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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to say no to this bbq

142 replies

MrsSparkles · 23/08/2016 07:16

DH friend invited us round for a bbq on Sat. I really don't fancy it as 1.they live 1 1/2 hours away 2. We have a 5 year old and 3 month old and they live in a tiny flat. Only outside space will be used for bbq so nowhere for the 5 year old to play. I don't think it's fairly to drag her all that way for something she won't enjoy?

Plus DH will be busy chatting with friend (otherwise what's the point in going) leaving me to entertain both children?

OP posts:
Amelie10 · 23/08/2016 07:58

Around your 5yo*

dylsmimi · 23/08/2016 07:58

Ds would have loved a train journey at that age
Is there a park on your way to their flat that you could run around for an hour first then take toys/colouring to the bbq.
She is going to have to sit still in school soon or already and an hour or so at a bbq will be fine - she will be eating at some of that time anyway

Lightbulbon · 23/08/2016 08:02

How well do you know the friend?

IMO the 3mmo is more hassle.

Original poster
MrsSparkles · 23/08/2016 08:03

Already at school and she's fine. Ditto with restaurant, she just sits nicely and colours.

I just felt it was a long day for no real reward for her. And she's had a boring summer with a new baby around. Also I worry DH wouldn't step up and help and I end up having a crap time while he carries on as if we don't have any children.

OP posts:
Amelie10 · 23/08/2016 08:08

Er she doesn't need a reward for everything. Why would you encourage that attitude, to only do something where it Benefits you. Sounds like you are really scratching for an excuse not to go.

Trifleorbust · 23/08/2016 08:10

If that is his usual way of behaving, you are not being unreasonable. Why not split care so that you look after one and he looks after the other. If he won't do that, you're right, you shouldn't go.

MrsDeVere · 23/08/2016 08:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDeVere · 23/08/2016 08:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoahVale · 23/08/2016 08:17

can you suggest they come to you for a BBQ instead?

Trifleorbust · 23/08/2016 08:17

Because sometimes we do things for other people, MrsDeVere. It clearly means something to her partner for the family to go.

NoahVale · 23/08/2016 08:17

op and her family are the only people invited btw

Advicepls7080 · 23/08/2016 08:18

If you're the only people invited and you don't turn up you're being very rude.

Suck it up and go

Amelie10 · 23/08/2016 08:18

Because you don't always have to do something where all conditions suit and benefit you MrsdeVere. You can sometimes put yourself out for others.

Cornishclio · 23/08/2016 08:19

I think it would be incredibly rude not to go especially if you are the only people invited. They may like to see your new baby and 5 year old. Can your 5 year old not take some colouring or a jigsaw puzzle, book ? We used to make adventures of going out when our two were small and give them both a backpack with little things in they hadn't seen before. Colouring books, sticker books etc etc. You could always suggest you all take a wander down to the local park before or after BBq to let your 5 year old let off steam and walk the baby in pram. Tell your DH he has to step up. I think he would find it quite embarrassing to say to his friend you and kids did not want to come so for that reason only I would suck it up and go. You can find travel games to do on train, I spy etc. Hard work yes but having kids is and it is good for them to socialise and learn not everything runs round them.

SpringerS · 23/08/2016 08:20

This thread is weird. Exactly how many people would take on a 3 hour round trip on public transport with a small child and a new baby to attend a bbq? Almost no-one as it's a ridiculous amount of faff and hassle and would be utterly, utterly exhausting.

Trifleorbust · 23/08/2016 08:21

I might do, for good friends of my husband and when he has specifically asked me to be there. I certainly wouldn't if he was going to stiff me with all the childcare.

AnneElliott · 23/08/2016 08:22

No I wouldn't go. Too much faffing with the stuff you need to take for the kids, and then the DH will leave them to OP while he chats.

After this happening to me a couple of times, I stopped going to events like that and told DH to go alone.

Original poster
MrsSparkles · 23/08/2016 08:22

They came to us a couple of weeks ago for a bbq. I have no problem hosting.

I think DH feels that we don't see his friends anymore since we left London (he does I don't really).

OP posts:
NoCapes · 23/08/2016 08:23

3 hour trip to a bbq with no garden with 2 kids in tow?
Nope!

LineyReborn · 23/08/2016 08:23

Also I worry DH wouldn't step up and help and I end up having a crap time while he carries on as if we don't have any children.

That sounds like shit, OP. That's your problem, right there.

FrancisCrawford · 23/08/2016 08:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDeVere · 23/08/2016 08:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoahVale · 23/08/2016 08:28

they came to you, so you Should go,

NoahVale · 23/08/2016 08:29

what would make it better op?

Trifleorbust · 23/08/2016 08:30

No, I don't go to everything whether or not I want to. But to sometimes put yourself out for your partner is perfectly reasonable, IF it is reciprocated. As I said up thread, there will be events and occasions where the OP wants some support from her partner and he doesn't particularly want to go. Is it fine for him to say, "Fuck that, it sounds horrible" every time?