue being the ones to do the travelling and they always come to us. In return we provide the food and drink. Everyone has a better time as the kids are happier (and safer) in their own toy-filled, toddler-proofed house and we actually get to talk to and socialise with our friends.

Can't believe you're getting told to suck it up and go OP. We (me, DH, and DC aged 3 and 16 months) got invited to a BBQ an hour and a half drive away recently. We politely declined as, quite frankly, it'd be shit.

Yes. Your own place is so much better for you and DCs than someone else's flat. You have your own stuff and space.

Friends without children might get fed up of constantly having to be the ones to travel, OP. But it is your call. What reason are you going to give them?

Given OP has a 3 month old and has already hosted these friends at least once since the birth, i would hope they wouldn't be mortally offended by a suggested change of plan...

Ha ha ha

When hell freezes over. I wouldn't want to do it without 2 small kids. 1.5 hours plus, each way, for a BBQ inside a flat on a bank holiday. No thank you very much.

i don't think you should 'send DH on his own', that's not solving the issue of him not stepping up with the DC, it'll just leave him completely childfree - fine if he will reciprocate next time you have something you want to do on your own. You have a DH issue, and you need to talk to him. I refuse to go to things where I know it's going to be me trailing after the kids whilst people talk at DH, YANBU, but you need to talk to your DH. This isn't going to be great family time, so either he chalks you up a favour, or you do something actually family friendly and he pulls his weight.

It's not an ideal set up for a family BBq, big hit fiery thing, booze and socialising in an enclosed space.

I loathe this whole spouse must attend nothing than then drags out to the children too when your family grows.

Your Dh wishes to go, you don't, and if the DC were asked probably would decline.

Your happy to stay at home and you're content for your Dh to attend so this shouldn't even be an issue.

Bollocks to doing stuff as a family that the majority members don't want to do, life is too fucking short.

I generally hate bbqs. This sounds like a nightmare. Explain to your dh that it just isn't going to happen. It's an awfully long way without an overnight stay with smallies in tow. Of course if your dh organizes a hotel with a pool you might reconsider. Then you could go for a little bit then chill out the rest of the time!

Given you have 3 month old - I would def ask them to come to you given the distance - I'm sure they'll understand that- and hopefully you'll be more up for going to them when the lo is a bit older/walking

Solution is easy - give this one a bye and let DH enjoy himself at the bbq.

Ridiculous answers here. The OP has a very young baby and is presumably knackered. In the first year of having a baby nobody should do things just to be polite .. its bloody exhausting and hard and you should do what will work for uou as a family. No m you should not travel for hours for a bbq that is not child freiendly

Sounds like a one way ticket to NOPEsville.

I wouldn't go. Think it's reasonable to decline, or offer to host instead.

It has all the ingredients of what could be a stressful and not much fun day.

There will be many future opportunities for sitting and colouring, fitting around other people, etc.

We're not going. Friends were fine with it. DH still a bit grumpy but will live! Still trying to adjust to having 2 children, with one it was easy (I say now!) as one parent could entertain where necessary, one socialise - which is why as I said upthread it's easier to go to other people with children as the opportunities for chatting are easier as we're usually just left with the baby.

Sadly unlike to sit still and watch TV for long, she loves imaginary games - as long as you follow her instructions.

I don't think its rude not to go, I think it will be rude if you said yes before and he bought all the food and now you change your mind on the last minute, is that the case?
When I had my baby I didn't feel like going anywhere to be honest, I wanted to be home and enjoy my baby, there's nothing wrong in not wanting to to, just don't use your 5y as an excuse cos I think you are, it's perfectly fine